Hi My name is Yolanda and I am 19 years old. I have been suffering with panic attacks since I was in the 6th grade. I have started the program and although it does help, recently I have just been feeling awful. Sometimes I feel so alone because I feel like the only 19 year old who still cannot go on car trips and vacations without her mother because of fear of panick. I just get so angry with myself and wonder why I have to be like this. And when my friends ask why I can't go with them, I am so embarrased to tell them. And although my parents do try, they do not understand what I feel. They just tell me to "get over it". Sometimes I just don't know what to think anymore and the only thing that I can do is cry. If anyone has encouraging words, I could really use them.........

Yolanda,

Honey your not alone. I to suffer from panic attacks. I know it's hard to explain to people how your feeling. It is hard for some people to understand something they have never experienced. It's not because there heartless people, they just don't understand. If your having trouble leaving the house, just try once in awhile to take a walk. Start slow. Baby Steps. I know it's not easy, but you have to know you will be alright. If you need someone to talk to, I'll be here for you! Talking about how you feel really does help. God Bless! A freind Bay

Yolanda~ Boy, do I know how your feeling. I was you age when my anxiety/panic started. I suffered for ten years. I am recovering now with this program. I am afraid to go anywhere with anyone except my husband. I am afraid to go with my mom, sister, friend, anyone! This is embarassing! I know. You need to tell yourself it is nothing to feel ashamed about.

You will recover, be patient don't rush yourself. I too am still working to recover, daily. Use positive self talk!

Hey Dante_Hicks

I�m quite a bit older than you (and proof of this is I just spent 15 minutes trying to uncover the significance of your nick...from the movie �Clerks� right?)

You are way far from being alone. Just browse random posts on this forum and you�ll find plenty of people who sound like they could be you. That�s important Yolanda, because knowing you�re not alone allows for hope...and hope is so key to moving forward. It�s wonderful that you�re looking for answers now...I felt the same as you at 19, and spent the next 18 yrs not even considering to ask for help...so give yourself some credit for standing up for yourself! You are intelligent and creative and good and sensitive, like all of us here...and you just need to make good use of this, instead of using it against you...and you can learn this using the program.

The best advice I can give, is to really give this program your best effort, allow yourself to trust in what it�s teaching you, follow the workbook and write in a journal what each tape and each lesson makes you think about. Really work lesson 3 on positive self-talk, it will eventually open up your ability to see many positives in your favor. We can be such negative thinkers and this really hurts us. From what I understand about the movie �Clerks,� you�ve chosen a nickname that symbolizes negativity. Dante Hicks can�t get a break, no one�s willing to help him, his day just spirals out of control and it seems there is no way out and no choice he can make that will get him out from under his doom. The Avatar of the skeleton you chose also seems filled with gloom. This is what I mean by using our incredible creativity against ourselves. You�re focusing on what makes you sad, and even surrounding yourself with supporting evidence. (And you may be saying...�Well yeah! It�s how I feel dummy!) LOL My point is...you will do yourself a tremendous favor and give yourself an incredible advantage, if you allow yourself to feel sad...but refuse tell yourself you�ll always feel this way, refuse to tell yourself there is no hope, refuse to tell yourself you�re just like Dante Hicks...because it only keeps you down. I know you have someone you look up to, or have seen a movie where someone has inspired you...why not use that as a nickname instead...send yourself the message that this is the person you want to be more like, because this would be the truth...right? Starting today...let Dante Hicks represent your past,not your future.

The thing about being positive, that I refused to believe before going thru the program, is that it�s about seeing the Truth...not about being fake. For example, if we hear ourselves saying �nothing ever works out for me� that�s a negative lie isn�t it? The truth is that at least �sometimes� some things work out for me. Doesn�t that sound more hopeful? And the positive is, because sometimes some things work out for me...I�m going to stop saying the negative because it�s not true and it only makes me feel worse and hopeless...and I deserve better for myself. I�m smart and kind and 19...and lots of people my age are going thru anxiety and hiding it just as well as I am...I�m going to be okay and stronger next year than the year before, because I�ve decided I don�t want to live this way any longer...and I got the program and am doing something about it!

Have patience Yolanda and give yourself more credit. Moving forward and healing is a process, and don�t expect to go from feeling as you are today, to being completely better tomorrow. Recognize small steps, small accomplishments...tell yourself it will take time but that you have begun and that�s the most important first step. Really work the program and give it time...a year ago I could see nothing positive for me or anyone else...and today, hopefully, I�ve been able to share some of the extra hope I�ve gained. Perhaps in half that time (cause you�re younger and you �kids� do everything faster ) you�ll be sharing some of your extra hope with someone else on this board!

(I hope I didn't make you feel bad about your nick...I mean, look how lame mine is! Just hoping you view it in a way that brings you inspiration and see it as a starting point and not as an ending point!)

Best wishes
JOP