Its been a long time since I have had an episode, and m feeling very insecure & scarred, but deep down inside I know it will pass as it always has. (deep down I know this) I have been telling myself that its been some time since I have had to deal with these feelings & my coping skills are needing some refreshing for sure.

I have had anxiety on/off for 19 years now. Thank God I have more good years than bad & throughout the years have had many Anxiety producing thoughts or themes that have caused me Anxiety, but lately its always the same theme, & thats what scarres me most.

It ususlly starts this time of years mostly when nothing much going on in my life & am sliding into a bit of a rutt type feeling. I have been married for 24 years to my husband that I still love very much. We have no children & that has been the most difficult part of our married lives,as we have undergone years of feritility treatments that 3 years ago ended in 3 miscarrages for us. It was very hard time,but moved past it & have taken some beautiful vacations & kept busy with gardening other things.

My fear is about my marriage, about losing the one I love so much. I have been having thoughts about other men, & enjoying the fantasy. Im a bubbly type personality & love to joke aournd and such, but find myself scarred of enjoying a compliment from men or even look & admitt I feel attracted to other men in fear that It might mean Im not happy with my husband! I love my husband so much, I dont understnad how can I have these feelings. I get so "STUCK" in between these thoughts that I fall trapped into this theme of thinking over & over, and over, until it scarres me to panick! Im crying as I type this, as I love my husband dearly & cant imagine my life without him & am so scarred of losing him. (that is my worst fear) So why am I having these thoughts? I have got myself out of this theme before as I had seen my therapist who relaxed me once with saying it is very normal to enjoy a compiiment or fanatsize about other men as our sexualtiy never stops even after we are married, & its ok to find other men attractive. Your not acting on it, its only a thoguth. It doesnt mean there is something wrong with your marriage.

Well, I have used my therapist positive thought & have come out of this a few times sucussfully "thank God". But it continues to be a sensative theme for me, & even though I might not be in an Anxiety State for awhile, I have a few avoidances now from it, problems losing weight becuase I dont want any attention or compliments. As soon as I engage in harmless joking & laughter with the opposite sex, shortly afterwards I feel maybe they are attracted to me. ( I know its absolute rediculous thinking!) And I KNOW I would NEVER LEAVE him for anyone ( I know this, but my mind still plays on "what if" type doubt) I know everyone has their themes & mine may seem silly compared to others, but non the less still very scarry!

I have even had such overwhelmed guilt of having been thoughts that I have even confessed them to my husband. My husband is a wonderful caring & understanding with my Anxiety Dissorder that he even reassures me that these are only thoughts honey, we all have them, but its your Anxiety that is making you feel scarred to the point of talking about them. (tears) here again, what a wonderful man I have.


Any "positive support" would be appreaciated!

Thank you for being here, I feel much better even just sharing this with you.

Judy

"going through" tough periods of time, be that a few minutes, a few hours, a few days, whatever; there's a depth to the loneliness and confusion that never seems to completely go away for me. although i have improved over the last couple of years (by the grace of God and an amazing therapist), its the "going through" those times that, well, they just plain suck.

Thank you for responding. Its true going through it is the hard part & it really does Suck! Its been up & down all week for me. Anxiety, then depression because of the Anxiety. What a team they are! Im trying to "float with it" & not letting it be so important. ( of course easier said than done), but it takes time as I know from many past experiences. I trust in God & this programme I know I will get through....

Thank you again for your kind words.

Judy

It sounds like you are doing a great job with handling your axiety. Just hang in there. Sounds like youve got a great husband that loves ou very much. By the way you are not the only one that has wondering thoughts. We are only human.