HI! I AM NEW TO THE FORUM BUT NOT NEW TO THE MIDWEST PROGRAM. I PURCHASED THE PROGRAM EIGHT YEARS AGO AFTER 3 YEARS OF ANTI-DEPRESSANTS. I DID OK ON THE PILLS BUT STILL HAD SOME PANIC ATTACKS AND AVOIDANCE BEHAVIOR. I HAD TWO LITTLE ONES AT THE TIME AND IT JUST MADE IT EASIER. I JUST GOT TIRED OF BEING ON THE MEDS. SO I FOUND THE PROGRAM AND FINISHED IT. I DID SO WELL FOR EIGHT WHOLE YEARS. BUT THIS CHRISTMAS I WAS A LITTLE STRESSED NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY AND ONE DAY I JUST WOKE UP TO THAT UNEASY SOMETHINGS BOTHERING ME FEELING. AS IT HUNG ON I BEGAN WITH THE OBSESSIVE THINKING AND FEELING REAL DOWN. I WAS GLAD THE PANIC DIDNT COME BACK, BUT A COUPLE WEEKS INTO IT THEY DID. I HAVE BEEN CONTROLLING THEM BUT I AM SO DOWN ABOUT IT. HAS ANYONE ELSE HAD TO START OVER. I AM HAVING A HARD TIME DOING IT. I WILL LISTEN TO MY RELAXATION TAPE ONE DAY AND NOT THE NEXT. ANY ADVISE? FREINDS AND FAMILY KEEP SAYING "GO BACK ON THE MEDS" I REALLY DONT WANT TO. BUT IF MY BRAIN IS OUT OF WACK CHEMICLY MAYBE I SHOULD. I JUST DONT KNOW. HELP IF YOU CAN. THANKS

Hi LC. Don't be too hard on yourself. I've had a couple of set backs/growth spurts and what I found was that I never really had to "start over." I remember being so afraid that I would end up back at square one and have to do everything all over again. But I didn't. And you won't either. I would imagine that having this happen to you after eight years would be a bit frightening. Try to keep things in perspective. And most importantly, be good to yourself. And by that, I include taking care of yourself, i.e., listen to that relaxation tape, allow yourself to enjoy the experience, go back and listen to the tapes and be proud of yourself for learning something you had missed the first time around, and make your health a number on priority. Instead of seeing a second jaunt through the program as a chore, look at it as a new learning opportunity. I think you will find that you will remember some of the skills that you have since forgotten and be amazed at how much they help.

The only other wisdom I can share is this -- growth spurts really do make you stronger. I remember hearing something like that on the tapes and thinking, "yeah -- right!" But it really is true. You will come out on the other side of this and feel much better about yourself. Keep checking in to the forum and let the group here provide some positive feedback. Take care!

hi mountaingirl! thanks so much for responding. you helped me look at this differently. i sure was looking at it as a chore and now i realize that i probably will learn a new thing or two. its so nice to have this outlet so i dont have to bother my family with this all the time. im a talker and when i start feeling really bad a bury them with conversation and i know they get sick of my insecurities. maybe not, im also a very guilt ridden person. owell i am what i am. anyway i will begin again today and i do appreciate your kind words. thanks again. LC

I have been exactly where you are right now. I too have had several growth spurts along the way. I went for 5 years without a growth spurt and was completely med free. Then two years ago I started into a wave a anxiety and panic again. I did everything in the program but I seemed to be getting nowhere. So I decided to try some medication and it helped me to get back on track. After a year I was off the medication and panic free again. However, don't make the mistake that I made. As soon as the medication kicked in I stopped going through the program. Big mistake. Because two years later its back. Now I am back on the medication and doing it right this time. Another mistake that I made was beat myself up about being sick again. Boy did I beat myself up about that one. That only makes it worse. Then I was mad at myself for having to take the medication. Each time I go through the growth spurt I get a little farther in getting better. Its like I can only take so much and then God gives me a break but then He says okay its time to start learning something new again. Don't be so hard on yourself. WE all want to be well and not have to deal with this stuff but the more we resist and hold onto the past, the more stuck we get. Also, although, I tend to say to myself--here we go again. YOu know what? EAch successive growth spurt is handled so much better than the one before. And I am getting better so much faster this time than the one before. So you really do have to look at in a positive light. Take care! YOu'll get past it!

I've had to start over twice & I know it's not easy. I heard this "rain barrel" theory once in decribing panic relapses: Our stress level can be thought of like water in a rain barrel. When water in a rain barrel gets too high it will overflow and spill out. That is like our stress levels, after so long and if your not careful to deal with stress effectively it will overflow & manifest itself in panic-like symptoms. You started feeling icky around the holidays, what is more stressful than that? People with no history of panic attacks WILL have panic attacks over the holidays! Now your worried about your set-back & that's causing more stress...etc. Just know that you can get through this, after all you are experienced with this and have conquered it before. Do whatever it takes. Read some self-help books, eat right, take vitamines, exercise, positive self talk (ALL THE TIME, EVEN IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT!) meditate, take a long walk, learn something new, get enough sleep, start your spring cleaning now..etc. Taking meds is your decision. If you feel taking meds will help then do it. I don't believe you are admitting defeat just because you need extra help or relief right now. I took xanax on my last set-back & when I got to feeling better I weaned myself off & now I'm fine. Remember that it's just a set-back & it will pass.

HI! THANKS FOR ALL THE GREAT ADVISE AND SUPPORTIVE TALK. ITS SO WEIRD THE THINGS YOU ALL TALK ABOUT AND SAY, ITS LIKE YOU REALLY KNOW ME. I RELATE TO IT ALL. I HAVE REALLY BEEN TRYING TO DO THINGS RIGHT AND I AM DAY BY DAY FEELING A BIT BETTER. I NEVER KNOW THO. ONE DAY I FEEL GREAT THE NEXT DAY IM CRYING ALL DAY. TODAY IS WED. AND THE THIRD DAY OF FEELING OK. NOT PERFECT BUT OK. I STARTED PLAYING SOCCER ON AN OVER 30 WOMANS TEAM AND IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER LIKE IM NORMAL AGAIN. ITS SO HARD. I FEAR I WILL PASS THESE BEHAVIORS ON TO MY GIRLS. I KNOW ITS HEREDITARY. I WONDER IF ITS LEARNED ALSO. I TRY TO HIDE IT FROM THEM BUT THEY HEAR ME TALKING TO MY HUSBAND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. HERES HOPING THEY DONT CATCH ON TO THIS STUPID BEHAVIOR. ANYWAY IM RAMBLING, THANKS SO MUCH AGAIN FOR ALL YOUR NICE WORDS. LC