I just got this forwarded to me and thought that it was too good not to share with you all.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

1. On Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

2. On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(Evidently, the shoplifter special.)

3. On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how...?)

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's *just* a suggestion.)

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
"Do not turn upside down."
(DOH! too late!)

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows the day...)

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope.)

10. On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)

11. On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: Contains nuts."
(NEWS FLASH)

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)

14. On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)

15. On a Swedish chain saw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."
(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? Good grief.)

16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:
"Do not use on food."
(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's okay honey just grab the Palmolive!)

17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste:
"If swallowed contact poison control."
(Oh please. Have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?)

18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:
"Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
(Hey no more swimming in the washing machine kids.)

Wolfie,

LOL! Toooo FUNNY!! Those were great! Thanks for the laugh. Take care!

Doylie

haha I've heard those before but they're just as funny every time. I like the commentary lines too. Did you write them wolf?

I just love reading those things! I guess the favorite one that I have ever heard would be for a fan belt that goes in your car.... "warning, do not install fan belt while engine is running" i mean, duh, your whole arm would be pulverized! My brother once told me that they put these labels on things after someone actually tried it, and hurt themselves. Then by law, they had to put the warning on there... I dont' know if that is true or not, just what I heard. I still think they are hilarious... thanks for passing them along!

That was cute. But it wouldn't be complete without the following:

Claim Jumper Frozen Entrees (a new product selling the restaurants food)
Instructions read "Step 1: Open box by pulling tab on side of box. (like we didn't know that one)
but the funniest part is a few steps down when you get to stab your gravy bag to vent. LOL I finally get to vent on something.

Thanks for sharing, that was entertaining and I'm sure that there are more out there.I think your humor is in tact. Thank you and take care.

------------------
Tim

[This message has been edited by Timber64 (edited 07-09-2002).]