Hi everyone. It's been a while since I have posted. I am finishing the second week of full time work with Jackson Hewitt. Six weeks ago I didn't know when I would be back 100% functional but I believed it would be in 2004. I am there now. My sleep pattern is normal, I can get up with just 3 or 4 hours sleep if I have to and can function normally in the world. Things aren't perfect, but I am very grateful to God and the Midwest Center for the help I have received.

In the last of Nov. 2000 I received the Midwest Center's program and began working with it. It's taken me a little over three years to get my life back. Some on this forum have helped me along the way and this website has been very important in my recovery as well.

I just want to say to anyone who is discouraged and down that there is hope. Three years ago I couldn't function normally, was in bed a lot with depression with no hope for the future. My sleep cycle was messed up big time, sometimes not being able to go to sleep until 4 to 6am the next morning.

By listening to the tapes, working in the workbook, journaling, and learning to forgive and love myself as I was, I was able to gradually get better. There were setbacks and disappointments and at times I wondered what the heck was wrong with me, but the skills taught in the program work if we keep at it and don't give up on them when they don't seem to work at first.

I know I am still susceptible to depression, negative thinking, guilt, and anxiety and may always be. But with the program I know I can overcome any problem I face.

I have had two people get upset with me as I did their taxes because the law didn't allow them to get what they wanted. Both walked out on me angry. And I know there will be other situations like this in the future. I used to think and over analyze the situation, thinking I may have done something wrong to upset them, but no more. Life is never going to be perfect, there will always be someone who doesn't like us or gets upset with us when we had no such intent. We've got to love ourselves, accept ourselves, and BELIEVE IN OURSELVES, and FORGIVE OURSELVES, daily and hourly.

I want to work with people who are suffering from depression and anxiety. I want to pass on what I have learned and offer help when it is severely needed, and gain friends. There were times when I wanted to end my life. Thank God those times are no more. For anyone down and discouraged, please know that you can overcome this. It starts with learning to love and accept yourself as you are. There is help and hope and many good people on this board. I hope everyone has a good day.

I've told this joke before, but I'll tell it again for the sake of those who haven't heard it. When Yogi Berra (NY Yankee catcher in 1950s and '60s) was asked how he wanted his pizza he said, "Better cut it into four pieces. I don't think I can eat six."

Oh one more thing. 8 months ago I was taking 187mg amitriptyline, 50mg luidomil, 10mg buspar, and 5mg valium. I've been off of buspar and valium totally for about 3 months now (gradually taper off, don't do it all at once) and down to 47mg of amitrip daily and it's still dropping. All thanks to the skills in the program.

Hi Grateful, Thief, Serene, Silvana, Sunset, Victoria, Reena, IICor5:17, Ruh-Roh, Thud, Timber, Ron, Writerwoman, Boo_Baby, Cherrypie, Jim, Long Island Girl, everyone at the Midwest Center, Aesculapius?, Catspurr, CalifGuy, Opie, Andy, Guber, and everyone else. If I didn't mention your name I apologize. There are too many wonderful people on this board to remember everyone.

I am honored to be the first to share my smiles on your behalf.

Way to go Don53...congratulations for your courage, that led you in this fight to realize your valuable self worth and for your commitment, that enabled you to find the truth and beyond even that, for giving yourself permission to believe in that truth.

It says so much, and I am sincerely happy for you, that you were able to share such a wonderful post, in the �triumphs� forum!!

Hi Don,

Good job on your recovery.

Hey I saw that you work for jackson hewitt. So do I. I work in Indiana.

Thank you for your story. I have been in recovery for a year and can totally relate to your struggle. Mine is goiing along well and there are some "stump" periods and stuff along the way. I feel that in 2005 I will be probably stronger, happier, healthir and wiser than I have ever been in my entire life. That's just the beginning for me too. I am only 19 and I love this journey and all that comes with it. I know that one day my journey along with all of ours will show testimony to tyhe "triumph" if the human spirit. There is now mountain too great and no barrier too strong to stop people of our calibur. We are the few whoh have taken power in our lives. This condidtion has taught me the value of self-improvement and of loving my life. Good luck on all of your journeys......I will see you on the other side of the mountain.

Hi Don I can't even find the words to describe how happy I am for you. Your post brought tears to my eyes!! Thank you so much for sharing your success with us!!!!

Happy trails to you

Don,
Your post also brought tears of joy to my eyes as well. I am soooooooooo very happy for you and wish you the best in all that you do.
Continue taking GREAT care.

Hi Don53,

I'm really happy for you! Good luck in the future.

God bless!

Midnight blue

Its so inspiring to hear the stories of people who are finding ways to move on a be content. This morning I took a walk around my block but went in a different direction. I chose a path that had more noise and traffic and went further than i usually do, I've recently had a pretty big setback in my anxiety recently but I came to a point where "enough is enough"...as I stepped out my front door and reached the end of my street those panicky feelings came back but I immediatly closed my eyes and let the sun shine on my face as I thought " I'm free".

Needless to say my anxiety went from about 8.5 to a 4 instantly. I was engaging myself in a CHANGE of routine (something that people with anxiety do'nt like) and I was just fine. It goes to show how much your attitude affects you. My thoughts are with you all on your paths to happiness as well

After leaving the university the other day I realized I had forgotten to say hi to Lori sorry, J.O.P. how could I forget you, Tammy, and Devad. I'm sure there are others. Sorry. Hope you guys are doing all right. I'm here at the university again tonight to study. TAke care, all of you.

Don, I can't believe I didn't see this post until now!

I am so happy for you and your recovery!! Your words give hope to the hopeless !!!

To know that you are almost off your meds completely is wonderful and is proof that people can live without them in time and at their own pace.

You are right, life is truly about loving yourself unconditionally and forgiving yourself.
ACCEPTANCE no matter what!!!

I imagine you will help many in your life. God really knows what's He's doing and I'm sure you will be blessed.

Take Care and keep in touch !!

Don,
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy for you! You have come a long way and believe me I know it takes work, patience, persistance, and a determined spirit, which you certainly have. Your "pearls of wisdom" posted on the forum have inspired me greatly, and I relate strongly as I have the same if not identical, depression challenges and emotional stumbling blocks that you have openly expressed in the forum. Savor the victory. You deserve it my friend. Ron

Nice to hear Don,
I've made some progress too here the last couple days.See my post at "Less Xanax at Night".People should never give up.We are stronger than we think.I too feel a certain connection like I want to help people deal w anxiety.I can totally relate to it.It may be something for me to look into.It helps to have a good self-image of oneself.Nerves or anxiety also has alot to do w low self-esteem.We can't just say,"I think I will
get self-esteem."It has to be worked at and cultivated.And what you say about people getting angry at you or whoever is common.
As the saying goes....

"You can please some of the people some of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time."

Hi Don-I just saw your post and I am so happy for you. When you stated that with the program you can overcome any problem now-well that is exactly how I feel. So happy to see your post and congratulations!!!!! Timber

Thanks everyone for responding. Life isn't perfect, in fact, it isn't even satisfying sometimes. What I didn't tell you about my second week of full employment at Jackson Hewitt: they made me receptionist for the day for three days of that week. I think this would be hard for a guy to take no matter what age, but at 54 with an accounting degree and years of accounting and work experience, it was difficult. I had to tell myself not to overreact, to wait 24 hours before deciding to say or do anything. I got to do a number of returns after the first hour or two as "receptionist" each day, so it wasn't that bad. And the boss knows my history with depression, so maybe she was trying to go easy on me, I don't know. But I did have to talk to myself one day for an hour or two very consistently and patiently to make the anger go away. I felt like just quitting. At one point I told the boss, when she asked me to number folders for the next day, "You know, I have an MBA." At which point she almost cracked up laughing and that was the purpose for the remark. And the response from the TV ad after that is, "Aww, you poor thing. Here, I'll do it for you". lol. Now the job is pretty much over for the year and I'm looking for full time work elsewhere. I may never do better than a buck or two above minimum wage the way others seem to respond to me and what they think of my capabilities. But it won't be because I didn't try. As Gilda Radner used to say on Saturday Night Live, "It's always something!"

Here's something funny you can try and pull on your family and friends and telemarketers. The next time you get a phone call, answer it, "Joe's mule barn, this is the mule speaking." lol. Some find it funny. Sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't! Almond Joy's got nuts, Mounds don't!

The wife and I are going to the last men's and women's college basketball game of the season tonight, here at the university. Hope everyone has a peaceful and enjoyable weekend. Take care.

Don,
I had to laugh when you gave hits on answering the phone. My dad often answered the phone by saying "Bill's NUT HOUSE"... The house I grew up in had 6 kids....so you can imagine that this was his way of keeping his sanity!!