most of the time, even after having started this program, I feel like where I am at is all there is- it wont get any better. I am scared of this, and I am scared of that, so I can't do this fluently, or I have to avoid that.
Worse yet, I don't trust myself to be able to follow this program in order to recover. Its like my bad habits are all that exist.
I am affraid to go for a run (and have a panic attack, all by myself, and be overcome with loneliness), I am affraid to go out with people in order to make friends and social supports, I am affraid to change my diet in order to better my condition- because then what will I have to look forward to or lean back on? another anxiety attack?
Do you know what I mean? Am I the only one who experiences this?
A lot of people on here are worried about their spouses- I can't even get so far as to meet someone who could possibly be my future spouse!
I am so frustrated and angry with myself for being so stuck in these bad habits and thought patterns, and I feel so stuck!

I can sort of relate, but on a lesser level, when it comes to your feeling of "what will I have to fall back on?". In fact, overeating is how I deal with my anxiety and it's obvious when I'm anxious because I'm typically about 30 lbs. from my goal weight. I never thought about connecting to to anxiety though. And it totally is connected.

My husband met me and understood I had issues with anxiety. You will find a special someone when the time is right. But first heal yourself. Then when your feeling awesome someone will come into your life for all the right reasons. Before I met my husband I took a year to be single - best year of my life - because I learned to love myself!