I'm having a very tough time. I completed the Program a few months ago and started going through it the second time around, when my life turned into chaos. I kept going by doing the Obsessive Thought Replacement tape everyday. That's about all I had time to fit in at the time--or that I could deal with.

My best friends moved away--not far, mind you--but just far enough to totally change everything in my life. They are 35 minutes away--with good traffic. I was used to seeing them everyday -- sometimes more than once a day. I know now that I shouldn't have gotten used to having them around that much. But I did. I guess I got spoiled rotten. I just can't seem to figure out how to get along with the new arrangement. We don't do well talking on the phone. We usually end up on a bad note with phone calls. We've fussed at each other and gotten mad at each other more in the last month than we ever have in the five years that we had our "close" relationship.

It seems that most everything I did day-to-day, that I enjoyed, tied into my friends. Now, it doesn't and I just can't figure out how to do ANYTHING. I feel helpless, lost and confused. With my kids, my two jobs and all of my hobbies, plus a house and a yard to take care of, I should have no problem filling my time and being content. But, my mind and my heart tell me a different story.

I forgot to mention that, suddenly, when I do get a chance to see them, my anxiety flares up. I am afraid to see my friends. I guess it's because of the hurt feelings and all of the anger that has been expressed over the phone. I am scared to be with them and I'm afraid to be without them. I'm sure that this has got to be a major growth spurt that I have to deal with, but I'm not doing well with it at all. I don't want to lose my friends. I need some direction. Please be gentle, though. I'm not feeling very strong...

drg...my heart goes out to you from Wisconsin. I can relate to you in a much younger sense, but my mother has a lot of the same problems as you describe. I have just gotten back from vacation with my family who i love very much, and i feel like i need a vacation. They all think i need to be medicated, because i'll laugh and then i'll cry because they are all stressing me out!! Why would people that love me make me feel really anxious? I'm not sure, but i think i understand your stress. In a much different sense, I am 'alone' for the first time. I live by myself and have just broken up with a long term boyfriend. I call my friends relentlessly, but they cannot all be around all the time. so i've spent a lot of time by myself. It was driving me nuts, and still does sometimes. Being a full time student with two jobs, i also have plenty to keep my body busy, but it is hard to keep the mind occupied when it is already full. My mom is just sending her last of four children off to college, and is having a hard time filling the empty spaces (she lives alone also now). She feels like she is too much for her friends because they are all married, and she has been divorced now for...oh...about 6 years. It was hard on all of us, but better in the end. I don't know if my advice can help you, but when I feel like i cannot DO THINGS because my mind will not slow down, and i feel alone without friends (they tell me i'm too much sometimes, but real friends will call back when they are ready) i just relax, and breathe, and in the last few weeks have learned to write very fast! I have filled a journal with all of my anxieties, and sometimes let people who i truely love and trust read that journal if they want to understand what is going through my head. I hope for you, someone i have never met, because i am hoping for myself and for my mother. good luck, and keep in touch if you like. May peace be with you!

so much to say and no one to talk to. i am definately too much for all of my close friends tonight. well, until tomorrow.

Thank you for the responses. Hope you're doing better. I am...slowly. My friends and I had a long talk, together, over the weekend. Things aren't great yet, but they are improved. I watched all of the 15 sessions on video in the last week and got reminded of some important things. Also, it helped me to figure out what REALLY was bothering me.

Your comment of "so much to say and no one to talk to" really sounds familiar. I have that quite often. My ex-husband never allowed me to have friends, so I'm just now learning how to have a friend and be a friend. My boys are teenagers and don't want to listen to me talk. My daughter is married and works two jobs, so she's not always available. I definitely become too much for my few friends as well. I guess that's when it's time to write. I forget about that possibility, though, until someone reminds me. So, thank you for the reminder.

Keep in touch. I'll pray for you and your mom.

I'm glad things are working out with your friends. My mom has no one to talk to either, so now i try to listen to her, but sometimes kids (especially boys) do not like really listening to their parents. I have great hope and faith that things will be okay, and support from a stranger never hurts, so thank you for your best wishes also. I'm always here, and always trying to listen