Because I've had so many bad things actually happen to me, "what if" has become my life motto.

The problem is, with this program, I noticed that it focuses on saying "so what" instead of "what if". This doesn't help me too much, because if I had thought "so what" in the past, I would be dead.

My father used to say to me "sometimes I would worry that I was going to faint and then I realized that I never DID faint, so what was there to worry about?" THIS DOES NOT WORK FOR ME! I have vertigo, I faint often, and I have had illnesses that almost killed me more than once. In fact, since 2005, I have had 1) a diseased gall bladder that leaked poison to my heart, thus resulting in my almost dying, and needing emergency surgery 2) contracted meningitis and encephalitis, causing me to fall into seizures at my job and almost die. I was hospitalized for 2 months due to this, and left with permanent damages 3) had to be rushed to the hospital due to Thalassemia-related problems {an inherited anemia} 4) lost 4 pregnancies, one being ectopic which could have killed me...

There is more, but those were the worst.

So, my "what if" is actually a "what if AGAIN". How do you break yourself out of that one? I can't convince myself that nothing will happen, because it HAS happened before. I'm so confused. I'm so lost!!! Just today I went to the dentist as I need a root canal, and I had a bad reaction to the laughing gas and wound up pretty much passing out and waking up to shakes and convulsions. I had to re-schedule my root canal. I wasn't think "what if" when I went to the dentist. but I will be thinking "what if" when I go back on thursday, because I have a legitimate reason.

I don't know if any of this makes sense as I'm crying and frustrated right now. If anybody can offer advice I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you

Rowan,

I sympathize with what has happened to you. But, what ifs in general reinforce our fears and make us weaker to face real challenges like you have faced. What ifs amount to worry. What ifs take away our emotional strength and energy which we need to face real challenges.

Even if our worst fears materialze, worry and what ifs are not useful. They destroy healthy self esteem which could give us emotional strength when we are faced with real threats to our health. We can't add one minute to our existence by what ifs and worry. Healthy emotions and self-esteem can empower us to face real challenges, to deal with it head on and do what we need to do to take care of ourselves. What ifs and worry takes away our power.

I can only relate to you with one incident which happened to me. I was robbed at gun point at 1;30 am in the morning at a convenience store. I was the store clerk. The incident itself didn't bother that much. But when working the same shift after this, at about 1:30am I would often get the shakes or become very anxious. I didn't have the progam then, but I do think that coming to terms with that fear, accepting it and seeking to not be afraid of the fear, would have helped me. It is our thoughts which are driving our emotions. Thoughts create our emotions. If we think fearful thoughts, overtime we develop emotions of fear. Feelings are not facts, they are simply a product of our thoughts.

In order for what has happened to you to impact you, you have to give it meaning with your thoughts. I think how you have reacted is a normal human response. But most of what you were forced to deal with are not current challenges are they? They are the past, not the present? They, in no way, can predict what will happen to you now or in the future.

I would have thoughts like you if all that has happened to you had happened to me. I would be waiting for the next bad thing to happen also. But learning to overcome that fear would be my goal because the past is no predicter of anyone's future. I would understand that intellectually but would want to believe it in my emotions and my core beliefs.

That is what the program can teach us, how to connect with our power so we can be strong to face real or perceived real challenges.

There is a woman on the tapes whose name is Jackie. She had luekemia and learned through the program and her personal faith how to deal with it in a healthy, emotionally balanced way.

I don't face what you do or have. But, I hope you will give the program a chance and that you'll keep posting. You may also want to call the Midwest center for help. There are folks there who have faced challenges like you have.

Don: Thank you so much for the thoughtful response, and all the great advice you gave. I really hope to be able to become a stronger person, both physically and mentally. I had no idea it would be this difficult to stop the "what if" process. Your words are greatly appreciated.

Don, as always, is right on with his support and guidance. I would like to say also that you can learn to change your What If to I WILL HANDLE IT. This takes practice so be very patient with yourself. Start now. When the What if's come in say: "I will handle it." No matter what the what if's are use the above as your only reply to them. In time you will begin to realize that yes, I will handle it. You've handled everything else and you will handle this (the what if) as well.

It's a shift in attitude. Persevere. You do not have to let your scary what if-ing dominate your life. Please practice. You'll see for yourself how powerful a statement this can be.

Life has a way of throwing things at us unexpectedly. If you live in fear of what may come you are in the future. If you live in fear of what was you live in the past. Your goal is to be present as much as you can.

There are desensitzing exercises in the program that can help to reduce your what ifing as well such as Designated Worry Time. It's very effective.

My best to you.

Thank you Don and Boone this was definitley something I needed to hear myself. I am very good at what if-ing about the past and the future. I was actually in a what if thoughts of the past, when I saw your post. I will definitely change my what ifs to I will handle it. Thanks again

Rowan-I truly am sorry for all you have gone through, and it seems justified as to why you are having problems with "What-If". The only piece of advice I have is what helped me with my what-if thinking. I carried with me a small steno notebook everyday and I MADE myself write down my what if thoughts and (not necissarily immediately) the same day I would make myself write down counter thoughts to the catastrophic thought. It didn't happen overnight but it did help and although I no longer do it, I still remember several of the counter statements when I start on a what-if way of thinking.

Thank you guys so much. I appreciate the support more than you can imagine. I will try to incorporate these techniques. I feel as if I have to, for every day I lose another piece of myself to this disorder.

(((hugs to all)))

Boy..can I ever identify with your plight! I have lived with the "what-if" thing for so many years and I can't help but think this has only added to my overall stress and anxiety.
I lost so many family members (6 to be exact!)to cancer in the past five years that even my doctor is concerned for my concern! My oldest brother had cancer too, but he was one of the lucky siblings who recovered. I truly think it was his "This cancer thing is not going to beat me!" attitude that made him a survivor, even though he lost both of his children and his wife to cancer. Attitude has to play an important part of recover from whatever a person is trying to recover from. I'm working on this right now because it's always in the back of my mind about getting the cancer. I have been so obsessed with this that I think I'm becoming a hypocondriac! Every little thing that comes up, I seem to run to the doctor and tell him I think it might be cancer! This, intellectually speaking, is riduculous thinking, but emotionally, I'm really afraid.
I have fibromyalgia and all of the other things that go along with it and I'm thinking that stress and anxiety may just be the culprit that brought this on. Who knows?
Anyway, I'm so sorry that you've had to experience so many things in your young life. I do truly believe this program and all of the wonderful support group we have here, is just what the doctor ordered, so to speak.
May God Bless You
Robin

Hi MYCATSLOVEME,
I was previously diagnosed with serotonin deficiency. Symptoms include depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, on and on. Physical symptoms include IBS, fibromyalgia, and others. You are quite correct, as this might have brought on your fibromyalgia. Have you talked to your doctor about this?
Lucie