I am new to this forum and, I have never tried this before. I was wondering if you are willing to help me or if you know someone who can? I have a very long drawn out story of my life hanging over my head. The people I thought who would be there my entire life aren't anymore and, I feel like they abandoned me.......my parents. I'm twenty two and, I am willing to share my story with you if you will listen. I am married and, I have a eight month old daughter. I fear I am suffering from double depression but, I have not talked to a doctor yet my parents are very very religious and judgmental and, told me God would heal me and, if I didn't believe that I'm not a true christian. I need help I feel like I have put the blame on my husband and, its driving us apart. So if your willing to help or point me in the right direction I would greatly appreciate it! God Bless You!

Hello Lovingmysummer, you are welcome to correspond with me via private message if you prefer. I am here to listen and I'm sure others are too. God loves you very much and does desire you to be whole. Email if you like.

Hi loving - well, your parents are correct that God will heal you, but in His time and everyone's prayers are answered in different ways and on different levels.

For them to say that you aren't a true Christian if you didn't believe it is a horrible thing to threaten you with! I hope you don't lose your faith in an omnipotent creator because of comments like that.

He may heal you by leading you to this program, or may heal you in another way.

There is nothing wrong with seeing a doctor, see a Christian one if it makes you feel better, there are tons of them out there!

You've come to the right place though, I feel God has led me here as well. If it wasn't for this program I don't know what I'd do!

Feel free to PM me anytime.

Loving, I just started the program today...and I am still not to savy on this posting but know that you will be in my prayers... all in gods time my dear...

we are in the potters hands and it will hurt when he is creating a new in us... but know that he loves you just the way you are... the wasy he created you

blessings...

Loving, I am sure God sends people into our lives to help us, as well as the MWC program!!!

Just because you suffer from anxiety or depression does not mean that you are not a Christian!!!

In fact, a lot of the people who do struggle with anxiety and depression are Christians!!!

I suffered with agoraphobia, severe panic attacks accompanied by depression for 21 years of my life and I know that I am a child of God!!!

I took the program around 7 years ago, and I must say that by the Grace of God, that I am no longer agoraphobic, neither do I live my life in fear anymore!!!

God gives people knowledge to help others down this journey in our lives!!!

It is very difficult for our husbands when we are suffering in this manner, because they feel sooooo helpless, which leads to anger...Remember anger hides fear!!! I am sure your husband is fearful because he cannot help you!!!

You are going to be just fine!!! You have soooo much going for you!!! Being a child of the KING is out of this world "AWESOME"

I pray that you do come to realize that people who suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and depression usually need to have coping skills to deal with these things!!!

I pray God Blesses You Beyond Human Understanding on Your Journey to Recovery!!!

Yesterday was interesting..........to say the least but, first off I would like to say thank you all for replying to my post....I never expected such a response from so many women of God.....I truly feel loved and blessed....Yesterday I got a letter in the mail from my Mother and, in it she tried to bring me down but, surprisingly enough God was holding my head above water the entire time.

I felt strange because I have not felt such freedom and, a weight lifted off my shoulders. For over a year and a half now the devil has been torturing me left and right. My Mom tried to make me feel guilty about my life decisions I have made but, that wasn't the letter that caught my eye. A small piece of paper that was folded ever so neatly in the card was.......I wrote my Mother a poem for Mothers day and, it brought back to me how I was feeling when I wrote it.

Literally right when I opened it I got a flashback on just how loved, confident, and beautiful I felt over a year ago. I felt like myself again and, I began to ask God as I read it............is this what you wanted me to see God?.......I almost didn't open the envelope because my parents have changed so much but, she kept this poem and, I know even if I never see her again I spoke my peace.....

so I would like to share with you the poem I wrote as it is so near and dear to my heart and, you all have shared so much with me. Your words of encouragement kept me from bringing up the past........as I was going to write my long drawn out story of my life.......I heard a whisper from God "leave the past in the past, your future is bright so look towards the horizon Amber! Amber means jewel and, you are my daughter your meant to shine.....so shine on daughter!"

I lost my breath for a second but, then he brought these words of encouragement my way to back His words up that much more and, maybe they will help others too.

The poem is titled:

"MOM"

Many memories come to mind as I sit here writing this tonight,

You watched me grow up & you watched me when I would play,

You guided me along the path to get to where I am today,

You imparted your wisdom & tried your hardest to listen to what I had to say,

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, in my mind I have many of you and me,

You always seemed to be on top of your game and, like you could never fail,

You were like an indestructible force as you watched over my bed side,

You held me in your arms with such loving adoration & care,



Those were the simpler years I'm afraid after that it got extremely weary,

Yes it's true they say the teen years are the worst and, those were a bit dreary,

We both said things that unfortunately led to our feelings getting hurt,

I just want to take a moment to say I am sorry for those unnecessary times Mom,

Our story isn't perfect Mom but God's putting our lives back together I see,

Now as I grow older I am beginning to understand how much you truly needed me,

Rather should I say how much we will need each other in the years to come,



Our love for Jesus has made our relationship closer than ever before,

To be honest when I see the past I see a giant closed door,

Like a pathway was blocked is the vision I see,

Now all I see is your loving heart and, a Mom who continually shares generosity,

God has changed your heart and, I couldn't feel more blessed,

To know that there is no doubt you and, I will spend life together for eternity in paradise,

Now that Jesus has opened our eyes we have become each others inspiration,

We have found common ground, on which we both can relate on,



Your testimony is powerful Mom and, I will carry that with me all the days of my life,

I'm taking the time to thank God for you; truly I can't wait to make it back to see you,

If that's Gods plan for me of course is what I say, not laying down any rules or plans in any way,

I never intended for you to feel like this was my way of saying I was running away,

I am learning a lot about myself as the days press on,

Thank you for your continual prayers as it feels like you're by my side all the day long,

Cheering for me to finish my race, this journey I have come upon,

I can tell you I'm listening to the Lords voice and, he is making me strong,

The Lord is lifting me up and making me do things I never dreamed I could,

He is making me step out of my comfort zone oh yes I know this to be true,

I wake up willing to hear His voice as I put on His armor and venture out,

I can only imagine the wondrous things He is revealing to you,



I'm following in Dads & your footsteps & seeking to be the Daughter of God that I am meant to be,

To do the best for the kingdom of God, after all my heavenly father is the king of kings,

He is the reason behind our every action, and any motivation,

He is our comforter & adviser & friend, and He is with us till the end,

I ask Him to place a hedge of protection around you, His name is El Shaddai,

He is ALL POWERFUL, ALL MIGHTY, THE GREAT and HOLY ONE!

I close this envelope & seal it with a kiss & a promise that I never forget you,

You're in my heart all the day through, and as I lay my head down at night too,

I love you Mom, and there is so much more I could say,

But I'll close with this the Lords Blessings upon you and, Happy Mothers Day!



I wrote this over a year and, a half ago before life turned crazy. But I want to remember her just like this without the sin, without the chaos, the women who discovered Christ on her own. So strong, so amazing, so full of life. She will always be that way to me inside.



Thank you for listening the Lords blessings upon you and, have an amazing day! I do plan to seek professional help as the devil may try to bring me down but, with God on my side he doesn't stand a chance of hanging around!


LOVE IN CHRIST,
AMBER

Wow!!! Wow!!! Wow!!! What a beautiful poem you wrote to your mother on Mother's Day!!!

I am sure everything is going to be just fine between you and your mother!!! Everything works for the good of those who Love the Lord!!!

Thank You soooooo much for sharing this beautiful, heart wrenching, and loving poem with all of us!!!

God has HIS hand upon you and you are going to be just fine!!!

Much Love in Christ Jesus!!! God Bless You Sister!!!

thank you bless you my sister!!!!!!!!

Lovingmysummer, I want to thank YOU for sharing that BEAUTIFUL poem with me and others..I teared up so much that I had to refrain from responding for a bit, as my vision was distorted through the tears..what a beautiful writing.

Your Mother is very blessed to have you for a daughter dear Amber..What a sweet thing to do for her.

I DO believe that God wants us to forgive and TRULY Forget..because our posts can be so painful, HE doesn't want us to relive those past hurts. It does take time, but I believe it starts with true forgiveness...

You seem like such a sweet person..I'm sure you will begin to feel great healing here..remember, you were drawn here for a reason..God had it all planned out. I am totally convinced that God drew me to this program, to draw me closer to HIM..All things work out for HIS GLORY!

I can't wait to see you on the little "online church"..you will recieve the PM in a couple days..
God bless you Amber..

IN HIS love
Robin

lovingmysummer....You are sooooo welcome

I like the number 3, since, it makes me think of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit!!

I also love the number 7, since, it is God's number...so, I will also since you 7 smiles...

Have a beautiful day filled with laughter, sunshine and joy!!! God Bless You Sister!!!

Good Afternoon, Lovely, Powerful women of God! I am beyond words as to the response I have received from you lovely ladies. This is absolutely incredible and, the things you all have said will stick with me throughout my life. My heart goes out to all of you, you are my sisters in Christ and, I finally found somewhere I belong. I seriously was going through the days saying to my husband "I can't be the only one who has dealt with this......There has to be one person who can understand my pain.........and, I will find her!" Well I didn't find just her I found tons of stories that are similar to mine but this morning this one sticks out and above in my mind.

I am in shock luvpiggy your story is different from mine, BUT "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" is what I have dealt with since I was a young child. No more than five years old I saw my life was changing for the worst but, I trusted in God thinking it would get better. I think I should start from the beginning and, maybe you ladies will understand why this story that luvpiggy just shared is so near and dear to my heart. I don't know how you knew to say the things you did sweetheart but, I can NOT thank you enough! This is my story:


My parents met in a church in Washington State and, my Dad was stepping in as an usher and, my Mother was playing the piano at the front of the church. When I heard this growing up I thought, how wonderful they met in a church and, I would give anything to meet my future spouse this way. These are the things going through a five year old's mind. But even being five years old and, hearing this story time and time again there was a darkness from the beginning that was being hidden. A false prophecy if that makes sense. I never understood why I felt this way. My Father saw my Mother and immediately thought this is the woman he was supposed to marry.

My Grandma on my moms side has now told me almost 22 years later that back then they were going to call off the wedding because, my Dad was being so controlling to my Mother. Telling her how she should worship and, that she has a long ways to go to be part of Gods house. I was in shock that no one had ever told me this as this would have put my heart at rest as to why my life was so rocky....... But, now I know the truth. My Grandma tells me that the wedding continued because my Grandma insisted they still marry. So on the 21st of December they said their vows. Not knowing just how bad of a decision they were making being "unequally yolked."

My mother grew up in the church and, she was what was considered to my father as a "luke warm" christian. A baptist who only went to church on Sundays and, this would not stand. If he didn't have fellowship with her a fight would occur. A discussion as he puts it with his choice of words and, my mother was very meek even before I was born and, would just listen never standing up for herself.

Well on September 29, 1987 I was brought into this world almost a year after their marriage. They named me Amber because they said I was their jewel in the dark world. My Father worked and my mother kept house. We seemed like the perfect little Christian family my Mom teaching me bible verses, songs, and the wonderful art of praying. I grew up listening to Judy Rogers. My grandma would sing Songs with me like go to the ant, and Isabelle is a pig, those cute songs I'm sure some of you grew up with or taught to your children. I loved spending those times with Grandma and Grandpa but, then something happened and, my parents decided to move away from my grandparents because my Dad didn't want them influencing my Mother. He never thought her parents were anything but "luke warm" Christians too.

To make a long story short my childhood was pleasant until I turned five and, then they had their first big argument. My mother grabbed me and, was driving away for good but, she said the spirit of God came over her and told her to return to her husband. This was only the beginning or arguments I watched and, listened to. My parents tried to work everything out and, my Mother said she would never leave him again. I was very confused being that young and, all but had heard some very colorful words directed at my Mother.

When I was growing up with my parents we moved to over five states over a course of twenty or so years. We lived in over 40 different locations.....I know it's more than that but, I didn't keep track it was heart wrenching to move each time. In 1995 my mother had an ectopic pregnancy. In 1999 she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy born with Trisomy 18. Benjamin was the miracle they thought that would save their marriage. After all having only one child was never enough for them. I was never enough to make them happy they would say I would understand when I got older.

to be continued......sorry lol baby fussy.........

Wow!!! What a story!!! I can barely wait to hear the ending of this story of your life lovingsummer!!!

I thank you sooooo much for sharing all of these things with each of us!!! God Bless You Dearly is My Prayer for you!!!

summer what a story. you know we have some things in common. I think alot of us here have some self worth issues. I could never quite please my mom and she always favored my brother over me. my mom is in heaven now.
the psychologist says that she had treated me badly in many ways, but loved me in others. I have alot of problem thinking "I'm good enough" and that I can do things myself. I think the Lord wants us to find our value in His Love for us. I'll be praying for you summer. we all need to know how much Jesus loves us and that He wants us to have that abundant life and fullness of JOY.

OH WOW I'm kind of in shock because I clicked post now and, I had literally fifteen pages typed and I can't find them........ahhh lol.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnAIgyPVxew&NR=1