Hi Donna,
I am 33, and have had anxiety for years which has just recently gotten better thanks to many different factors which included this program. In addition, I am the parent of a ten year old son who has severe autism. He went through a regressive period when he was between two and three and actually lost the little speech he had. He is not potty trained at the age of 10, and he has some seriously dangerous behaviors, and has had a severe seizure. I have a few things to say to you, and I hope they will help
. First of all, I am not cured of anxiety, but better, and one thing that I would change if I could go back in my recovery is just letting myself realize that IT TAKES TIME and THAT TIME IS NEVER WASTED. Of course, we all want out as soon as possible, and we've all had plenty of anxiety to last a life-time, but changing our thinking, our physical and emotional habits, and even our spiritual beliefs takes time. Also, the time is never wasted aspect helps me because we, with anxiety and as Americans
, tend to believe that because we have to wait for things that somehow that time is a waste. That is so false. It takes an oak tree time to grow into the majestic tree that it becomes, but when it is smaller, it probably still provided some shade to a tiny bird
or a child could actually reach its limbs to climb on and have fun
. We are really never finished until the very end of our lives, and so it may help to know that you are always going to be growing and waiting for something in your life. Sometimes, just the anticipation of things to come is a blessing. There are studies which show that we as human beings actually enjoy anticipation. If we plan to watch a funny movie at the end of the day, we actually will enjoy it more after we have anticipated it. Maybe get out a piece of paper and write down all that would be different in your life if you didn't have anxiety. Where do you want to go that you aren't right now? What job do you want?, etc. Also, I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but one of the greatest things for me in my relationship with God is to realize that God works through us no matter what and no matter where we are if we let Him. You are not cured right now, but you have purpose as a mother no matter what. Time is never wasted.
Finally, concerning your fear about your child. I completely understand why you would be afraid for your child. It does seem so unfair that bad things can happen, especially to our children, and there is no doubt that as mothers we would gladly let our selves take on suffering that was meant for our children. I am not going to lie to you and say I am happy that my son can not talk or that he has been in life threatening situations. There's a lot of bad things that can happen in this life. But my plea to you and other mothers who have healthy children on here is for you please to enjoy your time with your healthy child. After my son was born, I was a first time mother with anxiety, and I just worried about everything. If I had a magic wand, I wish I could go back and just enjoy him being able to talk, etc. without worrying about all of the bad things that could happen to him. Guess what? My worrying didn't change anything. My son has autism, and I don't know why, and my worrying did nothing to keep that from happening. That's a big revelation that I and many of us don't want to hear. We worry in the hopes that it will prevent bad things, and it just doesn't work. We end up with panic attacks, nervous twitches, etc., and worry doesn't change the outcome. I really am not saying all of this to condemn you or any other parent who is afraid for their child. I really do understand it, and I don't condemn myself for being a first time mother and not knowing any better, but if someone would have been able to give me certain advice, maybe, I would have heeded it and been happier being a mother
at that time. Also, and not to scare you, I did loose it. Mothers who have sick children can loose it. I couldn't handle his autism, and I went through a very bad period, but me knowing that I couldn't handle it didn't stop it from happening. However, by God's grace, my second to worst nightmare came true, and I am still here learning how to cope and trying to encourage you
. You would deal with it if it happened the best that you could. Yes, bad things happen, but a change of focus which will eventually come with this program will help you focus on the positive. There are miracles. Your friend's son can be cured of the tumor. All is not lost. Yes, bad things happen, but just imagine if your focus was on the good things. There are good things. Of course, you wouldn't want anything bad to happen. No mother does. I do also feel that God caught me when I fell. I don't know how much you feel about me giving you spiritual advice, but one thing that God has taught me is that we are all really God's to begin with. One of the best things that we can do as parents is realize that our children belong to God, and we are only God's instruments in helping to accomplish God's will in their lives. We, as mothers, can only do the best we can, and that is all we can do, and we just have to give our children to God, and let Him take over at certain points. That's very difficult to put into action, but it is true. That is a revelation that has taken me time to accept, and I will continue to struggle with that. However, the more I view God as a loving God, the more I am able to accept it. We are not perfect. We don't understand everything, and all we can do is the best we can as humans. My son has autism, and there are many other things I can worry about regarding him. He could get cancer, but instead of worrying about that, I just thank God he doesn't have it because I have no idea what all God has spared him from. He could die and almost has, etc., but through it all this is what I have learned. We just don't know. I think that is scarier then knowing for many of us with anxiety. We don't like to hear that we don't know. We want to see the script of our lives all written out before us. However, one blessing to not knowing is that we can say, "I don't know so why take on something that I don't have to?" Taking on the thoughts that my child could die or have cancer would only make me take on grief that isn't mine to deal with right now. I have felt true grief over my son's autism, and it's not fun, so why take on more that's not real and that I don't have to? For me personally, I don't, and I really can't. Do I worry about my son? Yes, but I try to limit it to things that are real, and put some type of action in alignment with that worry. It's more of a concern about caring for him, and then I do what I need to do to take care of him like getting him a global positioning bracelet through a program that monitors him and could find him if he ran away(many children with autism are escape artists and this is very dangerous). Two of my son's classmates have died this year from incidents regarding their autism, but me worrying about that will not help me or him. I feel for those parents and pray for them frequently, but me dwelling on it as if it is happening to me when my son is still alive doesn't help me, doesn't help my son, and it certainly doesn't help those parents. Your friend's son getting a brain tumor is a very big deal. She needs support and prayers right now. It won't help her for you to imagine it happening to your child because if you are so worried about that, you may not be able to help her, and may even avoid her because of your fear. It's happening to HER child right now, and that is what's real. Right now, your child is healthy, and for all you know, your child could remain healthy and live a wonderfully long life. If God forbid, the unthinkable happens, you really don't know exactly what you would do or how you would handle it. You would have to cross that bridge when you came to it, and the truth is that you may not ever have to cross the bridge so why try to figure it out now and waste the time you have with your beautiful healthy child. I think my husband would agree with me on that. We both are often the only ones who understand how each other feels in regards to our son. It is very hard for us to watch parents expect perfection from their children and in situations like when the parents are upset that their "normal" children made a "B" instead of an "A". To us, "normal" would be a miracle. Normal really is a miracle. It is also just very hard to watch someone with a healthy child worry about the child being unhealthy when they are not. It's not anger(well for the perfection part
, it's just sadness. It wouldn't help us for someone to come up to us and cry over our "misfortune" when they are really crying over the possibility that it could be them or could have been them in the situation. The grief wouldn't be for us, but for themselves, and that just doesn't help us. What's intended to be compassion comes across as a selfish act. I'm trying to watch this with myself too when people are going through things that I am not. Am I really being supportive of them, or am I making it about me and my pain? Life is so much more enjoyable when we figure this stuff out. We take what's really ours to deal with, and we give others true empathetic support for what they are going through without making it about us. It's just so much better that way. Right now, you are not alone. Others on here understand what you are going through and have been where you are. You are trying to do the program, and you are just getting started. Your friend is suffering, and if there is anyway to help her and keep the focus on her without making it about you, then that would help her the best. Right now, you are blessed with a healthy child and you have no reason to feel guilty for that. I am not upset that other people have healthy children, it's just hard when they are unable to understand that blessing. Keep working on this program because it will help you to enjoy yourself and your child. One day, you will feel better.
Take Care
Stress Center Community 
