Lately I have been trying my hardest to be assertive, but I feel so much guilt afterward. I have a hard time with letting other people cause me to have anxiety. They are the ones being mean or being rude. Why do I feel the guilt they should feel? My guilt and worry is a result of my assertiveness. Do you guys think this is a growth spurt? I am having a awful time with assertiveness, but i am doing it.

Hi jen-If one has done nothing wrong to hurt someone there is no reason to feel guilty and just because you are standing up for you is no reason to feel guilty. We choose guilt-Are you using the shouldy approach-if you should on someone else that produces anger and frustration and if you should on yourself that produces anger and guilt. There are many people in this world who use guilt to manipualte others and basically it is a way of life for them so get rid of the guilt and be proud of yourself for becoming more assertive and the more you practice it is going to get easier. I have been down that road so I do understand and those of us with an anxiety disorder are very sesitive people which is a wonderful trait when used in the right context. My first experience at speaking up I was vibrating and the anxiety level way over the top and now it is so much easier as we all have a right to express our feelings. Take Care Timber

Thank you timber. You are right. I am going to confront a friend about taking my stuff today. I keep reminding myself that i didn't do anything wrong and if anyone should feel guilty it should be her if she did take my stuff intentionally.