i need suggestions to help me relax, calm down and stop WORRYING.

I think that we all do!! However I forced myself to listen to the relaxation tape and it is really starting to work. As far as worrying...I haven't been able to kick that one yet!! Good luck! ~Flutterby

Hi Karen,

I have a few suggestions that work for me. First the relaxation tape is KEY, you must retrain your body to relax. You do this by practicing, practicing, practicing. Eventually the relaxation response will kick in just as fast as the adreniline response kicks in. To calm down I breathe deeply for 4 counts in through my nose, hold for a count of 7, and then exhale through my mouth for a count of 8. Do this for a full 3-4 minutes. Then FLOOD yourself with positive dialogue. Get busy and distract yourself. Next, for the worrying, JOURNAL. Write down what is bothering you. If it's something you can change, problem solve it. If you can't change it, change your ATTITUDE to it. All of these things do not happen overnight but with time and patience and practise. When you realize you can actually make yourself FEEL better, it is a beautiful thing. Do you have the program, if not, GET IT. It outlines DAILY what you need to do to overcome this. Take Care!

Chantal

Hey Karen,
As mentioned before, the program will help you immensely to cope and overcome these conditions. I would also suggest a book by Dale Carnegie, "How to Stop Worrying". It is a great book and has a lot of interesting stories about famous people in history who coped with anxiety, depression, etc.

Chantal-I'm going to copy that down. Good advice. Karen, Hang in there! It will get better.

JFrench--Good book.

Flutterby--when you find the key, share please. Actually, I find this interaction helps me to stop worrying so much.

Carol-flounder no more

Hi Karen,

Here is a copy/paste of an e-mail response I gave to my friend about how not to worry based on the skills I learned from this wonderful Program:

First of all...what I did is I got rid of the 'what if' negative thinking. What I learned is that stress is something we talk ourselves into and this can be effectively changed. We can chose the way we react and respond to any situation...it is our choice and ours alone. If we chose to be negative...we will be sad and feel overwhelmed...but on the other hand...if we chose to be positive...we feel better. I really know what it is like to go through when we choose worry over a less anxious response.

This is the important part: Have a planned worry time...sounds bizarre yet is is so effective I promise you. What you do is you pick a time to worry...I picked 9 in the evening...and for 15 minutes allow yourself to worry. During the day when a worry pops into your mind say, "I will think about that at 9...or whenever you pick for your time...so for now I will turn this into a positive, soothing statement and focus on my task at hand." When you are in your planned worry time...get out a paper and pen/pencil...and write down what it is you are worried about and write down ways you can take action to eliminate the particular worry. I swear by this method...it has changed my life I live now...I worry at 9:00

What do you enjoy doing? Whatever that is...do it Take a walk, take a hot bath with scented candles...read a good book...rent a comedy and laugh Take slow deep breaths...there is a technique called, '2-4' breathing that I implement. Inhale slowly through your nose for two seconds...counting to yourself...one thousand one...one thousand two...and exhale slowly through your mouth to the count of four...one thousand one...one thousand two...one thousand three...one thousand four. Your abdomen should rise and fall...chest breathing is not soothing...abdominal is Breathing really turns the 'red alert' off and sends a powerful message that all is calm.

Here are some worry facts:

~Worry is depressing

~Worry is a control issue

~Worry is imagining life the way you don't want it to happen

~Worry is wasted effort

~Worry creates a mental picture our brain responds to-as if it were real

The list is endless!

Here are some tips:

~Live more day to day. Don't spend so much time in the future

~Analyze what it is you are worried about. What is the cause of concern? What are all the possible alternatives to the problem? Which approach will you take? How can you put your plan into action?

And last, but not least: If you are worrying about something very real, something that is most certain to happen that can't be prevented and will have a negative outcome-prepare yourself mentally for the worse and accept it. Then devote your time and energy to try and improving the end result for you. What can you do to ease the anxiety of the end result?

I hope this helps It really took me a while to 'get it', and I am still working on it, and lots of patience and practice Try to live in the precious, present moment too...that helps a lot

~Angel

Good Stuff Angel. Thanks for posting that

One other thing that I find helps me is when I realize that worrying is NOT getting me any closer to finding an answer. It's counter-productive, and yet it is very, very addictive. I feel sometimes that there is a part of me that thinks that if I just keep on worrying and worrying, at some point I'll come up with a Big Answer and never worry again. But, I know that that's not true.

For example, my latest "what if" thought is "What if the car breaks down?" My husband and I have two very old cars, and I have times when I am terrified to ride in them because I'm scared one will break down and leave me "stranded." So, I obsess. And yet, as bad as I know it is, there's a part of me that wants an answer; I really want to know what will happen if the car breaks down. But, the truth is, what I'm telling myself as I worry (I'll panic, I'll die, I couldn't handle it, I'd freak out) isn't the truth; the truth is that, if the car broke down, I'd handle it. As simple as that.

I think that sometimes we run through the scary scenarios again and again in our heads because we feel like we need to "prepare" for them. But that's the exact wrong thing to do. Dwelling on a situation does NOT make it any easier to handle. All it does is build up anxiety before we ever get into it.

I don't know if that helps, but when I tell myself these things, it usually helps.

Good luck,
Lori

Hello to all,

Angel really encapsulates the techniques taught in lesson 9 of the program-good job. The part that so many of us leave out: action. None of the techniques work unless we work them.

I wonder if we are looking for some new quick fixes? I have been assigning one lately that seems to create a chuckle. (We all know that a smile changes our brain chemistry - right?) Run a hot bubble (lots of bubbles) bath-while relaxing in the tub, blow bubbles. Watch them float down, note the aurora borealis of colors...(don't pop them! that's what we've been doing for years!

Listen to the relaxation tape in the background.

Have you ever tried a relaxation VIDEO. Some of them are lovely.

Let's have some more unique ideas. How about sending me one that you've never seen published- along with a picture of you - and we will create a new column for the newsletter (LESS STRESS PRESS).

Address any newsletter articles (pictures make it come alive) to: Carolyn Dickman, P.O. Box 205, Oak Harbor, OH 43449

Thanking you in advance for making my job easier, Carolyn

Carolyn...

You sound so wonderful...I like your quick fix...I tried to print out your response because I think it would be a nice reference...you'd enjoy the printout...the first few sentences and then a few smiley faces on the next 3 pages...that's it, just the cute faces. Think there's a message THERE?


Do you have any suggested relaxation videos? How about other relaxation tapes in addition to the one with the program?

I am on my second go round as part of the Procrastinator's club...I did not do much of the workbook and I know that the action is the part that's important...learning the life skills. There is not doubt in my mind that it will work...but not easily. Any new habits are hard, esp. after all the years of the "learned" ones. I will NOT give up no matter how many hard days I have... and today was one of those!

Thanks, Carolyn.

Hollyb

quote:

Originally posted by karen:
i need suggestions to help me relax, calm down and stop WORRYING.

Dear Karen, I know how you feel I worry all the time. I have along with this program started to exercise and go herbal. I take a calcium/magnesium supplement daily. Also there are many great herbal teas great for relaxing. And an herbal pill called Peaceful Day by VEGLife. Not that these work for everybody but they do take the edge off. all of these are available at local healthfood stores. Hope it helps-also reach out to God, He can help,even if your not religious.
Let me know, Kari

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kari hendrix