I got divorced several years ago. I really haven't "dated" at all since the divorce. This really nice guy asked me out a few weeks ago. He's in the process of a divorce. We went out four times. He kept talking about his problem with anxiety and that the doctor put him on medicine--but that he really doesn't need it. I told him right at the start that all I was looking for right now was friendship--especially since his divorce wasn't final yet. He kept trying to "make moves" on me, which I wasn't interested in. Also, he basically promised me the world. We have a lot in common and I wouldn't mind considering a relationship in the future, but for now I really just need a friend. But, he took me to the movies last night and he just wouldn't keep his hands off of me and he kept wanting me to kiss him. So, I stood my ground the best that I could and told him "no". In the past, I might have been a huge pushover. This morning, he broke up with me via e-mail--at least for the present time. So, I feel bad for him, but he really needs to work on some stuff (such as his anxiety) before I could consider getting very close to him. Life goes on, huh?

Still, a triumph nonetheless! Good for you for knowing what you want and what you need, and going after it. I dated all kinds of wrong guys after my divorce - not all bad certainly, but I think I'm only now starting to realize what I want. Anyway, it sounds like you're better off without him and perhaps in time he'll recover somewhat from his own anxiety/depression issues and then you can see if there's really anything there worth pusuing.

drg,
You as far as i can see are ONE smart lady. its very good your being careful not to immediately get back in a relationship. That takes real courage and i admire your being able to say NO!!. You stick to your guns on this one. Take care of YOU before you get in another relationship.. Take CareNelly

Way to go with being assertive, DRG!!! To me, as a woman, being assertive is one of my hardest things to do, and hearing your story makes me want to jump for joy for you. It's so great that you aren't jumping into something to save yourself from being alone, it's absolutely FABUOLUS that you are able to recognize his problems as HIS problems, and not anything wrong with you...and it is fantastic that you stood your ground and you loved you more than anything, and you put YOU first and that is the most wonderful thing anyone can do!

You know, you just may have taught him something in this, and meanwhile you can feel darn good about yourself!

You go, girl!
Rebecca

Drg,
Good for you! All I could think about while reading your post was...RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This guy made me anxious just reading about him!
You deserve better.
And hey-don't be afraid to set your sights high. For instance, 1.He should be way over his own divorce and healed before attempting to date.
2. You deserve respect not sexual harassment. 3. You deserve to feel calm in another's presence, not anxious. 4. Look for a man without all the baggage, you're working on you. 5. You need to be wanted not the life sucked out of you. 6. And you don't need to feel bad for anyone. Take care of you!
I don't know if your spiritual, but when the Lord has someone for you it's nice and easy. I wouldn't "think too much" about considering him.
Be blessed,you're worth it.
Kristen

Thanks, everybody! Your responses have been very helpful to me. Very positive and uplifting! I wish I could return the favor to each of you in some special way, so I guess the best I can do is to say a prayer for each of you. Thanks, again. It's nice to know I finally learned a little something about being assertive and could actually put it to use. Take care.

DRG,
I can't tell you how much I can relate to what you did, only you took the "extra step" from being afraid to say no, to being assertive and saying no, I am better than this and this isn't what I want right now. I'm so proud that you let him that you need your space to get used to the idea of dating again, and respect your wishes.
I am in a terribly difficult position right now with a relationship that I haven't got the courage and assertiveness to stand up and be strong in. It is coming but slowly. Much more slowly that I would have hoped for. Someday I will be as strong as you were. In the meantime, I will remember what you did and know that I can be that "strong, independent woman" that I was raised as, before this stinky anxiety and depression seemingly took over my emotional and mental well being.
What you did for yourself is a beautiful, wonderful thing and you should be so proud! I know I am proud of you and I am praying for you to stay strong and keep your chin up! This is a personal victory for you!!!!! Love ya, Nikki Jo

Dear Nikki Jo, Thanks for the kind words. I'm so sorry that you're in a not-so-great place in a relationship. That's got to be hard. Something that truly helped me was reading Joyce Meyer's book, Approval Addiction. Now I'm reading Joel Osteen's Your Best Life Now. I'm Catholic and I really never imagined reading books like that to find what I truly needed. But, they have both been EXTREMELY helpful to me. They go right along with what the Program teaches and the Catholic faith. They just use different words to say the same thing--and really reinforce it. I will pray for you and hope that you will come up with the answers that you need. Take care. Debbie