Hi Friends -

It's been quite a while since I've last posted. As you can tell by my screen name, relationships were the one thing that brought my anxiety level up to incapacitating levels.

A little over 2 years ago, I started dating a man, was so overwhelmed by the thought of "I can't do this" "what if he finds out I have an anxiety disorder" "He's to good for me". It threw me right back into a depressive episode. No sleep, no eating, heart palpitations all day, uncontrolable tears and that black hole of hopless depressive dread.

It wasn't easy, but I knew that I didn't want my fear to dictate my life. i did go back on medication (Zoloft), went back to my therapist (just as a resource to unload all the muck), but most importantly, I talked to my new boyfriend. It was extremly hard to admit to him that I have this "thing", but it's part of who I am, part of my package. Although anxiety sucks, it has also forced me to gain a deeper understanding of my spiritual side and also helped me help other people who have depressive and or anxious episode.
So I called my new flame and told him there was something important for me that I wanted to tell him. I said that I do indeed have an anxiety disorder, had it most of my life. It's usually in check, but there are certain instances where it catches me off guard, get brought to the surface and takes a little while to be put back in it's place.
I told him that it was really hard for me to admit this to him, but if we were going start a romantic relationship (we had already been friends for a year)that he needs to know that this is part of the package. Unfortunatly, if this is something that he could not deal with, it's better we know now. Honestly, if he couldn't deal and be compassionate, he really wouldn't have been someone I'd want to date in the first place.
Long story short, I thought this was a HUGE revelation, he listened and said "So? All I know is that we have a great time together and I'd like to continue to have fun with you."
He proposed a year and a half later, which also broght up anxiety. I thought I'd completly panic and no way be able to handle the big wedding of my dreams. I posted in the forums and asked for advise. One woman told me that she was too scared to have the wedding of her dreams, and has always regretted it. I didn't want to do that, although that's what my panic told me I wanted to do.
So...longer story short (oh wait I sait that already We're leaving for our destination wedding tomorrow, we're having 100 guests and it's turning into quite the affair. I'm so excited I just don't know what to do with myself.
But most of all, I'm so proud that i did not run away because of my anxiety. It can be done. I may have other episodes in the future, but I'll get over it, I have in the past, I will again.

Thank you for letting me go on and on. I've appriciated the support i've received in the forums.

Take care of yourself and make your own success story

Very much love and happiness,

K

K thank you for posting your story. Congradulations and best of luck to you. I believe the moral of your story is honesty is the best policy. I have been shut in for over a year now suffering deep depression over the loss of one of my sons. Thats why I am on here and why I ordered the program. Your story gives ne hope that one day I will meet and catch the person of my dreams as well. If I do meet her you can bet I will be forthcoming of my dark side,Bruce

Hi Bruce -

We all have dark sides. It's the only thing that can help us appriciate the lighter side of life.

I am just so sorry to hear of your loss. I keep typing responses and then erasing them, I do not want to say something trite and "self help-y". One thing I do want to say is that you do not have to "get over" such a loss, but you can and will learn to live with it.

For me, once I stopped being ashamed of my dark side, I was able to talk about it. Once I started talking about it, it seemed alot less shameful. Even funny sometimes. Much less intense.

You're in my thoughts. We're all friends here. You are not alone.

Hi Lovephob!
Congratulations, I hope you have the day of your dreams. I'm getting married in a few weeks so your story is very nice to read. Please let me know how it goes.
Best regards Didde