Hello. I just wanted to know if anyone here started to experience their anxiety and depression because of the use of illegal drugs? I know I have had anxiety and depression since I was a child, but my first panic attack was triggerd by drug use. I cut cold turkey all drugs, stimulents (caffeine, cigarettes) chocolate, ect...., once I started to get these panic attacks. I didn't know that I was causing them and these were contributing, so I cut everything out of my diet, and life that I felt was "bad". I'm so happy though, I feel that is one extremely positive "thing" that has resulted by me having anxiety disorder!
Thanks for any reply!

Hi HealingGirl,
One of my friends had his first panic attack while he was smoking pot. It was pretty bad so he completely gave up that stuff! I think any stimulant can mimic panic. I used to drink a lot of coffee and I would get these weird feelings and rapid heartbeat afterwards. I think panic attacks in the context of illegal drug use is very common though.

I have had panic attacks since I was 5 years old. I was traumatized by the death of my great grandmother. During high school I was smoking pot regularly, and it seemed to help me forget about the anxiety, but after a friend of mine died of cancer in 12th grade, smoking pot had a reverse reaction and I started experiencing panic from smoking.
I don't smoke or take any illegal drugs now.
Alcohol even increases my symptoms of anxiety, so I rarely drink.
So to answer your question healing girl, yes but I know that illegal drugs did not cause my anxiety, it was something traumatic at that point in my life that triggers relapses.

Hello and thanks for your replies. I wanted to believe that the drug use had "started" my anxiety disorder, because my first bad panic attack was while I was high. I like your point about the drugs triggering. Now that I look back, I realize that I started having scary thoughts about doing drugs, why was I doing this, this wasn't me, & son on. It was a guilt attack fueled by drugs and alcohol. And if we're already feelng insecure, and the drugs alter our state of mind, it just makes it all that worse. I too can remember having anxiety when I was small. And even panic episodes, I just didn't know what they were. I am still trying to forgive myself and realize that I haven't ruined my life over the stupid choices I made....I know I need to be more compassionate, but I get so disgusted whan I think that maybe this could have been avoided if I hadn't gotten into drug use. I guess I still would have had a panic attack over something else, because I have been a worrier, overreacter, guilt ridden person even before the panic attacks. I hope that when I can forgive myself so I can continue healing, but I guess that forgiveness is a the step I need to make....Any suggestions on how to forgive yourself? I find I can forgive myself for other things, but this I am having such a hard time.....Thanks again!

Quit beating yourself up healing girl,
I love your name, I'm picturing someone in tie dye.
The past is over, you'll be fine.
I get in funks like that myself, stay in the present and everything will fall into place.

Hi Healing Girl,

I had the same experience while smoking Marijuana the thought of it scares the crap out of me and making me shake. I had a the worst panic attack of my life on marijuana I thought everything was unreal my heart beat in every part of my body I was convinced I was going to dye and going crazy slowly ... Last a whole 7 hours back to back Panic way way to intense I had some paranoia too thinking everyone was looking at me and stuff it must have been laced with something however ... The next day I was fine so I thought to myself no big deal its over just stay away from it ... My friends smoke heavily and love it I never understood how they enjoyed those feeling but apparently it makes u feel good ... hehe I still dont understand how but a few days later I had some weed left in my pocket ... I just licked a tiny bit of it (without smoking) and I felt alot of the symptoms I was just experimenting not nearly as bad as it way when I smoked but it was bad ... ...I have so much anticipatory anxiety that lead me to this disorder I havent had a Full Blown Panic since then and have had mild ones but I feel as if I can control the mild ones ... Just wondering on your insight as to if you had a similar experience... I know after experiencing a panic attack like that it can almost be a traumatic experience which makes us sooo in tune with our body now that we ve constantly analyse how we feel and stuff .. How are you doing with the Program? ... I have overcome the panic but my biggest fear is that I am slowly loosing my mind and on the verge of some serious mental illness its my biggest fear ... Ahhhh this is a never ending circle for me ....I just want to be 100% normal ... I cant kick the derealization or depersonazliation symptoms either? ... any insight? ....

Thanks

Sachin

Toronto, Canada

Hey Sachin,
Thanks for your reply. I can totally relate to your experience and labeling it as tramautic. I was using cocaine while I had my first panic attack and it scared the shit out of me! After that, I quit smoking cigarettes, caffeine anything that stimulated me because I was so afrade of the feelings. I thought I was going to die for sure I had so much guilt and regret for what I was doing and felt that God was punishing me for doing this and doing this behind my parents back (obviously). Since that day I was having panic attacks daily, obsessive thoughts daily. Had and EKG, tons of tests several emergency visits, Dr. Appointments, visits with therapists, ect,ect... Too afrade to take meds. I know how you can relate to the feeling of anticipatory of the marajuana. For one thing, I'm sure that just the anticipation and the "imprint" of the panic attack is what got you nervous again when you touched the marajuana. Because I'm sure just by licking it you it couldn't have done that to you. I was so terrified of what I went through that I would be afrade to use sugar, or flour when I cooked because it looked like cocaine. I would be filling my daughters formula for her bottles and I would drop some on the counter and I would go into a state of panic. Thank God I am not like that anymore. It has takin a lot of "desesitizing", but it is worth it. Before, I was afrade to handle money. I would not do it, now I do and if I have a scary thought I just affirm it and it dosen't scare me like it used to.
I too feel like I an doing relly good with the panic and still have my practice opportunities with body symptoms, but I am coming along. I am currently on lesson 8. I too worry that something is wrong, and I fear death a lot. I think about it a lot. This I feel is in conjunction of the drug use and because my mom had breast cancer when I was 11, on and off so I always worried about getting sick and death too. She passed away 7 months ago and that has been difficult, but the program has helped me to get through it for sure.
As far as the "derealization" symptoms, that was a HUGE one for me since the VERY beginning. I still have it throughout the day and I truly believe that I have become "used" to it. I mean, when I feel periods of "normality" that feels different....and a bit anxiety producing. However it is getting easier and better and funner to feel normal again. The feeling of Fuzzy head or spacyness is very frustrating. I can really hate it, but I have become good and living my life even having it. I will break that habit though because I deserve to feel "normal". I still tend to feel depressed from time to time, but I am working to affirm this. It is a healing process. I just compare myself to when I first started out with this condition and I have come soooo far. What lesson are you on? Lesson 3 is great. It used to give me tremendous anxiety, but it is the best lesson so far. I am working on my what if thoughts, and also believe lesson 9 and 10 are going to be great value to me. I wish you the best of luck and I would like to hear from you. You can e-mail me if you wish (I believe you can click on my profile to get my address), I feel we could help eachother out.
HealingGirl

While my panic attacks didn't start because of drug use, I know that when I was younger and experimenting, I found that marijuana inevitably gave me a panic attack. I have to say, I found that very disappointing, because everyone else I knew enjoyed it. But it wasn't for me.

Also, I smoked cigarettes for a while. Most of the time I felt fine, but on occasion it would cause me to get heart palpitations, which would make me anxious. So eventually I stopped that, too.

As for forgiving yourself, I think the first thing to realize is that you didn't do anything wrong. I think you had it when you said that it wasn't necessarily the drug use, but the feelings about the drug use, that cause the panic. I know that I probably had my worst pot-induced panic attack on a Christmas Eve when I was 17. I was hanging out with my friends and we were all high, and I remember this sense of immense guilt coming over me, about how it was Christmas Eve and here I was doing drugs in a friend's basement and should I go to church and what if I died, what would my parents think? It was terrible, and very scary, but I had to realize that I had made a wrong choice, but that's okay. We're allowed to make lots of wrong choices. I think that you just have to love yourself enough to realize that you can handle the consequences of the choice (in that case, that I wouldn't die and could handle the anxious feelings) and maybe make a better decision the next time.

Good luck.

[This message has been edited by Lori (edited 03-01-2001).]