I started feeling anxious and panicky three days ago because I will be starting back to work in two more days. I was excited before but my excitement has turned to worry because although I liked my job and my coworkers, some of my coworkers are very negative people and caused me to put myself through a lot of misery and guilt last year. I tried so hard to use the skills in the program and turn negative thoughts into positive thoughts but it was as if another teacher thought I was completely unaware of my weaknesses and felt she needed to criticize me daily to remind me. She even pointed out bad things about me that I wasn't even aware of and that was so painful. I don't mind constructive criticism and I wanted to like her so I justified it to myself that she was trying to help me. But the more compassion I tried to show, the nastier it seemed she became. I started to suspect that she wasn't trying to be helpful but I pushed these thought away because I don't like to be hateful and blame other people so I did what an internal person does, I blamed myself. I thought if I was a better teacher the critism would stop and everybody around me would be less miserable. In truth they are responsible for their own misery but it is so hard to see it that way when I was bombarded with negative people daily and I so badly wanted to help everybody cheer up. Anyway I worked so hard to respond to HER criticms and show HER that I was a good teacher that I put my own passions aside for her sake. It was such a relief on the last day of school when another teacher pointed out to me that this teacher had her own agenda and was trying to be manipulative not helpful. I had started to suspect that but since I doubt my own thoughts so much I needed to hear it from someone else to believe it. I am scared though because this other teacher who is the one coworker who I enjoy working with the most might not be back this year. He was looking for another job. I know that I am my only safe person but it is nice to finally have a colleague (and someone who knows the situation) who I can talk to about things because I am so shy. I feel guilty for hoping and praying that he will be back. I know this year will be different because I will follow my own intuition and passions and not someone elses. This is the only way that I can truly be the best teacher that I can be. I am so sad that I wasted two and a half years because I was afraid to be my true self.

Hello, I experienced the same feelings of anxiety going back to work and am in fact having to deal with a co worker to who used to be one of my bosses but is no longer (though he acts as if he still is) He is back as tempory help. He made a snide remark while I was passing him the one day something about sneeking in with the enemy...I was floored. I havent seen this man for a year or better and yet this is the first comment out of his mouth.
Many of the ladies in the office had problems with this man, he truly dislikes women, and thankfully he was off this week so I didnt have to deal with him. But all this week I have been thinking of what to say so he will not be in my face and I will most definately have someone else there as witness.
We are are own safe people and it is nice when others take your side because then we are validated. It isnt just me...others think the same. I think where I fall down is that I do not know how to let people know they have crossed my boundry and I won't be pushed around.
I think I will just ignore them, be polite, good morning, see ya ...but not get into this mans blatant attempts to bring me down.
I tell myself let it go...dont give him the pleasure...but it bothers me more then and I feel like an idiot....

Calleigh,
Thanks for the reply. It is so hard not to stoop to another's level because it hurts. The biggest thing that prevents me from being assertive is when I try to stand up for myself I start crying. I hope the medication I have started will keep me from crying so I can be assertive without shedding tears and looking weak. I wish I could surround myself with positive people who make myself feel good but unfortunately they are just so hard to find. When you find them you desparately want to keep them in your life. Unfortunately you can't always avoid people who make you feel bad. It is just something, I have to deal with but it is not easy for people like us because we get a double wammy of negativity when we try to control our own negative thoughts but are also hearing it from someone else.

I'm a teacher currently on medical leave for anxiety. My new principal has turned things upside down and teachers are stressing. So far, I'm on leave, another teacher was taken to the hospital from the teacher's lounge (stress), another just got out of the hospital (stress), 5 teachers are leaving at semester, and another is looking for other employment. Right now the environment at work is very negative because everyone is tired, angry, and depressed. I'm going back after the holidays and I'm so afraid that I will not be able to avoid the negativity.