I have never in my almost 60 yrs. of life ever SCREAMED at God like I did a while ago. My heart is still pounding. Of course I'm sorry but the thought is still "my God, my God why have you forsaken me?"

Any of you who know me from yrs. past know the lifelong problems I've had with my mother. This woman can pull my trigger more than anyone in the whole world. Anyway I don't think I'll get into the whole thing with her cuz I'd be here all day long typing. Suffice it to say, it's just the same old crap with her that it always is and this time it boils down to me supposedly taking my son's side over something stupid that she should be taking care of with him. Because my son is like me in many ways, I guess that's why he irritates her so.

Anyway as I said I don't need to keep talking about her. I need to talk about how I just SCREAMED and I mean SCREAM at God. I really let him have it and while I was screaming I grabbed a cover for a tote took it while screaming and pounded and pounded my bed with it. My poor dog was so sad. I told him I was sorry but I had to get it out so I shut the door, screamed more and pounded the bed. I kept saying over and over she's a bi*** and I hate her, I wish she was dead. I know, that's terrible, don't tell me. I've never been so angry in my life. I really know it's much more than just this incident. Again I screamed at God and said all kinds of horrible things like why would you give me such a mother, why do you allow children to be abused sexually and physically by their parents. What kind of God of love is that??? I said where are you thru all this and even said and don't tell me you're the same place you were when your son died cuz I don't want to hear it. The whole time I was screaming at God I was feeling horrible for doing it but at least I finally got it out. I asked his forgiveness but all these horrible feelings are still there.

I've been reading the book "The Secret" and ordered the movie. Well, now I feel like I'm not doing very well on putting into practice changing the picture of something bad because I was thanking God for her before. I was thanking him that he makes no mistakes and this is the mother he gave me but today I just feel He's cruel and I don't understand all this. I'm sorry for venting on you people but I really need some help. Can you see that? It should be obvious. I will check here later for advice. Please don't be hard on me for screaming at God. I already feel guilty enough. I might have wondered why God things before but never had all this pent up RAGE at Him. It's like who in the world is that woman anyway.

barbgavon,

It's okay! I think we all can relate to feeling angry with God. I know I've had my share of getting upset with Him and letting Him know about it in writing, talking, and sometimes hollering. Sometimes you just need to get it out. God knows how we feel anyway, so it's not like He's going to be shocked.
I'm sorry about your family problems. I know what that's like. Talking about it helps, especially with people who've been there. Let us know if you need to talk again.

Hi Barb,

Ihave screamed at God - not lately - but many times throughout my life - I was told that God has "big shoulders", and He can handle it. From the time we are children, we are told that God can do all things. I often wonder why I was given the parents that I had - sexually abused and mother was not help. She just looked the other way. Sexual abuse by family members is the hardest, most painful thing to heal from, because it touches you in so many ways. Lack of self esteem - etc.
Don't be so hard on yourself - God understands, as do I.

Gerri L.

Barb,,really, it is okay to be angry..YOU are NOT the first one to 'scream at God"..nor will you be the last!

He understands our hurts and our frustrations! really HE DOES! DO NOT beat yourself up for this. WE are HUMAN..HE IS NOT!!!!!!!! keep reminding yourself of this FACT! Our emotions get the best of us, at times..hence, why we all are here MWC...

I'm terribly sorry that you are going through this..I went through a similar situation this morning. I didn't scream at God, but I cried and raised my voice to my dear sweet husband..thank GOD that he also, is forgiving and let me vent it out anyway..My hubby is truly a gift from GOD!! I love him soooo much

Give yourself a break... journal these frustrations out! write to GOD..and join in on the little online church..

In HIS love
Momof6

barbgavon, It's ok to question why things happen. I had a book recommended to me called "When God doesn't make sense." I honestly haven't purchased it yet but it was recommended to me because I was asking alot of the whys. Honestly, sometimes we may never know the whys of bad things that have happened to us but I do know that God loves us, even when things don't make sense. And whatever kind of hurts and abuse that you have had to endure was not the will of God for you. We live in a evil and corrupt world and sometimes things touch our lives that are painful. Another book I've heard is good is one written by Joyce Meyer. I think it is called "Beauty for Ashes". She was sexually abused as a child and went through alot of emotional healing. My prayers are with you.

I just wanted to support you in agreement with all of the other posters. I have horrible parents, a horrible sister, horrible in-law's, and my son has severe autism so I have screamed at God more than you have, I promise, and after my son's diagnosis, I was scared I had blasphemed one time, and it was very traumatic for me to think that.

I just had a birthday on Saturday, and I know you brought up Facebook in an earlier post. Well, last week, I saw how my sister was friends with my ex-boyfriend who had stalked me on myspace, and how a "good" friend of mine from high school who knew about it was friends with the ex and my sister-who used to pick arguments with me for being friends with that friend because she is a different race. She would start those arguments while I was pregnant and upset me so badly that I don't think it was good for my son, so to see her being friends with her, etc, and not getting any birthday wishes from my family of origin for a milestone birthday was hard. Also, I saw a picture of my niece who is the same age as my son, but doesn't have autism, and I haven't seen her since 2001! Confused yet?

Anyway, my point is that I was blaming God this weekend. I can't believe that so many people from my past and my family treat me the way they do, and they don't even have mercy for the fact that I am raising a child with severe autism. All I can tell you, is that through several devotionals and circumstances this weekend, God kept reassuring me that He is not the one making these people act this way, that He loves me, and that He's here for me in my pain. "When my mother and my father forsake me, the Lord will take me up." Psalm 27. I highly encourage you to read that Psalm which is very good for those of us who feel like orphans because of dysfunctional parents. So, that was the loving answer I got in response to being mad at God, and I know for a fact, He will give you the same answer.

It's going to be O.K.

Take care,
luvpiggy

I want to thank all of you so much for writing. I'm sure glad to know there are other screamers. I went to get groceries and my daughter called. I wanted to talk to her earlier because I knew at one point when my niece was killed she was mad at God. She was defintely not the one to talk to and I'm really sorry I did for both of our sakes. A while back she said when I said my mom is still the little girl always wanting the attention, she commented "Mom, you are the little girl". That came back to me today and maybe it did because I was like a little girl throwing a tantrum at God. He is a BIG God like you all said and can take it because He already knows all things anyway. He brought to mind the scripture"Nothing can ever separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus." Praise God so much for his amazing grace.

Mom of 6 like you I have a wonderful husband. He just called and I told him what happened. He has had his share of both of my parents. They never liked him because he was from up north and really it was because they moved to Milwaukee to get away from a lie. My Dad who I knew all my life was not my bio dad. My bio dad lived here in Waupaca. (Get this, he was the register of deeds at the time of birth of both of my children so my kids have their bio grandfathers signature on the birth certificate).I don't think my kids even realize that. Anyhow my mom was born and raised in the small town of Iola and got engaged and pregnant from my bio dad in Waupaca. Here my husband had the same address that she had growing up. We had problems all our 5 yrs. of dating w/my parents. My husband's parents were wonderful. I believe my father-in-law knew the truth. Many people did. When I confronted my bio dad, we were each going to pay for a blood test so I could know once and for all. This was back in 1995. All those yrs. my parents lied and never told me the truth. Over and over they made me at fault that I wouldn't believe them so I always thought there was something wrong w/me. When I talked to my pastor about the blood test he said, "Barb, you don't need to pay for something you already know in your heart, you just need to accept it." It did make sense so I never did have the blood test. Anyway I'm saying this more to you momof6 because you know Wisconsin and the little towns. Isn't it interesting how God works and how altho living in Milw. I also had a dream to someday live in Waupaca. I then meet my husband on a blind date of all things and end up here. God IS good.

Now my son just called and since this problem with my mom has been about him once again, I just told him all what happened. Now I have a headache from crying crocodile tears once again. He will turn my mourning into dancing.

I do want to clarify something. I was never sexually abused or even physically. It may have come across that way because of me yelling at God about that. I look back at all the screaming and see it almost as a battle between Satan and God. Satan used everything with my mom and blew it way out of proportion as he so often does. So now I can say thank God that never happened to me. I WILL thank God for my mom. God still knows what's best. Maybe it's the guilt that's making her miserable. I don't know what it is, I just know she's a very unhappy person and has been for quite a while.

Luvpiggy, I want to say a BIG thank you for writing. You have gone thru so much and yet your faith has pulled you thru. It does help to know that you too were very mad at God. It's hurtful the things my mom and I have both done to each other. I'm so sorry for all the things you went thru and continue to go thru. I was involved with MWC a couple yrs. ago. You were a friend then and a friend once again. God bless you and keep you in His loving care. Yes, I do know HIS LOVE. When I was in the grocery store he sent a very tall man who is so kind. He's done so much to help us with all the problems in this house and he always seems to be there at the right time to listen. He's like this big angel that pops up at the right time. He told me there was a time he was very angry with God. I just felt so much better hearing that and that I'm not alone.

I want to thank all of you once again. I will be joining in the online church and hope the rest of you will too.

Barb

Hi again,

So sorry - when I read your post I thought that you had been abused. Please disregard my previous response to you.
Gerri L

Barb,

I don't know what all you've been through but Ive screamed and cried out to God- WHY WHY WHY- usually WHY am I still here. The good news is He loves us continually and He loves us more than we can imagine. I don't have answers for a lot of your questions, but I love the 23rd Psalm and your post just reminded me to read it more and that I (we) will make it.
I was once (one particular time) told how self centered I was for crying after a fight with my husband (an in law is not always the best place to go for comfort). She said "You think you're the only one.......who ever has it bad......" Course that's just a nutshell, but I turned on God (again) that night.
I do believe we go through these things for a reason. I want more than anything to be a peer counselor when my child starts school. If He is preparing me to help someone else through these times, it will be worth it. And I ask Him to bless you through your struggles and to lift you up.
I will say Psalm 23 for you now and hope you feel the love- Beverly

Let the Bible show the answer of what God thinks:

"As a father shows mercy to his sons,
Jehovah God has shown mercy to those obeying him.
For he himself well knows the formation of us,
Remembering that we are dust." (Psalms 103:13-14)

"If errors were what you watch, O Jah,
O Jehovah, who could stand?" (Psalms 130:3)

be good!
B

I love Psalm 103.

Thank you for reminded us of that verse.

It is so comforting to us inperfect humans.

Good evening to all!

MJ

This has been a very interesting topic. I love my Lord and know that it has been a while since I was really really mad at God. But I have been. But what was quickened in my heart was
that although it is permitted to be angry, what isn't permitted is anger and sin mingled together Ephesians 4:26 "Be angry, and do Notsin" do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.
I am also reminded that we serve a HOLY HOLY HOLY GOD. Remember Isaiah? Isaiah 6 when he saw the Lord he fell on his face and said I am a man of unclean lips. He was not even able to look up!
So my point? Yes be angry and saddened at the sinfullness of the world, the injustice of brother against brother or Mom and Daughter or Father and Daughter etc etc, but please know that raising a fist at God will not bring the healing of heart and mind and closeness to Him that we all so desire. That has been my experience. When we let the devil fill us with doubt or a sense of entitlement then we get on a slippery slope. We are but dust and we are honored and priveleged to be his children. I hope this makes sense. Love and prayers to us on as we work out or salvation with fear and trembling (reverance)

I read and understand that most of those that have felt or feel mad or ungry to God is because of suffering or injustice of some sort. However the question is: Is really God the one to blaime?

WHY SO MUCH SUFFERING?

Often, the response is that suffering is God’s will and that he long ago determined everything that would ever happen, including tragic events. Many are told that God’s ways are mysterious or that he brings death upon people—even children—so that he can have them in heaven with him. As the Bible proves, Jehovah God never causes what is bad. The Bible says: "Far be it from the true God to act wickedly, and the Almighty to act unjustly!”—Job 34:10.

One of the reasons that you might be blaming God for all the suffering in the world and for what you had gone thru, might be because you think that he is the real ruler of this world. Remember or be known of a simple but important truth that the Bible teaches. The real ruler of this world is Satan the Devil.

The Bible clearly states: “The whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one.” (1 John 5:19) When you think about it, does that not make sense? This world reflects the personality of the invisible spirit creature who is “misleading the entire inhabited earth.” (Revelation 12:9) Satan is hateful, deceptive, and cruel. So the world, under his influence, is full of hatred, deceit, and cruelty. That is one reason why there is so much suffering.

A second reason why there is so much suffering is that, mankind has been imperfect and sinful ever since the rebellion in the garden of Eden. Sinful humans tend to struggle for dominance, and this results in wars, oppression, unjustice and suffering. (Ecclesiastes 4:1; 8:9)

A third reason for suffering is “time and unforeseen occurrence.” (Ecclesiastes 9:11) In a world without Jehovah as a protective Ruler, people may suffer because they happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It is my hope that you will find comfort to know that God does not cause suffering nor he is the one to blaime for what you had gone thru. He is not responsible for the way your family mistreat you, he is not responsable for your frustration nor he is responsable for the wars, the crimes, the oppression, or even the natural disasters that cause people to suffer. Still, you need to know, Why does Jehovah allow all this suffering? If he is the Almighty, he has the power to stop it. Why, then, does he hold back? The loving God that we have come to know must have a good reason.—1 John 4:8. (Let me know if you want the answer)

Again it is my hope that you find comfort reading this.

B

I'm like that right now.

I shake my fist at God rather than pray to God. I even took down everything that had that had Jesus or Christian stuff because I can't even stand the sight of God! I prayed to God to help my family get out of this hell...but what happens? My parents ask me for more money!

If my parents ask again...I'm closing my Savings Account!