Hey folks!

A quick summary to put things in perspective.

I started having panic attacks when I was about 5 years old, escalating to several times a day by the time I was in high school. After a bit of a lull in college, the anxiety stuff reared its head again when I was in grad school, big time... to the extent where I was nauseous most of the day, had multiple attacks, and lost 65 lb. in 3 months. Whee.

Since going through the program I've gotten my Masters, moved head-first into a career I love, moved across several states in the process, got my driver's license, bought a car, and had more small but significant triumphs than I can count. Life is definitely good.

A few months ago I lost my cat of 19 years, who I'd had since I was 10 years old... and was sympathetic company for me through some of my worst times. She was old, and it was time, and I handled myself admirably in making the decision, taking her to the vet, and accepting the emotional aftermath.

Two weeks ago, I got a puppy. She's sweet, adorable, and loving. I know it was the right choice. But suddenly, this pup is evoking some pretty powerful anxiety reactions - the rising panic, the need to flee... sometimes, when she's napping next to my chair it's all I can do to not jerk away and leave the room.

I'd really like to enjoy her, to get to know her... to begin to forge another bond of companionship. But it's been two weeks and the anxiety I've linked to her is still there. I suppose it's something as simple as being afraid to attach and then go through the loss, again, but for now I'm not managing to wheedle the feeling apart and disarm it.

Suggestions? Advice?

Thanks!

Waystone

Hi Waystone! As I read your post, I was wondering if the anxiety feelings weren't also tied to the added responsibility of a puppy. Pups require a greater investment of time and patience than a kitten or adult cat. I have two dogs and I remember going through bouts of anxiety with each. I loved them dearly but really questioned if I could handle the housebreaking, training, and the demands for attention that come along with puppies.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your 19 year old cat. I would imagine that the grief is playing some part in the anxiety. I had another dog (Callie) prior to the two I have now and I remember how I felt when she died. Then when I got Baylee (the oldest of my two) I remember feeling a bit guilty -- like I shouldn't get another dog and love it as much as I loved Callie. Its truly amazing how many emotions we can experience when doing something that is truly wonderful.

Its so great to hear that you are doing well. Congratulations on finishing your Masters degree and moving forward in your career. Life IS good!

Wishing you many hours of soothing ear rubs, romps outside, and games of fetch with your new pup. Enjoy that puppy breath while you can -- its will disappear soon!! And remember to be good to yourself.

Hi Waystone~

I am truly sorry about the loss of your cat. As I read your post and mountaingirl's reply, which I agree with, I thought of something to add. My animals are my kids so the feelings run very deep. So from this perspective I was thinking that maybe you feel guilty about loving another kid(puppy!)because the new feelings would disolve the old feelings and memories of your cat. This is all on a sub-conscious level because in reality we now that we have enough love to go around and that nothing can take away our memories, not even new memeories.

Take care-Silvana