The following is purely to be taken from a comical standpoint; For those of us who are overly sensistive please don't take this seriously. The best way to deal with anxiety is to humor it and here is my version of what all not to do. I am in no way condoning the following and I am definitely not telling you to go out and do this. Enjoy.

ANYONE FEEL FREE TO ADD TO THE LIST THIS IS ALL I CAME UP WITH FOR NOW.

ALWAYS HAVE A BACKUP PERSON TO BLAME WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG... ALWAYS

IF YOU WANT TO EAT CHOCOLATE AND DRINK COFFEE FROM NOON TO 9... DO IT ALREADY!

EVERY MORNING WHEN YOU WAKE UP TELL YOURSELF HOW MUCH YOU SUCK AND YOUR LIFE IS GOING NO WHERE

DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD TILL YOU FEEL LIKE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK AND THEN LAUGH AT YOURSELF WHEN IT HAPPENS

JUST FOR ONE DAY SAY ALL OF YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS OUT LOUD AND SHOUT THEM AT PEOPLE IF YOU FEEL THEY AREN'T LISTENING

GIVE EVERYONE A DETAILED LIST OF WHAT YOU EXPECT FROM THEM AND IF THEY DON'T COME THROUGH REFUSE TO TALK TO THEM INDEFINITELY

REFUSE TO TAKE ANY MEDICATION AND SEE JUST HOW CRAZY YOU CAN GET

REMEMBER THAT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS YOU ARE NEVER TO BE SORRY AND ITS NEVER YOUR FAULT

CALL ALL OF YOUR BILL COLLECTORS AND GIVE THEM YOUR CORRECT ADDRESS AND TELEPHONE NUMBERS

.....ANYONE ELSE WANT TO ADD ANYTHING?

HA HA !!!

As Denice says, don't take these seriously! It's really funny when you've worked passed alot the initial hurdles and got things under control. Here's a few more....

Expect yourself to have that university degree that you know you deserved and had a right to, eventhough everythings going fine without it!

Demand your inlaws to be *nice people* and think the same way as you, afterall that's only FAIR! And afterall, you've made sure that your partner now thinks the same way as your own parents right?!

If you get splashed by a passing car while walking on a rainy day, remember that the driver of that car, eventhough they've never met you, they got up extra early that morning to intentionally plan it out and do it!

When the guy at the supermarket gave you the wrong change, remind yourself that yes, it ALWAYS happens to you only, and yes, he planned that one out especially for you, because he was the guy driving the car that splashed you in the rain that morning!

Then you remind yourself, that these things only happen on rainy days.

Then you see the weather report, and there is rain forecast for the WHOLE week ahead. Wow, there's gonna be some trouble brewin ahead! So that requires bingeing out on all the junk food just purchased from that rip off supermarket.

You know what is really helpful?...

get a piece of paper and a pen, strip down to your birthday suit and stand in front of a full length mirror, please make a list of everything that you percieve as "wrong" with you and post it on your fridge as a constant reminder of your imperfections... very theraputic...lol...

make sure you point out these imperfections to everyone you know so that they won't feel as though you decieved them in some way by pretending you are okay.. or somehow acceptable.. we wouldn't want anyone to be under the false illusion that you are fine or good enough or anything crazy like that!!

Peace... Julia

[COLOR:PURPLE]VERY FUNNY FRANK.. I like that expect to have that university degree... and the junkfood one...LOL also Julia you made me laugh with the write down all your imperfections...LOl that's awesome!

...EXPECT TO GET EXCELLENT CUSTOMER SERVICE AT ALL RESTAURANTS AND RETAIL STORES AND THREATEN TO EMAIL THE CEO IF YOU DON'T ]

Whenever you have obsessive scary thoughts express them no matter where you are or whoever is around you and make sure you don't use I feel infront of the scary thought.

When going to a Clothing store stand by one of the workers and ask a question and then ask yourself to repeat the question because you didn't hear it the first time.

Everytime someone treats you bad remind yourself that they got themselves in a bad mood so they could intentionally make you feel bad.

Write everything wrong about yourself on post-its and stick them all over your house and while your at it mail copies to everybody you know.

Every moment your not dissapointed remind yourself you need to increase your expectations.

Everytime you get anxiety, breath very shallow counting by microseconds and telling yourself that its your fault and its only going to get worse.

When you get the first signs of anxiety you should drop anything your doing and run out of any room your in screaming and keep running until you pass out.

I can't think of anymore off the top of my head at the moment but when i do i'll post ya some more.

Mike

LOl Mike, I like the idea of dropping everything at the first sign of anxiety and running out of the place screaming till I pass out! LOL

OH MY GOD THIS IS TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY I LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When we have a good day, say to your self don't worry tomorrow will be worse.

When your neighbors are up early doing there lawn, and wake you up, open the window and yell, don't you know I have anxiety and depression I don't sleep at night, can you please do this at night when i'm awake, it's only 2:00 in the afternoon.

When your having an anxiety attack, don't grab the calming tea, GO FOR A CUP OF EXPRESSO, and say ok MIND BRING IT ON !!!!!

We worry about all kinds of dieases that can happen to use, So why don't we stop smoking ???
It CALMS OR NERVES WE SAY.

oh this is so much fun............I Love it.

thanx VictoriousD

Also instead of doing breathing exercises for a minute when you get anxiety you should insult yourself for a minute.

When someone invites you to a pirate party go dress up like ronald mac donald.

When you catch yourself avoiding something that makes you feel anxious figure out what it is that your getting from it and then remind yourself that its worth that secondary gain

When you feel you have finally cleared your mind, start ODSESSING about everything again !!!!!!! And make sure its right before bed.

OMG!!!! This is hilarious!!!

and you should reserve your worry time and negative self talk to when your doing your relaxation cd.

and cindyv22 is right you should fill yourself with all your negative obsessive thoughts right after the relaxation cd.

make sure everything is planned wrong and there is no possible way to reach your goal sucessfully.

Make sure you mess up in everything you do and if anybody tries to critisize you for it just use your anxiety as an excuse because you know deep down that everybody will understand and will appologize for their critisizum.

Mike

Also make sure you ask everybody thats in the room if its alright that you go use the bathroom.

When your walking down the street and you pass people ask them if your walking the right way.

Everytime you try to figure out what your going to wear you need to ask at least 10 people.

When you get complimented make sure you return it with an insult.

Mike

When you are up all night, shut off all the lights and watch as many scary movies as you wanted to for so long, HEY WERE GONNA BE ANXIOUS ANYWAY, make it worth it.

When your in the middle of your worst panic attack, and you day has been pure hell, Just get in the car and drive.


When your all dizzy and confussed at the holiday table, Just say I'll cut the Turkey, AND USE THE ELECTRIC KNIFE...


this is just to funny i cant stop laughing, i have not laughed like this in so long, come on guys keep it going. they better not deleate this post, Thanks for starting it,,,,,,,,

HAHAHAHA these are hysterical! Thanks I needed a good laugh.

I think I may have one...

When you have a problem with your spouse/significant other...make sure you keep it in and dwell on it turning it into extreme anger. Your spouse/significant other is a mind reader after all, and should know why you are mad at them to begin with!

When you are coming out of the public restroom - located right next to the largest table, centrally located in the most crowded restaraunt - you cough and gag and say, "Sorry folks, I shouldn't have eaten those beans. Next person better bring the lyesol."