OK, I know I can't blame my spouse for all of it. I've been a nervous nilly all my life, obsessing about the "what if's". But the scary side of this is that I am really noticing that my spouse triggers so much of my stress. I am like a single parent but with no rights or control over money matters, child matters, social matters. I try so hard to "trust in God" and believe that he will work it all out if I just do my part--be supportive and keep up my end. I was having a good day today, dealing with and recognizing anxiety but being able to calm myself and not feeling so hopeless and then the ball dropped again. Hubby calls says he's fed up with his job (again) and I know the pending walk off is inevitable. At his request, I am maintianing three jobs while he "find's himself". Meanwhile, I'm burned out, the house is a mess, and the kids just want my attention. Will this roller coaster ever end!!!!

I read my post--gosh I sound like I want to rule the roust. Nothing could be further from my mind. I would love for my husband to take control. In fact I have been stepping back more and more just not doing praying, hoping that he will pick up the ball. I ask him to take over the finances, he won't, I've stopped taking on more work so that he just doesn't assume I will handle things, he doesn't. I,I,I,I,--gosh, it seems so selfish of me, but I am so tired.

Atagirl,

Give yourself a break. You're under a lot of stress. You are not being selfish.

It's OK to draw a healthy boundary with Hubby, love him but say to him, "This is not acceptable. You are an adult with responsibilities." Pull back emotionally and let him know that you are serious. It's called tough love. Be honest and straight with him. "I love you, but this behavior must stop."

Books: "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. "Codependant No More" Melody Beattie

Hi Atagirl,

I GIVE MY HATS OFF TO YOU GIRL!!! Slow down and take a look at the picture your husband has handed you. I could see why your husband is giving you all this stress. You are doing EVERYTHING and HE IS NOT HELPING AT ALL OR EVEN WILLING TO GIVE YOU A HAND. All he wants to do is complain POOR ME! POOR ME!

You are handling THREE JOBS (at his request)!!!! THREE JOBS WOW!!! One job is enough sometimes and you have your children to take care of too. They want your attention and they deserve to have both you and your husbands.

Your husband won't take over the finances, he won't help you out in any way he feels you can handle it ALL. I would sit down with this man and explain that you love and care about him but he cannot be putting all this responsiblity on you. It's too overwhelming and it's his job as a husband and father to take on some of these responsibilies.

Wish you Luck,

Dona Dry

atagirl,
Your husband wants to "find himself"? Your working 3 jobs at "HIS" request?
Oh, i would definitely let him FIND himself,, but I would Pack his bags for him (without HIS request) and set them on the front porch, with a note! " Enjoy your new life Finding Yourself"!
Thats what my husband would do to me, and I would do to him, if either of US ever treated each other that way. I trully wish you the best, but you need to make some decisions about your life! take care Nelly

I'm 58 wife is 54....we've been marrried eight months. Maybe I am too sensative, but wife accuses me of things I did not do. Its an everyday occurence. Its getting to me as I can not take being accused and its little things. Like a spot on a towel. How did this get here? I don't know. Like she does not believe me. Little things like that. Oh my wife is a perfectionaist. What can I do to stop her from accusing me of these little things?

Attagirl-If you have to do it all yourself-ask yourself-what do you need him around for? You need someone else to "mother"? You might mention that to him.

Atagirl...
Been reading your posts. I definitely think that spouses can bring added stress to an already "uptight/high strung" individual. We all know that we like to "be in control" and we like things done our way. I know I am that way. My hubby adds stress to my life and anxiety. I am most definitely not like you, though, where I'm working 3 jobs while he "finds himself". BUT, I have been a stay at home mom for 2 years, my husband gives 200% at work but then has nothing left when he comes home. He will hit that couch and turn that tv on as soon as he gets home from work, then you can just count him as MIA. If he's not on the couch watching TV he's on the PC playing his games. I get infuriated cause I have been with a child all day, which is emotionally draining, and have to keep on watching her through the night till we go to sleep. I've been searching for a job to get back on my feet and financially stable. I was/still am on the verge of divorce because the job is all i need to legally be named "single mom". I mow the lawn, take care of all the house's needs, walk the dog, etc. I do it all except work. But I take care of sending out bill payments, too. I may sound like I'm complaining, but I'm tired of it. It's added a lot of stress. Maybe it's the whole "expectations" thing. I expect him to be a better father and pay attention to her, etc. Maybe I just don't love him anymore...
Either way, our home scenarios aren't the same, but I most definitely agree that a spouse can add an immense amount of anxiety and stress when they're not helping out!

Is he showing signs of anxiety or depression? Maybe that is the whole problem here.