I feel worse since I started session 3. I binge more and have a hard time sleeping. I think that it's because this is all so new.

I have been like this since I was 3. I used to have nightmares every night when I was younger. I worried about what I would do if my dad died at 5. I was terrified that, if I fell asleep, the monsters would climb up my blankets and get me. I always slept with my back to the wall. I had anxiety going to school and I would isolate from others in Kindergarten. I have always felt different than others. I have always been teased and found myself trying to figure out my role in what happened.

I obssess all the time and I worry constantly. I knew before the program that I do this to myself, but I didn't know how to stop. I'm so scared that this won't work and I have so much going on. I have to write an essay for college, I just started music lessons, and I'm studying for the ACT's. I want to feel better more than anything.

Any positive words would be much appreciated.

Krissy

Hi Krissy, I have also been a worry wart all my life. I have learned to laugh at my self ( most of the time ) or else I go into that What If mode. And then the bad vibes just escalate. Keep telling yourself that what ever is bothering you won't happen and learn to Believe IT. You can and will do well! Remember you can do anything!

Those sound like some pretty serious obsessive scary thoughts. From what I remember, those are usually just our subconscious mind's way of distracting us from the REAL stressors in our lives - whatever they may be. Any idea what that might be for you?

It sounds like you need the program NOW more than ever. As Lucinda says (repeatedly) in the program, if you wait until you are "ready", then you will probably never go through with the program. This also took a while for me to digest. I was going through a nasty divorce, and for the longest time had decided that I needed to wait until I was through the divorce before I could deal with the program. As Lucinda says, that's really putting the cart before the horse. The program is the road to a better life - not the other way around. All I can say is - just do it! All you really have to do is allow it to work, and it will.

Good luck, and take care.

John

My mom died when I was 5... I completely understand what you said. I used to be afraid of her picture when I was little. My mind or subconscious blocked out a lot of my childhood memories, but I have had very similar problems to yours. The program has helped me somewhat, but it's a slow process for me. I'm still afraid to fly/go to dentist... I think it's partly a matter of being patient with yourself & accepting who we are/what's happened in our lives. I never cried about my mother's death/mourned until I was over 40 years old. I don't know why... I hope the best for you & don't be so hard on yourself. Try to enjoy something beautiful each day; to appreciate something good about you life each day. Don't give up.

Yes I dealt w/ binging and then not eating for a while. I still have the urges. For me they come when I am really depressed. Binging for me was a way to make myself feel better, almost like self-medicating myself, but it only lasts for a very short time then I would feel guilty and fat afterwards. I still struggle. When the urges come I have to fight back w/ logic. Like, "If I do this it won't help anything. I will only regret what I've done afterwards. This is not going to solve any problems, it will only make my sleep, body, and mind more anxious and make me less able to sleep." I am a christian as well and find that I have to combat it w/ the Word and prayer as well, so if you can do that as well or try fighting back w/ logic.

I understand how you feel, actually I began to peak in session three with regards to feeling good consistently. However, it was nagging me that I wasn't journaling and actually this evening I kind of went down again as a result of having negative thoughts which have led to anxious feelings. I believe that this is a process, a journey. I also know that tonight I have the skills to whether any sort of anxiety that I might feel...I know that it will pass. This is something that I never knew how to tell myself. You can do this as well; start believing that you will feel better.
Also I started journaling tonight, almost two weeks into session three, which I feel positive about. For every little triumph you have over this thing please pat yourself on the back, you deserve it!
As for school, you have a lot going on, that means you are a motivated person, good for you. I’m taking two classes this semester and I feel stressed about that because it is time consuming and a great deal of work. But after these two courses are over, I will finally have my hard earned degree.
Be well and good luck with your ACT’s!