Hi Everyone-Well 2 years out of the program and I hit a growth spurt. Since loosing a lot of people I loved to death was what pushed me over the edge. Well now that I have been out of program for 2 years and also going threw Paxil withdrawal as I am one those 20% who is still feeling the effects at times once again we had a death in the family, Iknew it was one of my stressors and I had to be good to me but I could not cry. My sadness came and went and a few days ago I noticed the back of my neck feeling tight and I thought Ok I am storing my tension. Well tonite the spacey head hit big time with nausea and my body was literally vibrating and it scared me but I did not feed in to the internal anxiety mode instead I phoned my dear friend and she talked to me while I drank my water and got some food in to my tummy as it was all very draining. Now some of these symptoms can be Paxil withdrawal as that can continue for up to 2 years and also there is no doubt I am having a growth spurt. What is interesting about this is that I had a similar reaction to another family death in July but not quite as severe.Aside from all of this I am doing great and getting on with my life. I just wanted to share this stuff re growth spurts to say that you can never go back to where you once were and yes I was doing my breathing tonite as I was at that fork in the road.And just to add fuel to everything death was one of my obsessive thinking modes and I did fine with that part so all in all we never stop learning about ourselves. So now I am off for some much needed sleep and lots of pampering in the days to come. Take Care all. Timber

Hi Timber,

Well done for having achieved so much.

My last panic attack was just a year ago but I am left with residual anxiety about being trapped, being alone for long periods and 'going mad'. That was all in response to 14 deaths in a year including 2 Dads.

I completed the programme 6 months ago and am doing great but my partner is about to whizz off to Australia for 2 weeks and that's sent my anxiety way high.

He's always said that where ever I may be for work , if I needed him he'd come and get me. I never have needed to even phone him but I suddenly feel that I need an unconditional life line .
As soon as he booked his tickets - which I encouraged him to do- I've been sending back to his appt for odd nights so I get used to being alone 24/7 which have all been fine !!

My friends are being wonderful and I really do know all will be well but ...... I'm so scared that I may freak out and undo all the good work to date, whilst he's away.

I know that I'm my own safe person and I'm in control but it feels very scary, exposed and isolated suddenly.

Anyone got any tips or hints ?

Timber,
What you shared is very encouraging. No going back. Just some major dips in the road and you seem to be still on track! Awesome! Gosh, some of the stuff we have to deal with! Death is the big scarey one for us all.

The Paxil withdraw over a 2 year period surprized me. What kind of withdraw symptoms? That seems so bizzare. I work with an orthomolecular nutritionist (treats with food, vits and amino acids) and I asked him awhile back about Paxil. He said that Paxil will elliviate some symptoms, but cause others. It will increase your aspartic acid level the more you take it. Aspartic acid is our "anger" chemical....too much of it can make us really snappy, frustrated easily and impatient. Chicken has alot of aspartic acid in it. So do potatoes,celery. Maybe staying away from these foods awhile might help. Maybe the aspartic level is still high for you. Just a thought.

But in spite of all your still dealing with.....you seem to be doing great. And that is WONDERFUL!!!!!! Keep going.

Blessings,
Peaches

Timber,

It was a family death along with other factors such as moving across country, buying a house, new jobs, schools, etc....that began my panic cycle back two years ago.

Losing people you love is very difficult. Just the idea that death and having no control over it is scary.

Be good to yourself by allowing yourself to feel your feelings and experience your emotions. Give yourself extra time to exercise, journal and of couse, SLEEP!

BE KIND- REWIND. Go back to your skills and the tapes if you need to.

Thanks everyone for your replies!!!! What I am finding in this growth spurt as well that I need to go back and look at my expectations as well so I am considering all this as a learning experience. We go along and do just great and then boom but the way I got it figured is that I am just going to learn more about me. So lots of positive self talk and there is no such thing as failure, only a chance to learn and grow. I was totally caught off guard and when I looked at the last couple of months I could see the pattern. Peaches there are about 20% of people who take Paxil have a very difficult time in getting off it. I discovered this at my first attempt and I thought I was not getting all those wonderful skills and perhaps I did have the chemical imbalance so I had to go back on it and after much research I realized that I had weaned off too fast and I had to go back on it to stabilize and then wean again over a 7 month period which I did. The withdrawal symptoms mimic the body reactions one went on it for and there are also class action suits against the makers of Paxil and there are also Doctors who do not believe this. I have a Doctor who believes it. There are things like brain zaps, anxiety , panic, irritability, mood swings etc. Lucindas program has helped me to deal with all this stuff. When I say 2 years that is based on experience from other people who have been there. There is a site I go to PaxilProgress.org which was started by a guy who went threw it all and the site has a great support forum.So basically put I feel I was in a growth spurt as well as Paxil withdrawal and I am now 4 months Paxil free and do not take any meds either for anxiety. There is no doubt in my mind that without Lucindas program I would still be on meds. Radar you will not undue all the good work as you have learned too much to ever go back, sure we may feel like we are regressing but the skills we have learned start to kick in as we now know there is a better way to think and deal with life. Sunset I so understand and I am just being good to me, listening to my expectation tape and the tape re stress and positive self talk and sleep and just refocusing. Thanks again for caring everyone!!!!!! Timber

Hi Timber, I just wanted to comment on the Paxil withdrawal. I was on Celexa for 3 years and prior to that Paxil and Prozac in succession for 4 years. I weaned myself off from January through March of this year. Talk about a nightmare! Two months after my last dose I went into such a terrible depression (which is actually not the original depression returning, but rebound effects of your brain and body trying to readjust after taking these meds)far worse than what prompted me to go on medicine in the first place. This was accompanied by awful physical symptoms as well. I would get these bouts of dizziness that lasted for weeks at a time, only to be told it 'shouldn't be from withdrawal', especially since I have been completely off meds for 6 months!I have done exstensive research on these meds and have found a lot of people out there suffering like I am. You are so fortunate to have a doctor who believes this can happen because most doctors do not seem to want to recognize this. So, because my good old family doc, who I actually like a lot, was reluctant to accept this as withdrawal syndrome, I had a complete blood work up, an ENG and an MRI of the brain and sinuses and ALL these tests came back normal! With the help of God, this program and a good support system, I have made it through the worst of the depression. Sometimes it is two steps forward and one back, but at least it is forward! Anyway, I could go on and on, but I am sure I have said enough! Take care of yourself and email me if you'd like to discuss anything further.

Thanks SuzanneMarie for your reply and I so understand the withdrawal from Antidepressant medication. It is like a double whammy, first we are working on our new way of thinking and then the withdrawal from these meds so it is definitely a challenge. Apparently many have no problem getting off antdepressants and I strongly feel that the medical profession needs to take a closer look at this issue and recognize the fact that there is a small minority of us who have trouble with withdrawal.My previous Dr. did not believe me but he has moved and my new Dr. knew about it all when I first discussed it with him. Good for you 6 months med free and from what they say it does get easier. It is so great to be able to share all this stuff as we know we are not alone. Take Care and Thanks again Timber

Many doctors are ignorant of the withdrawal effects of Paxil. From what I have read on this board and others, it is worse than taking Xanax or Valium. I never knew this until reading on the boards. There are real dangers for some folks in taking this med which can last a long time after coming off of it.

I originally bought the MWC program in 1996 and it made a big impact on my ability to deal with my anxiety. Since then, I have been able to manage very well with maybe 3 or 4 short periods that I would call "Growth Spurts". About 3 years ago I had one during a vacation in Maine (vacations and traveling in general have always been triggers for me) and when I came back I decided to see a Psychiatrist and get some meds. He prescribed Xanax and I have used it on an as-needed basis since then.

During and after a fishing trip to Montana late in July I started with obsessive thinking and anicipating anxiety. When I returned, I felt better, but the obsessive thinking was still bothering me off and on, although I did not have any panic or body symptoms. Then in the first week of September I found out that an acqaintance who I don't know real well had what was characterized as a "nervous breakdown". This really freaked me out because first, the guy had always seemed so together to me, but also because going crazy has always been a major source of fear and obsessive thinking for me.

Since then, I have really been working hard to get through some intense obsessive thinking patterns and also have had a few heavy panic episodes. It had been so long since this had happened that I could not even find the MWC tapes, and it took me a while to find all of them and start listening and writing again. I've been having some good and bad days and went back to the shrink to talk about things. He reassured me and said that my problem is that once I start to feel better I basically don't take care of myself, and things build up like a volcano.

One thing I have noticed with each of these "growth spurts", is that because I feel so much more vulnerable, I become much more sensitive to other people. My wife thinks I become a lot nicer and easier to get along with. I don't know, but it seems there should be an easier way to do it.

Hi Jim-Thanks for your reply.So true when you said once we start to feel better and forget to take care of ourselves things creep up on us like a volcano. I totally agree with that.The lesson I am learning from my growth spurt is that I have to be more in tune to me like keeping balance in my life and finding time for me so I have begun working on that issue along with my expectations It is just so easy to get caught up in stuff with life ,in fact it happens and we do not even realize it and then boom. So Our growth spurts are a great learning curve. The death in our family brought me to a standstill so when I looked at the last couple of months I realized I had been running and not to mention the Paxil stuff so now I am slowing down.True to form those of us with anxiety type personalities when we move we move!!!! Anyhow you will be fine as your skills will kick in.!!! I said to a friend of mine tonite that I thought since I was 4 months Paxil free and doing Ok I had it beat but wrong I was!!! Something I have picked up which are little signs to help me if I ever do this again is that I felt like I was running and I was neglecting getting stuff done around home so I am wondering that we all must get signs and perhaps if we can recognize them we can slow down before the boom hits. Just a thought!!! Take Care and thanks for replying!!! Timber