I think I have figured out what my stressor of my anxiety is. It is definetely me -- thinking about if I am going to be cheated on. In my last relationship I was married, and I was the cheater. Now I think that every little thing (in my new relationship) that is said by my boyfriend, I think that he is trying to keep things from me cause he might be cheating. I think I am just making stuff up in my head that isnt happening. I dont have any proof at all. So I just need to work on this!! Any ideas?
I have a very similar problem. Trust is a very difficult thing for me. I've been "burned" so many times in the past that I can become consumed by fear if I let myself. I read on another thread that this might be a problem with control and I truly believe that. It's almost like if I expect the worst, then I will never have to experience that being "slapped in the face" feeling because I knew all along something was wrong. That's a terrible way to live and I'm trying to change that...trying to let go of control.
Hey Ney, Don't sweat about it. I think you said it correctly, it's only because you once did it that you suspect it being done to you. The best advise is to forgive yourself for what you did in the past, that way it won't occupy your mind, and you will stop suspecting others of doing it.
Posts: 26 | Location: Brooklyn NY | Registered: December 06, 2006
Hi Ney. Maybe you are distrustful because in your last relationship you cheated, and so you know that it can be done easily for the most part, without your spouse being none the wiser. Now you maybe thinking deep down, " if I could do it and got away with it, maybe my boyfriend is doing it too", and then your imagination gets carried away with you perhaps. It could also be deep down that you are insecure, and if that's the case, it needs to be addressed. If you say you have no proof, then chances are it isn't happening. Usually you can tell something has changed, and there are certain things to look for. If however, your happy, and he's happy to be around you, and when he kisses you it's a warm embracing kiss and not always just a quick peck, and he lights up when he sees you, your OK. The eyes are the window to the soul. Anyhow, I've been on the receiving end of cheating and that's how I knew at first, was the above things I mentioned were no longer there. He wasn't depressed or unhappy in general, so then I knew. I later had come to realize I was right. However, if we've been deeply hurt in your pasts, then our imaginations can really do a number on us. Open up to him, and talk to him about your fears if your close and the communication is good (and hopefully it is). Let him know your feeling insecure and would like to talk about it too. Then you can put it to rest. Hope I've helped some!
Wow!!! Thank you so much to everyone who replied. There are some things I am worried about him. He is a bit depressed, and sometimes isnt so excited to see me. He does keep me posted on his day, but half the time he talks to me he always says he is tired. He is going through a big promotion at work that requires him to study alot and he is pretty focused about it. This is first time I have dealt with him having to study so much. Also when I talk to him on the phone he doesnt seem very excited. Like I said he is always tired. I dont know what is going on and he always says he never wants to talk about it. I am so proud of our relationship and us...but sometimes it feels like he isnt. I know that his mind is completely preoccupied by study literally all day (that would drive anyone crazy). His studying should be done by the end of the month. Do I wait to talk to him til then? He really wont talk about anything right now. He is so stubborn and I want him to know that communciation means everything. I also dont want him to get through this promotion then dump me after the fact. HELP!
Stress Center Community 
Hi Ney. Maybe you are distrustful because in your last relationship you cheated, and so you know that it can be done easily for the most part, without your spouse being none the wiser. Now you maybe thinking deep down, " if I could do it and got away with it, maybe my boyfriend is doing it too", and then your imagination gets carried away with you perhaps. It could also be deep down that you are insecure, and if that's the case, it needs to be addressed. If you say you have no proof, then chances are it isn't happening. Usually you can tell something has changed, and there are certain things to look for. If however, your happy, and he's happy to be around you, and when he kisses you it's a warm embracing kiss and not always just a quick peck, and he lights up when he sees you, your OK. The eyes are the window to the soul. Anyhow, I've been on the receiving end of cheating and that's how I knew at first, was the above things I mentioned were no longer there. He wasn't depressed or unhappy in general, so then I knew. I later had come to realize I was right. However, if we've been deeply hurt in your pasts, then our imaginations can really do a number on us. Open up to him, and talk to him about your fears if your close and the communication is good (and hopefully it is). Let him know your feeling insecure and would like to talk about it too. Then you can put it to rest. Hope I've helped some! 
