This is my first time posting anything, and believe me if I would've thought about this before I would have done it a long time ago. About two weeks ago I had an anxiety attack. I hadn't had one since last August. I started this program in Sept/Oct. but didn't really keep up on it like I should have. I felt great because I started taking Paxil again and everything was working out. I went off my Paxil in Jan. along with my birth control b/c my husband and I wanted to start trying to conceive. Then I learned that I had to have surgery that would set us back on trying to conceive. In the meantime I learned that one of my best friends was pregnant (she didn't even want kids). I felt a fair amount of jealousy with a mixture of happiness. My parents were also in a serious car accident (luckily it wasn't fatal and everything is okay). I went through all of these things coping just fine. Then I learned that my other best friend was pregnant, and the day after, I suffered the anxiety. I was reeling...although I didn't out and out have a panic attack and I was able to function, it was much slower and I missed a lot of work. I went back to my therapist and my program and inundated myself with information to the point of overload. I had been having obsessive scary thoughts. My therapist suggested I talk with my physician about possible meds again. I did. I took my first one today, and I swear it worked like a magic solution. Now I am beating myself up because I feel I took the easy way out and I'm putting my hopes of having a baby in jeopardy b/c I'm taking meds. Did I mention that I have been off and on meds for four years, and I feel that I have to get to the bottom of this because I don't want to continue this cycle. Does anyone relate to this and what has been your experiences? Please help!!!

You have described many causes of anxiety. Our desire to have something (in your case a baby) and the feelings of frustration and anxiety because it's not happening. Even our desire to be free from anxiety gets frustrating. People with anxiety make their happiness conditional on whether they achieve what they are trying to achieve or not. Here's how to tell:

" I cannot be happy until I get rid of all these body symptoms"

"I'm still sick as long as I take medication"

"I'll be happy when...."\

Live in the moment. Let go and Let God worry about what you should and shouldn't have. I know this is hard, but many good things come into our lives when we relax a bit.

Tammy