I have been feeling a lot of depression lately, which is understandably due to the fact that I lost my job in July and still have not found a new one. Aside from the nerves and panic I feel before interviews, I also feel depressed about my family, which is only semi-related to the job search.

I know that my mom and sister put a lot of pressure on me to find a job that gives me the 401K or benefits package, so lately I have elected not to tell them about job interviews because, each time they do know, they start asking me a bunch of questions that make me feel like I should have the job "in the bag."

It's also bothering me that I keep thinking about my Grandma, who through alzeimers, is slowly losing her mind and memory. Sometimes, I just feel sad about losing her... my grandpa died 3 years ago (after I had gone through a serious panic episode that lasted two weeks and got put on medication). So I'm afraid of losing her and I just keep having these unhappy thoughts about "it could be anyone = I could lose anyone at any moment and never have them in my life again." It saddening to think about how much I will miss a family member if they passed away. My grandpa was the first one to go and I just keep thinking, "Who's next?"

My father sounds so depressed when I talk to him and all he can ever talk about is how bad his mother's health has become. And I rarely want to speak with him because I just absorb the grief that I think I am hearing in his voice and experience it for myself so that I become depressed. His mother, his wife=my mother: Will he be able to let go? Could I, if that was my mother? (No one lives forever.)

These next two weeks are scary because I have to make a decision about whether I'm going to be able to stay in my apartment or not based on whether I can find a job and afford it.

Hi Lena,
I can relate to the fear of losing a loved one. My mother was suffering from severe debilitating depression for 3 yrs and was hospitalized 2xs. It had a huge impact on me. I was having heart palpitations everyday and high anxiety. I was afraid of losing her and it sort of felt like I would "die" with her. Fortunately, she is now fully recovered and I'm feeling much better. It scares me to think of how I will be effected when her day does come. I guess I'm working on it be doing this program. Hopefully, it will make me stronger and a better thinker and reactor. Anyway, good luck with the job search and be good to yourself!