I have been feeling good, but with the holdidays fast approaching and lots of social events, stress is building. I know I need to breathe, do my relaxation tape, exercise and take time for myself in the midst of all this. There is one problem. I will probably have to listen to tape 4, like, 80 times too. I am finding myself comparing my life to other women, my hair to others, my clothes to others...well, you get it. I live within feet of my kids' elementary school with a huge playground and lots of young kids all around. I actually love it, even though my house is small. So why do I feel any less than some of the other mother's who live "up on the mountain" in the "big, new homes". Worst yet, I attract them to me. I always think of myself the type to never care about material things and yet, I keep getting introduced to that type. What triggered me to type this post was that I just got back from a birthday party with my kids and I am simply amazed at the "shallowness"? of people and how they are interested in only "things". Am I reading these people wrong? The problem I guess lies in me, but how do I change this thinking? What should I be telling myself so I can believe it??

Different people have different priorities and outlooks on life. To some a big home, expensive import car, lavish vacations is the bomb! People place value in themsleves, others opinion or view of them, in material things, but at the end of the day, are YOU happy? Happiness does not come from a big home, fancy car, nice hair because all that can disappear in an instant. Well I can tell you nice hair, HA! I had nice hair until it started to fall out, I mean REALLY thin! So if it all falls out, I will get a fancy wig and have NO bad hair days!

You may exhibit more peace, happiness and stabilty to others and that is why others are attracted to you. They want what you have . It does not need to be material things, but can be the way you are confident, carry yourself, are put together, your intelligence. Friends of ours have a great big home, nice cars, but their marriage is suffering, so all those nice shiney things do not bring happiness, stability, intergrity and the like. YOU bring your own stability and happiness by loving yourself, who you are, what you do, what you stand for. People admire others that have it all together. They may not have "it" all together but possess material things, vacations, huge stock portfolio to compensate. You sound very happy with what you have. Grass at times can look greener, plusher, softer, but it may be astroturf for all you know!

Things do not define a person. Things can make one feel better about themselve though. That usually is temporary, will fade and then the quest to find that next "thing" for their esteem, moral boost will be on.

If you feel as if this crowd is placing importance on material things and that is not you, then you will recognize it. You are comparing yourself because you are socalizing with these people and if that seems to be their main interest, then who can one not look and think otherwise?! Someone my sisters knows is this way. They do live in a very lavish home, she does not work, dresses to a T, designer everything. Here is me, jeans, tee shirt, sandals all from Kohls! She starts be telling me about her shopping extravaganza at Macy's, her manicure, her 3 trainers (golf, exercise and tennis) her car which cost over 75K, her kids shopping spree and of course the amount. This is not me, I have nothing in common with her, so I excused myself. I like nice things, but they do not hold a high priority in my life. She IS a nice person. My sister said that she was like that to her when she first met her and is like that with others she meets. My sister is not like this either. Sure my sister has a large home on land, it is very nice, they have some nice material things, nice cars, tvs, etc but she does not boast about them, they are just there. She is not defining herself by her material things nor does she purchase those items to make herself feel better, more worthy, validated.

You know what is important to you. You know whom you are comfortbale with and whom you are not. If these people left an uncomfortbale, strange impression on you, that is telling you something. We have several friends with money and very nice homes, vacation homes, boats, etc but they are not shallow. When we spend time with them we talk about their kids and grandkids, my step daughter and her college, work, family news, new interests in hobbies or information the focus is not things.

Give these people a chance maybe, see if that is actually how they are. My sisters friend has toned that boasting about "things" down and she can actually have a pleasant conversation with her. My sister said they will never be close, family like as she is with some other friends and neighbors because she is materialistic and not family oriented, my sister is down to earth, family/friends are important to her, different ends of the spectrum. She still loves her for who she is. She really has a great heart!

You know you love what you got and that is what matters. Others opinion of what you got matter not.

Karmerri,
I know how that feels. I had to realize that people who had lots of money, things, etc. seemed to be missing contentment in their lives.
Maybe they SEE that in you! and are envious of that! You dont need to compare yourself with anyone else. If they are drawn to you, its because they like and feel comfortable around you. So, try to like or love who you are, cause it seems other do Nelly

Hey schnauzermom and mello nello,

thank you for the very insightful replies to my post! Can you believe I actually forgot I posted it! I was checking in and had some time to read some and wow, I needed to read your replies. Funny thing. Like a day after I posted that, I was at my son's wrestling practice and started talking to someone I knew. (she graduated a few years ahead of me, from my high school). Through our conversation, I found out she feels EXACTLY the way I do. We know it's wrong and we both laughed b/c we are happy and satisfied with what we have and wouldn't change our lives with anyone.....But we get so, I guess, bothered by some attitudes and people. Anyways, you both have great attitudes and inspire me to keep on..keep on..Thanks!