Hi,

I'm new to the forum. I'm a 35yr old male. I went through the program about 9 years ago. Have done many things since then, like moving across country from Massachusetts to California. Have had a few growth spurts along the way. A good one about 3 years ago when I was having job problems.
Since the beginning of the year I've had those feeling come back real strong. The adrenaline, spacey thoughts, etc. I am REALLY beating myself up and feel like a failure. I had been doing so well. Last year I got married, started a business, and bought a new home. I had much confidence. I handled all that stress great! But now I got stressed because of the business. We are wrapping up work with some clients and working on getting new ones. I guess that and all the changes really scared me! Feel overwhelmed with everything and my mind is racing. Went back to reading Lucinda's book but it's hard for me to even think of the program again. I need assistance in reminding myself that it's no big thing and that I have learned alot and can't go back to the beginning. I know that in my mind but my feelings are telling me otherwise. I know you guys understand!

Thanks!

Socal,

Your post reads like my dream (which I too will have some day ). Let's see... own your own business, own a new home and newly married. Doesn't sound like a failure to me. In fact, it sounds like you are quite successful. Doubts come to each of us and people like you are obviously well equipped to handle them (otherwise, how could you possibly have accomplished all that you have so far? ) It's all about focus: focus on the negative and you will see the negative; focus on the positive and you will see the positive.

Now, go give your wife a big hug in your new house and report in to your boss tomorrow with the attitude that life is good .

Phoenix,

Thanks sooo much for your kind words. Today was a really tough day. It's hard to believe I've done all that I mentioned. When you get a growth spurt it robs you of the confidence you built up. I really beat myself up over this -- I am the type of person who wants to deal with something ONCE and never worry about it again! That idea is what gets me in trouble I believe!!

It's always amazing to me how quickly our feeling can change. Last week I felt all right but this week I feel like I'm overwhelmed and want to run from all responsibility. Does this sound familiar to anyone! I'm still so scared of those feelings!! My logical self knows they're nothing but my body is freaked out!!!!!! God must have some more lessons for me to learn.

SoCA,

Practice being with the feelings instead of resisting them. What is your body trying to tell you? Breathe into the feelings. Notice where you are feeling sensations and BE with them. Don't be fooled by thoughts and body sensations. They are temporary.

Allow feelings to pass through you.
Describe them to yourself.
Float with them - accept this is how you feel right now. You can still function.
Let some time pass.

Open up your arms and say, C'mon in. What is it I need to know right now? Do your best to stay out of your thinking mind. Stay only with the feelings. Use your breath to help you stay with the feelings.

Blessings,
Bon

Thanks Bon. I'll work on it. I'm doing that rushing thing! I'm trying to do everything and use every trick to "pop" out of it. I want to get back to the normal feeling right NOW!

I know I've come a long ways...I just got caught off guard with this. I feel like I'm at the beginning -- it's that negative thinking I've been combatting. It takes so much energy though. When I'm in these feelings I feel like I'm at square one. Funny how every panic attack seems like the most intense you've ever had.

My wife has been great about it. I remind myself I'm not alone. It's so circular. I'm so mad that I even feel this at all! It's nice to know people here know how I feel!

SoCal,

You have had great success from the program. It hasn't changed, it's still there. You've come out of it before, you will again. I view this program like AA. I've got to stay with it and work it each day. When I get to feeling better, I've let go of it only to find myself back at square one eventually. Try to keep in touch with this site. There are some very good people on this site that can encourage and supprt you.

Don53,

Thanks for your thoughts. It's just so hard for me to see the success right now. I keep fighting it. My negative thoughts take over. I'm just low because I hadn't felt this way in so long. It makes me feel totally out of control (and we like control!).

I know that "normal" feeling is right within my grasp but my mind keeps feeding the negative. Telling me that I can't handle everything. It frustrates me that I do this to myself but can't stop it whenever I want. I know I can because I did.

Can you relate to this: When you're feeling good it feels like you could never feel bad again. Then when you do feel bad it consumes you temporarily. Even though I know what the problem is, it still doesn't make me feel better right away.

Thanks for letting me talk. It helps.

SoCal,

I see that Andrew is going through a review of the program. He has a lot of wisdom. He can probably help you more than I. On Parent to Parent He's started a thread on Over Protective Parents. In that thread you can click to review each week's session with him. He seems to understand what Growth Spurts are. I would read that if I were you. Apparently there are reasons for them according to what Andrew says. It sounds encouraging.

Yes, I know exactly what you are saying. I'm going through the same thing right now. But, I believe that it's only a matter of time until I'm doing much better again. Listening to tape 3,4,6,8-10, going through the work book and journaling have always worked. No reason to doubt that it will work again. Sometimes the journaling in itself makes the negative go away. Just take one day at a time, focus on the now, the next hour. I may not feel like I can handle even one day at a time, but I can handle the next hour. You make it through that, focus on the next one.

I understand losing all self confidence. I don't have much right now. But, I'm hoping as I get in touch with what my thoughts are and write them down that I can challenge them with love, compassion, and forgiveness for myself. When that works, the battle is won and only a matter of time before self confidence returns.

For me the first step is identifying each negative thought. What are they? Don't worry about challenging them at this point unless something pops out immediately. Once you've got them written down, what can you replace them with? you begin to realize that these thoughts are not true at all, or are distortions of truth.

Sounds like your negative thoughts may be scary as well. Tape 10 is "How to stop Obsessive, Scary Thoughts." Tape 3,4 are good to develop compassionate and positive self talk. (You probably know all of this) Tapes 8 through 10 are good for stopping worry and guilt. The relaxation tape is very important I think. Sometimes when I feel real weak I just play the relaxation tape over and over. It's whatever works for you. I begin going through the tapes again, go through the workbook, and journal. In a week or two my mind and thoughts are filled with the info from the tapes and answers to the negative and scary thoughts come. With some practice, the negative and scary are replaced with positive or compassionate self talk. When that takes hold, self confidence is more or less automatic, it's a fruit I think of positive self talk and a more positive state of mind.

It's not the knowing but the doing, going through the work, that makes it work. Because I quit practicing the doing daily is the reason that I am where I am. I get to feeling much better and quit practicing and fall back into the old patterns again. Don't beat yourself up. Be good to yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself. Doesn't matter if you think you deserve it or not. We probably need forgiveness the most when we don't think we deserve it.

God loves and accepts you right where you are at right now, weak, scared, or otherwise. Accept yourself as you are right now, love yourself as you are right now. Praise yourself for anything that you do.

Hope you will keep in touch with us at the forum and let us know how you are doing.

At some point when you are feeling better, I would be interested in what your condition was 9 years ago and what has worked for you over the years. I think you have a lot to contribute if you would care to. But, right now just take care of yourself and get better.

Don53,

Thanks for the additional info. After I wrote last I spent the next day relaxing and challenging my negative thoughts. By the end of the day I felt great again and had my confidence back. It's funny how our emotions can change so quickly when we pray and take it easy on ourselves. It's also amazing how my mind seems to fight to have the negative thoughts. What the heck! I'm retraining it to think positive. I knew I was pessimistic but please! It's actually funny to me in a way!

Yesterday I felt great as well, I had a business meeting in the morning then helped a friend move for about 6 hours. I was feeling so good and talking positive. By the end of moving though I was feeling a little anxious again. Just starting back this morning with more positive talk. I have learned alot through this! Just how powerful our thinking is. I realize there's nothing wrong with me except the negative talk. It is great to know that God loves me through it all!

hi everyone! i have been reading all your notes and am still struggling thru my growth spurt. it seems that the last time i did the program and breezed thru it so much easier. it was like i was sooooo ready to get better. i had more problems with the panic attacks and avoidance behavior. but this time as you all were talking it my negative thinking. stupid stuff that dosent make sense and scares me. i try to pick it apart and figure it out. i will talk to my mom and answer what i think is going on and why im thinking that way then i will feel better for hours then i start thinking wow i have felt better for a few hours and then it seems that i talk myself back into feeling anxious. its so strange. i am having trouble listening to the relaxation tape. when i did the program 8 years ago it really helped but there is a part on the tape where lucinda takes me back to my childhood which was a very wonderful time in my life. but now my parents are splitting up this late in my life am 37. when i listen to the tape it makes me nervous because i think back to my childhood and i am soooo confused. were thos happy times or was it just a lie. my dad i feel is in a depression but he functions. he is the one that wants out and he has no joy in his life except for his antique car. i feel soo confused. does anyone have a suggestion on how to get passed this and get something out of the tapes. i know how you all are feeling and i know we will all get thru these spurts we are going thru. its so nice to have this forum and all of you. sorry i meant to give some insight and then i start rambling about my own problems. LC