So... I was doing well. Really well. And then, things started to go downward. Last year, about a year ago to the day, I moved to another state, in with my boyfriend. I was still in college and working full time - the stress started to build. 21 credits, plus full time work at an Internet company...

Then I graduated.

Then, work turned bad, and they cut things like air conditioning in the summer and general cleanliness - there were rats in the office. So I started looking for work. The company went out of business after I had been looking for 4 months (bad job market) though I had toughed it out, terrorised by the rats and the constant cleaning of our desks...

THen, I spent Oct-Dec unemployed and started a new job Jan 15th. I ran very low on money, have some debt, mostly student loans, and got really depressed.

Now I've started a new job... I don't like it - they told me it was something more creative and more writing based than it is, and I'm bored and lonely here all day. The people I work with think I'm weird and I accidentially offended them since I didn't go get sushi with them (I'm allergic to fish! I was just honest) So the job has been horrible for the past two weeks...

I've a bit of a cold right now.

I'm just sitting in my office and I want to cry. My head is heavy, I feel like I'm spinning, and I'm just... sad. Down. Nothing has worked right for me in the past year and I've tried really hard to keep that chin up and I KNOW I will be fine (I've been through much worse) but damn... this is the growth spurt from hell.

I know I can do it, I know I'm FINE.

I'm breathing. Relaxing. And I just needed somewhere to write this and know, deep down that I am perfectly reasonable to feel this way after the year I've had.

So what's the best way to deal with something like this and get past the growth spurt? Go back to being as adjusted as I was?

Pixie -

What you are feeling is normal of anyone starting a new stage in their lives.
When I graduated from college, it took me a long while to adjust to this new world I was living in.

What you need to realize is that:
The job you are in is not the one you will be in for life. Just do the best you can until you find something that suits your creativity better. Trust me - my first job was NOTHING like they told me it was going to be. I wanted to be doing F G and H and they were barely letting me do A. I was miserable until I decided to stop being miserable. I decided to learn as much as possible. I found someone I respected and learned from him. I also learned from the ones who were everything I didn't want to be - I still follow by (un) example to this day.

Are there any organizations you can join that are related to your field? Do you have your resume updated and out there -just in case? You don't need to leave right away - there is always something to gain in a new company - on the other hand, if you are not doing anything even remotely related to what your interests are - start looking now!

You need to take one hour at a time and get the most (as little as that may be) out of your situation, while you are in it. Mostly you need to realize how common this feeling is and that you can get out of it if you choose to get out of it.

Hope this helps a little and keep breathing!

Thank you for your post.

I am feeling much better. In the past week, I've made more progress than I have in the past 6 months. I did a lot of things I normally wouldn't have - took the train by myself, went shopping in NYC by myself, went to a mall that scared me a long time ago and I've been avoiding for about 7 months now...

I'm not going to say I wasn't nervous, or that I'm not at the moment. But I've realised something - facing the fears and getting past them is much less scary than the thought of avoiding things for the rest of my life.

Meanwhile... I can trace the source of my current anxiety easily. On another (unrelated to anxiety) mailing list I am on, someone is *insisting* people with anxiety disorders are mentally ill. And despite me telling her to please *not* say that to me (I'm still very sensitive to things like that) she has, and it's been a worrysome thought for me, as that is one of my biggest anxiety-producing worries.

I'm starting my tapes over today - I think it will be good for me to review everything in light of my current growth. I'm very proud. Now, just to get past these scary thoughts!

*hugs* to everyone.