I figured that the only way to get out of that state of mind that is known as depression is to deal with all the problems in my life.I'm scared to death but no matter how i feel i'm going up there and dealing with him today. I got some support people and motivational music and pictures. Its definately not going to be a pic-nic but its better to hurt more in a set period of time and then start the healing process then it is to feel this hurt for the rest of my life. Wish me luck and i'll fill you in on the details later on

Mike

Hi Mike,
I hope things went well for you. Hope you got to say what you needed to say, so you could move on. Lucinda had some good advice on dealing with something of this nature. Saying what you need to say and not expecting anything in return from the offending party.
I hope you will share if you feel up to it.
Wishing you healing and peace of mind.

Thank you grateful. I did end up going. My motive was to say how i felt and how it was wrong and how he had no power over me. I kinda expected a bit of a fight but that didn't happen. I asked him why it happened and he said "what you going to hold that against me" and then he admitted to it and appologized but then it turned bad. Its like he was attacking me with his depression. He said how there wasn't anything in the world left to live for and how the other older members of the family were going to die soon too. He said he didn't care if he died that day or the next day but he wasn't going to take his own life but wait to go naturally. He then proceeded to tell me things that i didn't need to know. He told me when my mother was pregnant with my sister, my biological father didn't want my sister and punched my mother in the stomach to try to kill her and this other time, my biological father was having sex with my mother while she was having a siezure and thats when i was concieved. She didn't even know she had sex. He tried to make me feel guilty. He said he wrote out a letter of appology and was going to give it to me but i wasn't talking to him. I ended up saying that i wasn't going to feel guilty for that cuz i wasn't ready to talk. He also mentioned b4 those things that i was like my father. I left there in a state of shock and i was still in shock the next day until i talked to my friend trish who works with troubled teens. she deals with this kinda thing everyday, she said its not something i can confirm or deny and it happened in the past and there is no reason to hold onto it. It wasn't my problem and i definately didn't have any control over that. I spent since i can remember dwelling on the past and how it was wrong and after i dealt with it, the dwelling stopped at least on the far past. Now i'm still dwelling on sataurday so i just gatta do some problem solving on paper and then i'll never have to think about it again. I'm not quite sure whats to come with him or the rest of my family. I'm not sure if i wanna see him again or not. Only time can tell but i think now i can finally live in the present moment.

Good for you for facing your fears. Most people do not get as far as you have passed.
Sounds like this guy is garbage, especially for filling your head with bad thoughts and disturbing images of things past. You are old enough to form your own judgements, and good for you for not allowing his depression ruin your means for being there. Hang in there. You are headed in the right direction. Be compassionate with yourself. Stay strong!

quote:

Its like he was attacking me with his depression.

Hi Mike,
This is very observant of you to see this, and this is exactly what it sounds like. Many times hurting people want to hurt others. Very unfortunate.
I can't imagine that he can possibly know what happened way back when, and "stories" can become quite distorted after time and telling. I am so glad to hear that you aren't going to dwell on this because it really isn't important is it. Every family has had it's struggles, and those unfortunate struggles were "theirs" and in the past. We don't need to carry that baggage around with us. But I know that you know this. Know that it is very normal to be upset for a time after dealing with a situation like this. Do what you can to move on and it will pass.
It must of helped some to know that this young man wanted to apologize. That's something. Perhaps if you decide to see him again, let him know right off that you don't want to talk about the past anymore. That you're moving on with your own life. If he doesn't respect you on this then you will have to decide what to do. Sometimes distancing ourselves from people for a time will give them the message you mean what you say. Just a little advice for what it's worth.
Continue taking great care and good for you! for doing what you want/need to do to move forward.

thanx a bunch. I did find out for a fact that the part about the siezure was true. turns out he wasn't the only one my mother told. It does kinda make me sick to think about it but its not my problem. I figured dealing with him would make me feel a whole lot better right after i was done with him, but i now see thats not true. I've had a bad headache since i dealt with it. I've quit my job. That happened b4 i left. i gave my 2 weeks and everything. The temp agency i registered for already has a position available and i'm getting ready to go into schooling in sept. I'm pretty sure those things are secure. I got alot of stuff to work out and alot i don't really know. I'm not exactly sure what my problems are. I know that i've carried that anger around for well since i can remember and now its gone and it sounds kinda wierd but i feel a little lost without it.It feels like a hole has been ripped through me. The only thing i can think about is to take some time to relax. Time to myself. Any advice?

Hi Mike,
You're seeking healing. You've dealt with something very difficult to help you heal. You're ready to move past it and are feeling a little lost. These are all very understandable and all very natural feelings. Accept them and move forward. I'd like to encourage you to go through the Midwest program again. It's filled with skills to help you focus on the future and seeking optimism. I believe this can greatly help right now. It's so important to replace "old" things with new healthier things, in our lives and thoughts. Again I do believe this will greatly help right now. Strive to fill your days with as much positive as possible. A new hobby perhaps, uplifting music, humorous and/or uplifting books, shows. Maybe plan to go somewhere you've been wanting to go. Do all you can to move forward to a "healthier", more optimist, life. You deserve this. You can do it, one step at a time.

hey thanx grateful.
Ya i ended up being left alone in toronto got ditched and decided to take the opportunity to try socializing even with my socialphobia well it was very very akward and i felt back for not being fully social which later i realized you cannot conquer the whole problem at once you need to take smaller steps and smaller goals and that has motivated me to start going back through the program again cept this time i would do a diffrent lesson everyday and listen to some subliminal stuff as well, your right i do need to be more positive, i try spending a little time singing everyday it helps even if i'm not too good at it plus it helps me talk louder and add more emphasis to what i say and i've met a few more positive people and i think i'm gunna take ur advice about humorus shows i think that'd help out too. Newayz thanx

quote:

Ya i ended up being left alone in toronto got ditched and decided to take the opportunity to try socializing even with my socialphobia well it was very very akward and i felt back for not being fully social which later i realized you cannot conquer the whole problem at once you need to take smaller steps and smaller goals and that has motivated me to start going back through the program again cept this time i would do a diffrent lesson everyday and listen to some subliminal stuff as well, your right i do need to be more positive, i try spending a little time singing everyday it helps even if i'm not too good at it plus it helps me talk louder and add more emphasis to what i say and i've met a few more positive people and i think i'm gunna take ur advice about humorus shows i think that'd help out too.

Good for you Mike! You're doing good things for YOU. What a blessing when we can start doing this. A real turning point. And yes, we can not change or overcome things in a day. Gradual steps, "one day at a time" will build our confidence and lots and lots of pats on the back.
Continue taking great care, and especially on those days you need it most. You're doing great.
P.S. Singing sure does lift the spirit, but I never considered that it may help one talk louder and with more emphasis. That's very interesting. Thanks for sharing.

thanx for helping and the support and well just everything. Ya singing enables you to be able to increase your pitch, volume and well confidence too, i've noticed that my voice has changed a bit since i first started, i had a very very bad voice in my opinion especially with singing but i can make my voice do alot more then i use to and its diffrent when i don't sing either its basically my time to myself.