How about this session, huh???? Goodness, I've listened to the session cd and I have read 3 or 4 pages in the homework, this is something!! Anyone else working on session 12?

I have analysis paralysis!!! I analyze a task or situation so much, it begins to appear complicated. Well, if it's complicated, I am not going to even attempt doing it, I may fail and I cannot handle failure. If I fail I will feel anxious and if I feel anxious.....hmmmmm.....What a nasty trick to play on myself!!

I'm an over-analyzer and worrier myself. After over-analyzing this session, I figured out my seconday gains (I think)...I don't believe (subconciously) that I can be truly happy, so I hang on to the anxiety and worry as a means to protect myself against the worst. When I think back, I often have anxiety at times when things are going well...so that makes sense, I guess. It's kind of weird to think that we hold on to this, I guess it takes awhile to reverse years of anxious thinking...

I know what you mean about hanging on to uncomfortable feelings to protect myself, but, I am tired of being sick and tired of the payoffs that I get.

Today I caught myself going into auto pilot in a situation that I've dealt with for most of my life. I cried and started feeling sorry for myself. I sat like that for about 15 minutes then decided to journal. Putting that pen to paper did wonders for me. I still feel bad, but, I reminded myself that I do not have to let this turn into obsessive thinking by not allowing myself to feel these emotions. I told myself (in journal) that it's ok to feel this pain and that anyone in this situation would feel this way, but, I after I have felt it that I can also let it go. Anyway, rambling now pinkee

This will be the last day on session 12 for me. I realized today just how afraid I am to feel any kind of uncomfortable emotion, like it will stay with me forever.

I have been doing well with working in my limitations but have decided to step it up a bit.

Tomorrow I will go to a parade with my kids. I will be there the entire day. Wish me luck!

I decided to go about life as if I do not have anxiety and depression. I realized this morning that I am still living like a person that suffers.

I went about my day today like I had no fears, although I did, I did not stop. I reminded myself that I can do it even though my anxiety is there. I decided that if I am going to be anxious anyway, I may as well be anxious while trying to find things that I enjoy.

I went out walking, went shopping, made plans to be out of the house for the day tomorrow with family and friends, I have decided to fake it til I make it, pinkee