I did something today, that I would not have even considered doing since at least 1996 (my struggle with anxiety/agoraphobia). My wife’s company participates in a program where you volunteer to buy Christmas gifts for elderly patients living on their own in a hospital. You get a card with the person’s name and a few of their wished for items and then you go shopping. My wife has participated with this for many years and then on occasion has also been one of the volunteers who make the trip to the hospital in order to hand the gifts out. She has told me it can be very difficult emotionally, as some patients have passed on before the gifts arrive, or are not in the best of conditions or spirits.

Well...this year, I told my wife as we were buying the gifts...that if she volunteered to pass out the gifts this year, that I would like to go and help as well if that was possible. She said it would be.

So I arrived at her work and the plans had abruptly changed...there were so many gifts that my car was needed (and now I was locked in...no turning back...a situation I know you all understand the implications of.) I had done my 2-4 breathing on the way over and was basically un-phased. We loaded the cars and headed over. Organizing everything in the hospital was hectic...I was still doing fine...we had some “interesting” moments with and in an elevator...and I continued to do fine. Incredible. In fact...one nurse made a comment about her claustrophobia and I just smiled inwardly. If she only knew who she was talking to, a person who's been basically living in his house for the past 4+ years.

My wife was right...it was difficult emotionally, feeling for these patients and their circumstances...but then my wife and I went to deliver to ‘our guy.’ He wasn’t in his room and we were disappointed but left our gifts on his bed. Then a nurse over heard our disappointment and pointed to ‘our guy’--the man walking down the hall towards his room...we turned around and met him. He was so emotional and couldn’t figure out how he could be so fortunate...he said he had seen all the gifts in the lobby and had said Hail Mary’s and prayed...though he knew none of the gifts could be for him because nobody knows him. He just kept saying how nobody knows him and how we must be Angels...and how our gifts matched what he needed, was beyond him. Simple things like slippers (he had needed to throw out his old ones and could only walk around in shoes), a comforter (he pointed to the thin afghan on his bed...another soft bed cover to which he exclaimed, “Now, I may just stay in bed.” (I took this in a good way ) If he only knew how much more he was giving than receiving.

It was not so long ago when I seldom left my house...and when I did; I was back as soon as possible. I wanted to share this story because it goes to show what we can do with some of the freedom and progress we make through healing ourselves...today I was able to use some of that freedom and progress in order to make a small difference in someone else’s life...I was able to do it and not just wish that I could do it. We all have so much to give and it is so painful and frustrating as we struggle to find a way to be the kind of people we know we can and want to be. My healing has not happened over night by any means and it continues today...but it has been working this program and taking small steps...started with praising myself for just getting out of bed each day...that enabled today to happen for me. I wanted to share this because it is a testament to the value of supporting each and every small step forward we take...and because my triumph was made all the more special because it touched another who was in plenty need of something positive in his life as well.

Thanks for reading and keep at those small steps.
JOP

What a wonderful post.. it brought tears to my eyes! Congratulations on making such a huge step and facing so many fears at once... getting out of the house, driving, the elevator... quite an accomplishment! And it is awesome you could use that opportunity to bring joy to someone else. Helping others is a great motivator to venture beyond our comfort zone and it brings such a sense of fulfillment.

Much peace to you this holiday season...

Jen

{{{{{{{{{{JOP}}}}}}}}}}
You gave me goose bumps, chicken skin, or whatever you want to call it, but you made my hairs stand-up straight Thank God for all your achievments, and I thank you for sharring them with us! I hope you and your wife has a Blessed Christmas, and a Happy New Year! Take care! Elisa

Justin, I think that man was right. You are an angel. I can't tell you how many times your posts have helped me get a better handle on my thoughts. Congratulations on giving yourself a true gift this holiday season.

Justin,

I read your story and probably along with many others, shed a tear and my heart was touched.

I am so happy for you and that your actions brought so much joy to another human being. Sometimes if we put our focus, our attention on other things, it takes our minds off our issues.

YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION to those suffering from agoraphobia. Thank you so much for sharing your touching story. lizb

Thank you so much for sharing that wonderful story. It is so encouraging to hear about others facing their fears, and making small steady steps forward. And what a touching way to do it!

Thank you so much for sharing and encouraging us all in the best possible way.

~Allison

Thanks gals ...you all actually managed to make me more emotional while reading your responses, than I had been telling the story! And you are a great group and you’ve all done a lot of good for this forum and those needing Positive support. I was glad to hear from each of you.

Jee, Elisa, schnauzermom(Lizb), and gates9...this forum has had a positive resurgence of late and believe me when I tell you that each of you have been a part of the reason and can be extremely proud of your contributions. Look when you each registered if you don’t believe me...late 2005 brought some great people to this board. Keep strengthening those positive voices here...but don’t lose sight of who that voice is most important to. I’ve enjoyed reading the thoughts and encouragement you’ve each given to others in various threads...and thank you for the encouragement you’ve given me in this one.

jbzelliott. You’ve been around a bit longer, so I couldn’t put you in the 2005 class. But, I have read lots of your posts as well going back quite awhile now, and if I haven’t before...I wanted to pass on my compliments for the positive, compassionate, encouraging and program savvy/skill savvy voice you bring to the forum and share with others. I appreciate very much that you lent that voice to me this time around.

So thank you all for sharing your comments and this triumph with me.

My best
JOP

Hi Justin,
What a wonderful and beautiful experience to share with us. You reached out to another and were blessed in return. I can only imagine how special it was to meet the gentleman you had picked out gifts for and to know they were much appreciated. Brings tears to me eyes.
And I agree with everyone else here, you are an inspiration and a real blessing to us all here.

Again thank you so much for sharing your inspirational story. It will remain on my mind during this Christmas season. God bless.

Hey friend,

I just wanted to say you are a very good and kind person and I am so glad to hear of your success. I'm glad everything went so well. You definitely deserve it. You have a very good heart, JOP, and are a very likeable guy. Keep trucking young man. As you say, it is one step at a time, but we do get stronger with each step. So glad to see you are still a part of this forum. You bring out the best in others.

Wishing you, your wife, and family members a very Merry Christmas and wishing you continued success in the new year.

JOP,

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU. YOU HAVE GIVEN YOURSELF ONE OF THE BEST GIFTS POSSIBLE WITH TAKING THIS STEP. I HAVE NOT BEEN ON THE FORUM FOR A WHILE AND WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE YOUR NAME AS I HAVE YOU LISTED AS ONE OF MY NOTIFICATION. YOU HAVE INSPIRED ME SO MANY TIMES. I WAS FEELING JUST A LITTLE DOWN TONIGHT AND DECIDED TO CHECK MAIL BEFORE GOING TO BED. I'M SURE GLAD I DID. I HOPE YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH YOUR KIND HEART TOUCHES OTHERS. I'M SURE THAT GENTLEMEN WILL THINK OF HIS ANGELS EVERYTIME HE'S WRAPPED IN THE WARMTH OF YOUR GIFTS. JUST LIKE I THINK OF YOU WHENEVER I PULL OUT MY COPY OF "THE REASON" I PRINTED OFF OF YOUR ONE POST. I KEEP IT WITH ME IN MY HOLDER WITH MY LUCINDA CARDS. I NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT THEM.(KIND OF LIKE THE SECURITY OF THAT FAMOUS CREDIT CARD YOU SHOULD NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT ) I BETTER BE CLOSING BECAUSE IT'S LATE AND PART OF MY BETTER ME PROGRAM IS TO GET MORE SLEEP AND GET UP EARLIER .

DON 53 & GRATEFUL, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR THE WONDERFUL INSPIRATIONS AT THE END OF YOUR POSTS. THESE TO PUT A LITTLE SMILE IN MY HEART.
MERRY CHRISTMAS & AND HAPPY "NEW" YEAR TO ALL!
FAITH

Grateful and Don53,

It was a real treat to hear from the both of you...and neat...because all in the same thread, I’ve had a chance to salute a good group of newer positive voices to this forum...and to salute two of the ‘older’ positive voices that welcomed me when I arrived. To those reading this...Don53 and Grateful were among a small group that really inspired me thru their posts and thoughts when I first came to this forum...a couple of my MWC forum mentors! Thank you both very much and just for grins...I thought I’d repost something I posted on Dec 03, 2003...something that holds true thru today:

------- ------------ ------------ -----------
12/03/03
To Don53 and Grateful:

This is a bit late, but I wanted to thank both of you for kind comments and support. Don, the confidence in your post that I'll be back to work if I keep going with the program made me stand a little taller that day. And Grateful, the positive feedback you gave to us guys and our sharing was much appreciated and thanks for relaying a piece of your story. I imagine by your member number - that you may feel as though you are repeating yourself at times - but for those of us relatively new to the forum, and for all those who continue to join - the information you share is brand new and valuable. And that goes for you Don, as well.

Us newbies have much to gain from listening intently to those who have found the sustained courage and discipline to really fight for a better quality of life.
Thanks
JOP
--------- --------- ----------- ---------- -----

Thank you guys. I have such tremendous respect for you both...knowing how far you’ve both come...and knowing like us all, that the information you’ve shared on this forum is just a sketch of that journey. And because you both have inspired me...and because I know you both continue to work to inspire yourselves...your comments are just very humbling and I’m proud to hold your esteem and be considered a friend...truly.

Faithinme,

Thanks for your response...and your kindness. And it’s funny...and I know none of us tend to think this way about ourselves...but you and the others above all inspire me when I come here just as much. When I saw the energy change between your first post in the ‘no hope’ thread, and your second post...I was inspired. And it’s okay if you don’t move mountains every time you have a burst of that positive energy...it’s the little things we glimpse from those bursts, and remember, and repeat, that keep are feet headed in the healthy direction. You and Elisa and the others I mentioned above...it’s obvious you all are really trying, all flexing those positive thoughts and looking for that next accomplishment...and that’s inspirational to me...it helps keep me pointed in my own positive direction...makes me want to keep trying and reminds me when I need reminding...like in that ‘reason’ post for example.


My best

Thank you all for taking the time to encourage me and I’d like to echo Don’s comments and wish you all and family members a very Merry Christmas and continued success in the New Year.