I've listened to session 3 about 4 times.. and I am still struggling with negative thinking and letting it take over my whole thought process..

I know it takes practice but I am having a difficult time differentiating if I am the problem or is THE BOYFRIEND the problem..



I moved away for art school a little over a month ago.. I left my family, friends, and "him"
I just got to the point where I am not crying over homesickness but instead I am crying and obsessing about my boyfriend back home.. (I've been struggling to sleep and I've been staying up till 4 or 5 in the morning when I have early classes.. It's been awkward at work and school because I don't feel like myself and i don't want to socialize.. I feel stuck in these spacey uncomfortable feelings where I feel like i'm going to cry but I'm not.. and i feel like my heart is under a ton of bricks.. just painful heartache)



we've been dating for a very rough 4 years.. Our good times were great beautiful fun genuine.. and our bad times were horrific!

I did not want a long distance relationship because back home the anxiety that came from our relationship was through the roof.. but I also had him to run to as that supposed safe person.. he was part of the cause and the cure..

He convinced me to stay with him because he loves me and we can work through this.. and since i cannot see or hug or kiss him I only asked that he calls me.. which he does.. but our conversations are brief and we argue constantly.. and maybe once or twice a week we'll get it right and not argue and we'll talk like best friends..

OR he won't call and my head fills with negative thinking.. "Is he out drunk hanging out with his one dirtbag friend?" "Is he at the strip club again?" "Is he in another drunken wreck?" "is he with another girl?"

I'll ask him why he didn't call the night before.. and he'll say his phone died.. when ALL of his friends have cell phones and he has a house phone.. I just don't get it..

He did have a history of lying to me.. and I am trying to stay in good faith because he tells me he's been a good guy.. and promised never to lie to me again.. I want to follow my good feelings.. but since our conversations are so short and the fact that he doesn't call makes it painful to hold on to everything we've worked for..

I feel like he/we are worth every ounce of energy I can give.. but I just feel so drained..



Pretty Please Advice would be greatly appreciated

Hi. I'm so sorry that you're having a hard time. You said that you've worked hard for this relationship. You don't have to work hard in a good relationship. This guy sounds like a terrible boyfriend to me. He lies to you. He cheats on you. He hangs out in strip clubs, and it sounds like you hate the fact that he does that, he doesn't sound like he respects you but you're crying for him. You argue most of the time or only talk briefly, except on occasions when he wants to act like your friend. Stop crying over this guy. You don't know it yet, but you can do better and you will. Keep doing the program because you will need it with this guy.

Hi:
I agree with DEEDEe above.
Don't spend time even thinking of this guy.
Instead work the program.
In time you will meet someone who deserves you.
This guy does not.
Put him out of your mind as quickly as you can.
Think of yourself.
Just get better for now.
Best of luck.
Mary Jane

Thank you so much for the advice.. It's been real rough.. Love (or something that feels like it) can make people think the wrong things and I've tried to see the good in this situation but I'm so drained from all my worrying..

I hope I turn this situation around real soon and stop using all my energy for these bad emotions..

I appreciate your words, thank you again

i tottaly agree with deedee ,she said it all. from the sounds of it your a nice gurl you kan do better ,im in your same shoes , but you just gota learn 2let go!