Hey all,

I haven't been on the forum in awhile because I've been out living my life for the last 7 months recovered. It's been fantastic until last week when I started to obsess about death, afterlife, and the purpose of everything we do as human beings. As you can imagine, the thoughts are extremely daunting and accompanied by labored breathing or devastating sorrow. I am writing because I just need to feel support from others who have experienced growth spurts and made it through them without getting swallowed by the feeling that chronic anxiety is returning in the form it took before recovery. I just don't believe that's true since I now have all of these skills, but I'd like some confirmation from others that I will climb out of this mini hole I've stumbled into. Thanks!

Remember,
Analysis = Paralysis
You, like most of us, are a deeply sensitive person and your thoughts are spiraling inward leaving you feeling depressed and helpless. It is an illusion. You have slipped off coarse from your healthier train of thoughts. Use your skills and gently guide yourself back. Life is about the journey, not the destination. Come back to the precious present moment and offer yourself some compassion. Dont even label this as a setback - let go and refocus. I know it is difficult, I am on this forum for a reason! Dont give up - get your perspective back and relax. "Its just anxiety!"
Rachel

Rachel--

Thank you those kind words and for helping me realize I have merely gotten off course, not gotten set back. Life, like you said, is definitely a process and not the destination. It's just so crazy what anxiety can do to a person's thoughts. Despite the person knowing a lot of the thoughts aren't true or even that they are irrational, they seem to swallow a person until the person can get solid footing again. Luckily, I didn't slip anywhere, I just wandered off and my body in the form of labored breathing and nervous stomach reminded me what wandering feels like. You are so right, "It's just anxiety." The idea that it is just thoughts is really freeing.... thanks for reminding me!

I am so grateful for this forum. It is an answer to my prayers! I have been doing so well for years but now am going through a painful growth spurt. I began those old feelings: will I ever be free?! I get so sad and yet now that I've calmed down a bit I've been able to focus and see that my life was out of control and I wasn't using the skills that I know work. You all give me courage to "hang in there". God bless you!

Growth Spurts are all part of the process. I think anyone who has been on the recovery journey for any length of time has experienced what you are going through. It will probably happen again too, because that's how we grow and learn. It is so tempting, sometimes, when we are feeling good to analyze the thinking patterns that we use to have, which can trigger memories. Unfortunately, that can temporarily get us off track again and bring up old thinking habits and feelings. The more we learn not to chase down the thoughts that trigger the memories, the less we will experience old symptoms. What helps me when I experience old memories is that I just remind myself that was the old me, and that is not who I am anymore. Sometimes I have to repeat it several times before it takes root, but it always does.

The most important thing to remember is that once you've learn that anxiety is all an illusion and a lie, you can never completely forget it ever again...Kinda like when you were a kid, and you finally discovered there really weren't monsters in your closet or under your bed. Sometimes you could freak yourself out, but you knew inside it was just your imagination. Anxiety is just our imagination gone wild and we just need to tame it and use it to our advantage.

Peace
K