I think for some of us it's easy to know why we feel this way or at least we believe we know why. But for other people it's difficult to recognize the reasons of their disorder. In my case, I know why I'm this way. I'm a hypochondriac and I fear disease. The thought of being sick or being diagnosed with a life-threatening disease is in mind all the time. And when I say all the time I mean ALL THE TIME, every minute, every second of my day.

My dad is a hypochondriac, so I probably learned this behavior from him� perhaps I inherited this disorder. My mom used to pay extra attention to us when we were sick, and medicines were all over my house. So auto medication was really normal in my home.
I was always worried about disease, but now that I think about it, the reason why I�m like this is because of GUILT. I have done some things in my life that I can forgive myself for. I constantly beat and judge myself for what I did. And I know because I of that I feel like I DON�T DESERVE to be happy. So I�m constatly-fearing disease because some how I MUST be punished for what I�ve done.

Everything in my life is great, thank God. I have a loving family, great friends, a great job, and an awesome Fianc�, whom I will marry in 5 months. Everything is perfect in my life� or almost perfect. I don�t basically have any problems, and because I don�t have �Real problems� I create my own and decide to be miserable and fearful of diseases. This causes me grief, depression, and tons of anxiety. My life is almost ruined because of this� and I KNOW I�m doing this to myself. It�s like I�m punishing myself. How do I forgive myself??? How???? And I know I need to forgive myself�
So, so far I have listed 2 reasons: My dad being a hypochondriac and my feelings of guilt. The third one and one of the most important is my negative thoughts. And I have to thanks this program for making me realized this�.. I am, indeed, an extremely negative person. I have negatives thoughts constantly. Not only about diseases, but also about car accidents, about job situations, friends, so many things�. I didn�t know how negative I was before I started the program�.

Well starting the program is not easy� I have to say that my anxiety is somewhat worse. And it gets worse as I keep going. But I think this part of the recovery and I�m willing to accept that J

So Now I believe I know the 3 causes of my disorder� now what???? I�ll keep going with the program and work on my negative thoughts. Is there a section for forgiving yourself or something like that?

I�d love to know what you think the causes of your disorder are. I think this is so important to recognize while in the road to recovery.

Peace to all,

Gab

See Id say that being a hypochondriac, being guilty and being negative is a symptom of your anxiety and not the other way around. Most of us were at one time also hypochondriacs. Just part of the anxiety problem. You'll be surprised the amount of things that do bother your or that you do have. I thought I was just stressed and angry when I started the program...nope I had a lot more going on in my lil head of mine than I realized.

Don't worry sweety we all go through a period of "finding" ourselves...which does bring on more anxiety. It does go away and you will feel better. Just takes a bit of time

oh silly me I didn't even answer your question.

I have no idea the cause of my problem to be honest with you. I know anxiety is hereditary...both of my parents have it to some extent. But other than that no clue...but Ive been this way for as long as I can remember.

Thank you so much TLC7!!!!!! I really want to recover that's why I'm here!!!! As you siad I'm still trying to find my own self...

it takes a while but trust me one day everything will just click. Ive mentioned before, not sure if you've read, that most of my beginning changes were very subtle. Going along with the program and doing the homework made these skills so automatic (although not all the time) that I didn't realize I was doing things I never would have before the program.

About week 9 is when everthing just clicked for me. The week that I mentioned in the Triumph board. Don't know how it happened, just did.

Anyways hang in there sweety...and we are all here to help you when you need it I have no doubt you'll be "cured" from this nightmare!!

quote:

Anyways hang in there sweety...and we are all here to help you when you need it I have no doubt you'll be "cured" from this nightmare!![/QB]

Thank you so much for your warm words. You just made my heart happy