I have been cycling in and out of growth spurts for 3 1/2 years now. I have been on and off medication for these years too. I was very hopeful this past year as I made some very important strides and changes in my life. We moved into a new house. I had to take on all sorts of responsibilities that I never had before especially when my mother was in an accident and I not only had to care for her and her home but my children and my home as well. I even did it without medication. I was the happiest I had ever been and felt really good about myself. But about a month into it, the all too familiar symptoms of anxiety crept back. I used all my coping methods and skills and they worked. I did everything right in the program. But I think that I must have overworked myself, because I started to feel depressed. I could not fight the symptoms, no matter what I told myself. About a week into, I decided to go back on the medication. But the funny thing is that one pill brought me right out and I immediately felt better. Its only now since I've been taking the medication that I feel worse and bad about myself. Did I give in too soon? Why am I reverting to past behaviours that simply do not work. Why can not get past these behaviours and do the right thing? I continue to choose self defeating behaviours. I know that I can do better. But now my doctor has suggested that perhaps I should stay on low dosage of the medication indefinately. I'm not sure what to do. Does anyone else out there feel frustrated with their panic and depression?

Dear Marija,

I too went through a growth spurt this past winter. My old symptoms came back and I was devastated. I went on a light dosage of zoloft until strengthend my skills. Now I'm off all meds and restored confidence in my self. In hindsight, I stopped journaling, helping others on the forum, checking in with my therapist and simply lost momentum. I have learned that the brain is much like any muscle in that we must continually do our cognitive excercises...i.e. challenging irrational thoughts, relaxation, journaling, reading and continually striving to stay "cognitively fit".
Their is nothing wrong with staying on a low dosage of meds until you've strenghtend your thoughts, cognitions, and beliefs....Their is no such thing as failure just "growth spurts". We are human thus fallible. I too felt like you did when I went through this "growth spurt" however, like any other experience, I've learned from this and am moving on knowing that I must continually do my cognitive excercises...No diffrent that a diver in the olympics...We want the gold..not silver or bronze.....God Bless.......

Michael,

I just wanted to say that I am glad that you are responding on the forum. I really value your insights. Thank you.

Nikki