Its been a year since completing the program. I have applied all of the things I have learned into my daily routine. I still feel fearful of having a set back , and sometimes still get into moods where I start to worry or get down. Since doing the program, i am able to keep it under control, but wish i could just go on about my day without thinking about the horrible few months I had at end of 2007. I get nervous when i start to feel any of the symptoms that lead up to my full blown anxiety/depression experience. So I figured if I came back and just vented maybe it will help ease my mind.

That's actually discouraging for the rest of us to hear!!!

Diggy-
I know what you are feeling. It's been a little under a year and a half and I am beyound scared. I have come back to the program to find some venting as well. I am now starting to feel extreme guilt for making it. if that makes sense. Also, it's something like..."if i start living fully again..I will crash again"

This is not discouraging...it's all a process. Everything is not hot and cold. Healing takes more time then anyone could imagine

When I first "recovered" with the help of this program and medication, I thought if I really embraced the concepts in the program, and I did, that I would never feel anxiety again.

That is unrealistic. Anxiety is a human emotion, so is depression. EVERYONE feels them at times. I have since re-defined recovery. For me, success is feeling anxiety when appropriate (I am feeling it this week but I won't go into this long list of life events that have contributed in the past 2 months) but being able to float through it, acknowledge that it is there, accept it, ---that keeps it from getting worse. It is scary to think of how bad you were before, but just because you feel some of the same feelings that started it before, doesn't mean that you will end up where you did before. Everyone feels scared and uncertain at times. The program gives us skills so we can handle these feelings appropriately.

When I had a "growth spurt" one year ago after really doing well, I found support on these forums. Many people suggested that it was time to do the program through again, starting with lesson 3. It is easy to fall back into some old habits, even if you think you aren't, the negative thinking (and fear of getting worse again is negative thinking) creeps back in.

I totally agree with footprints. Healing is a process, that takes a long, long time.

Diggy - I agree with footprints and sleepless mom - Your story is not discouraging and this program is a process.

Yes, we feel better while working the program and after completing the Program, but are we 100% cured? Not in 15 weeks. This is a process of healing. I had a very, very bad time too at the end of 2007. I felt myself getting worried that it would all come crashing down on me again. Thankfully I have the Program and its tools. I just let the anxiety roll over me and never once did I panic.

This Program has given us wonderful tools to apply in our life - but it takes time and I believe after putting them into my life, I will be able to live with the anxiety when it is appropriate to have anxiety. Please do not get discouraged; we have all had our ups and downs with recovery.

LisaLisa

SleeplessMom and LisaLisa had some good things to say here. I think in the beginning a lot of people feel if they complete the program they will never feel anxiety again. My idea of success here is to acquire skills in dealing with the anxiety and to learn how to reverse these bad thinking habits when things get rough. I've used my skills from here numerous times since I completed the program, and instead of freaking out over a setback and saying "Oh no, here it comes again!" I can now say "Well I know what this is, I know how to deal with it, and I know how to change it." Acceptance and eliminating the fear of it have been keys in my recovery.

Thank you all for your replys and advice.
Sometimes it can seem discouraging, and honestly not the way i wanted anyone to feel reading it. This is a place to get help and yes we are all going to have some bumps to get over, and seeking advice from people who know what you are feeling is the best medicine anyone could ask for. I thank you all, for giving me the uplift I needed to get past another bump, before it turned into a hill! :>)
Hope everyone has a great weekend. I will defiantly use all of your advice as I continue my journey.

This is where you are supposed to come to vent and to get advice and encouragement when things get tough, and they will - that's life. Don't let anyone make you feel like you shoulnt be here talking about your problems. That is exactly what this site is for. We are here for you! Now get back into your program! LOL

Thanks deedee, I actually listened to one of the cds in the car on my way from work this evening. I had to dig them out from under the seat , but it felt good to hear Lucindas voice and to realize i was letting some of my old habits come back in the picture and what really was causing them.

You are so welcome Diggy! I'm glad you're getting back on that horse, so to speak. LOL I know you'll be fine.

Hey diggy!
First off..discouraging I THINK NOT!
This is just the place to be! We are all here for one another to here the worst of the worst, or the best of the best!!
I just want to say I understand your pain. I go back into my memory very often(thats my biggest problem!). I know how hard it is....have you been extra stressed lately? I know that could be a factor...or just bored? That is also a big problem..not even for us that suffer with "anxiety" but for others as well. Idle mind is the devils playground!!

I just posted something in the section the other day...read it there is a lot of great advice!!

<3 Dena

diggy,
we have all been in your soes.but do not dwell on the past. look to the future.if you look back do so to see where you are now and where you came from.that willgive you so much hope.hope that what others say do not discourage you.it dos not bring me down but lets me know that others have been through the same thing.learn to change your thought pattern and you will be ok. we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers and be blessed.
don
I can't do it or make it happen but HE can.

Dena
Yeah I have has some added stress, my mother is ill and all she does is complain 24/7 so it makes it hard for me to even talk to her anymore. With the problems with the economy, and my job cutting overtime has added stress from bills, so i guess its just a biuld up of things. I have been bored too... so your defiantly right , the devil is working hard on me. Its the cold winter months that really get me, I miss taking my daily walks. Thank you for bringing that to my attention, I can work on that and try and get myself busy again!

don
Thank you for your reply. Its soo hard to change the thought pattern, I am trying daily... and even though i think i am being postive, i still see some negative things coming out. Plus I have a family who is soo negative it doesn't help much. I try to limit my time with them now, cause i have noticed they put me in a bad mood.

Deedee
Thanks again