I have dealt with anxiety for about 3-4 years, and I have had my fair deal of lingering anxiety and panic attacks here and there. One thing I never did was become afraid of going places. I've always been willing to do whatever I have to do - and I do it, even if I know I might feel anxious for whatever reasons. Anyways, I've been working on myself for a couple months now - and although I know it's not best to be impatient, I always catch myself being THAT. I guess because we all know how much we hate this and want to get over it. So I started a couple months back at changing my attitude, thoughts ... ect. The first major part was accepting the panic attacks - floating with them, accepting and NOT fighting. I haven't had one in months - but who's counting right? So here I am months later, doing MUCH MUCH MUCH better - being able to do whatever I want and enjoying a much more clearer state of mind. It's amazing what happens to you when you really pay strict attention to what you're thinking. One thing I noticed though is how much I notice my anxiety. The nervousness ... I feel it all to acutely now, and it's been bothersome, but tolerable. I just try my absolute hardest to simply float with the feeling and accepting all I feel - even though those subconscious thoughts like to float about sometimes. They suck. Fighting them is probably the worse. It's almost like a record tape playing over and over again - and turning those little negative quiet thoughts into positives is the hardest - but, it is working. I definitely agree that self esteem is KEY to recovery. Since I have changed my point of view on things, I've been feeling ALOT more happier about life and things in general. I still have my moments though - even typing this is making my stomach churn a bit, because I feel very skeptical. I hope that's normal. That's my problem - being skeptical. Wondering if it's really working! I know in my heart that I have been doing EVER thing right, and I'm convincing myself each day that the feelings of anxiety are completely normal - and are no more than anything, but why do I still get the nervous stomach when I think about things? I guess maybe I just fear the future, and I have to start working on living in the present moment. One thing that I had started to obsess over, which is considered a scary thought was suicide. Even the word freaks me out, which it never did before. It was never even a thought in my mind until I started becoming pretty anxious a while back. I think my biggest fear is that I will revert to my old ways, lose control and just kill myself. How crazy is that? I know in my heart and soul that I love life - I love everything - but that dark thought comes to mind sometimes and it really gets my stomach going - and it could be the biggest set back by far for me that's holding me to really reaching my limits. I guess maybe I don't trust myself - and I am not aware of all of this is going. I know Lucinda said, once you start and learn all these tools you can NEVER go back to who you were. I believe her, but yet my anxious mind doesn't. Does that make sense? Does anyone ever notice that when you're anxious, you start all the negativity again - and start questioning yourself? Why is THAT? I've been telling myself that regardless of what, and no matter how HARD this might feel and seem sometimes, I'm going to win the battle. I hate living my life in fear of symptoms from a simple panic attack. It's ridiculous. And I think that's all my problem is. I'm afraid of reverting back to my old habits ... afraid of moving forward and not knowing the future. Will the positivity really settle more and more as I keep reassuring myself and telling myself good things? It definitely has been working - and I feel it!!!! I just hate being anxious and not believing a single thing ... it sucks.

I also don't take medication. I was on Lexapro about a 2 years ago when I first had a panic attack, but I had decided to stay off of it because I knew I could do this on my own. I know Lucinda said she beat it without medication too - and I believe she said on one of her tapes that she was in 15 years recovery! I thought that was amazing and it made me feel great. If she can do it, anyone can.

Just looking for some hopeful words of advice and wisdom. This self doubt really sucks - it really makes me nervous sometimes ... and I know it's not the REAL me!!! I am getting SO much better ... and maybe I'm just at that point where I'm wondering where this is all going ... and I have to really gather the courage within me to believe in that change.

Julez, I used to be a regular poster on this site, but I haven't posted for a while. I have suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember (I'm 46 now). I first went through Attacking Anxiety in the late 90s. Gosh, it took me a long time to internalize the lessons of the program. I am still learning.

I've had setbacks - even some big ones where it seemed like I forgot everything I had learned from this program and other great self-help and counseling supports. The key is that I knew where to find the road back. I knew to come back here, to begin reading positive books on how to get back on track, to turn to my support system. And I've worked my way out each time, and each time I learn a little bit more.

I'm so much better than I used to be because I walk in the truth. I know that anxiety is a sign that I need to keep working on those feelings and living in the moment. It's not easy, but it is worth it.

It sounds like you are on the right track and doing wonderfully. Keep up the good work! Those doubts are just negative thoughts playing their same old game. You know how to deal with them.
Julie