I found out this week that there is a fine line between doing things because you want to do them/have the time to do them and people pleasing. I have a feeling others can relate to this since so many of us seem to be "passionate" people pleasers! I had a truly horrible week at work this week but it served to remind me that I still have a few skills to work on.

My job can be very stressful on any given day but it seems like it has been one crisis after another since the end of June. This week I got "chewed-out" at work because I followed the directions that, when given to me, were inaccurate. I truly forgot to e-mail my project director to let her know about it and was very quickly reminded that forgetting to e-mail was totally unacceptable. I agreed. I then found out that my direct supervisor had taken my venting about my frustration as a sign that I wasn't going to get my work done and she went behind my back and told my project director something that was totally out of context and false. Man I hate that!!!!

Anyway, to make a long story short, I realized that I had been burning the candle at both ends instead of being assertive and taking care of myself. I forgot how to say "no." I tried to do everything that was asked of me (that people pleasing thing again) and stretched myself too thin. Of course, when I got chewed-out for failing to do something, no one could remember all that I had done for them. It didn't matter that I had pitched in and pulled another project out of the fire or that I had taken on the responsibilities of training three other people. It didn't matter that my supervisor continually sought me out for my input on numerous decisions she needed to make in the department. (this is the same supervisor who went behind my back! ) All I got for stretching myself too thin was a reprimand and muscle spasms in my neck and back! One reprimand and two prescriptions for muscle relaxers and anti-inflammatories later I realize that I haven't been taking good care of myself. "Speak confidently." "Be assertive." "I don't have to please everyone." I think I forgot all of these over the last three months!

The good thing is that I handled the chewing-out okay and I haven't panicked over it. I've tried very hard to not beat myself up over it. Every once in a while I find myself going back over things and I try to divert my attention toward something more positive. A year or so ago, I would've been a basket case over something like this. See -- there's a positive!

Anyway, I think I just needed to write this out to continue reminding myself that I am a good and worthy person and I can make an occasional mistake and it won't make me anything less. I also wanted to offer a gentle reminder to all of those other "people pleasers" out there that you need to take care of yourself. Its okay to say, "no, I can't do that." It's okay to say, "I would prefer that someone else take on that task." I think that if I would've set up some boundaries for myself and others, maybe I wouldn't have this incredible stress in my life right now. I guess I've got more practice sessions ahead . . . .

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Mountaingirl
come forth into the light of things ~ let nature be your teacher. William Wordsworth

[This message has been edited by mountaingirl (edited 09-22-2001).]

Hey Mountaingirl!
What a week/ growth spurt/lesson? Let me stop and breathe...So what if you made a mistake! You did one fine job under the circumstances. You definetly are a good and worthy person! Next time you will handle things different!Like you said you would have been a basket case a yr ago. Look how far you have come! You didn't panic and you realize that you need a bit of a refresher course-No big deal! I truly believe we will need these skills for our entire life!

Next time you know you can avoid this by saying,"No, I'm not going there. I'm going the other way. I'm going to choose to be less affected.

It's all in our attitudes! We have 3 options.
Eliminate,Modify,or Underreact.

Take care of yourself! Do you have the 911 tape? I just got it. It's excellent!!!
2-4,
Diane

quote:

Originally posted by mountaingirl:
I found out this week that there is a fine line between doing things because you want to do them/have the time to do them and people pleasing. I have a feeling others can relate to this since so many of us seem to be "passionate" people pleasers! I had a truly horrible week at work this week but it served to remind me that I still have a few skills to work on.

My job can be very stressful on any given day but it seems like it has been one crisis after another since the end of June. This week I got "chewed-out" at work because I followed the directions that, when given to me, were inaccurate. I truly forgot to e-mail my project director to let her know about it and was very quickly reminded that forgetting to e-mail was totally unacceptable. I agreed. I then found out that my direct supervisor had taken my venting about my frustration as a sign that I wasn't going to get my work done and she went behind my back and told my project director something that was totally out of context and false. Man I hate that!!!!

Anyway, to make a long story short, I realized that I had been burning the candle at both ends instead of being assertive and taking care of myself. I forgot how to say "no." I tried to do everything that was asked of me (that people pleasing thing again) and stretched myself too thin. Of course, when I got chewed-out for failing to do something, no one could remember all that I had done for them. It didn't matter that I had pitched in and pulled another project out of the fire or that I had taken on the responsibilities of training three other people. It didn't matter that my supervisor continually sought me out for my input on numerous decisions she needed to make in the department. (this is the same supervisor who went behind my back! ) All I got for stretching myself too thin was a reprimand and muscle spasms in my neck and back! One reprimand and two prescriptions for muscle relaxers and anti-inflammatories later I realize that I haven't been taking good care of myself. "Speak confidently." "Be assertive." "I don't have to please everyone." I think I forgot all of these over the last three months!

The good thing is that I handled the chewing-out okay and I haven't panicked over it. I've tried very hard to not beat myself up over it. Every once in a while I find myself going back over things and I try to divert my attention toward something more positive. A year or so ago, I would've been a basket case over something like this. See -- there's a positive!

Anyway, I think I just needed to write this out to continue reminding myself that I am a good and worthy person and I can make an occasional mistake and it won't make me anything less. I also wanted to offer a gentle reminder to all of those other "people pleasers" out there that you need to take care of yourself. Its okay to say, "no, I can't do that." It's okay to say, "I would prefer that someone else take on that task." I think that if I would've set up some boundaries for myself and others, maybe I wouldn't have this incredible stress in my life right now. I guess I've got more practice sessions ahead . . . .

Hi Diane! Thanks for responding. Eliminate, modify, or underreact. I had forgotten about those three little words! Thanks for reminding me. I'm seriously thinking of "eliminating" this job and have already talked to my former supervisor about possibly changing companies. He has already said that he wanted to interview me this week. Until that time, I'll just have to remember to underreact.

Today has been better than Friday or Saturday. I've just sort of blown it all off. I must be doing a good job at it because I just woke up from a two-hour nap! I guess the week just got to me and my body was worn out. Now I'm going to go plant some herbs in my garden and a few mums. After all, its Fall -- time for mums!

Hope you had a great weekend.

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Mountaingirl
come forth into the light of things ~ let nature be your teacher. William Wordsworth

Good for you Mountaingirl!
It sounds like this position has left you w/o anytime for yourself! Being on lesson 13 myself I am reminded that's it's all a balancing act. I was so happy to hear you are considering a different position which I hope it will be less stressful. Good luck on the interview!

I was overjoyed to hear you took a nap and are out in the garden! We need our "down" time. Atleast 1 hr a day! That is hard to do as w/ us anxious ones we've gotta keep being productive! Maybe a relaxing bubble bath before bed tonight w/ some relaxing music? You'll be all set to handle another day at a more relaxed pace. Drive slower, talk slower, and walk slower. You are in control.
Have a good wk!
Diane

quote:

Originally posted by mountaingirl:
I found out this week that there is a fine line between doing things because you want to do them/have the time to do them and people pleasing. I have a feeling others can relate to this since so many of us seem to be "passionate" people pleasers! I had a truly horrible week at work this week but it served to remind me that I still have a few skills to work on.

My job can be very stressful on any given day but it seems like it has been one crisis after another since the end of June. This week I got "chewed-out" at work because I followed the directions that, when given to me, were inaccurate. I truly forgot to e-mail my project director to let her know about it and was very quickly reminded that forgetting to e-mail was totally unacceptable. I agreed. I then found out that my direct supervisor had taken my venting about my frustration as a sign that I wasn't going to get my work done and she went behind my back and told my project director something that was totally out of context and false. Man I hate that!!!!

Anyway, to make a long story short, I realized that I had been burning the candle at both ends instead of being assertive and taking care of myself. I forgot how to say "no." I tried to do everything that was asked of me (that people pleasing thing again) and stretched myself too thin. Of course, when I got chewed-out for failing to do something, no one could remember all that I had done for them. It didn't matter that I had pitched in and pulled another project out of the fire or that I had taken on the responsibilities of training three other people. It didn't matter that my supervisor continually sought me out for my input on numerous decisions she needed to make in the department. (this is the same supervisor who went behind my back! ) All I got for stretching myself too thin was a reprimand and muscle spasms in my neck and back! One reprimand and two prescriptions for muscle relaxers and anti-inflammatories later I realize that I haven't been taking good care of myself. "Speak confidently." "Be assertive." "I don't have to please everyone." I think I forgot all of these over the last three months!

The good thing is that I handled the chewing-out okay and I haven't panicked over it. I've tried very hard to not beat myself up over it. Every once in a while I find myself going back over things and I try to divert my attention toward something more positive. A year or so ago, I would've been a basket case over something like this. See -- there's a positive!

Anyway, I think I just needed to write this out to continue reminding myself that I am a good and worthy person and I can make an occasional mistake and it won't make me anything less. I also wanted to offer a gentle reminder to all of those other "people pleasers" out there that you need to take care of yourself. Its okay to say, "no, I can't do that." It's okay to say, "I would prefer that someone else take on that task." I think that if I would've set up some boundaries for myself and others, maybe I wouldn't have this incredible stress in my life right now. I guess I've got more practice sessions ahead . . . .

Hey MountainGirl:

You are one of my favorite inspirations on this forum - sorry to hear you've been having a rough time at work.

Take it from me, the queen of "people-pleasers", it just ain't worth it anymore. I'm learning to put myself first at work - do the job to the best of your ability, try not to take on too much, take time for yourself and don't take it home. Easier said than done, I know, but I'm getting better at it and am feeling much happier.

Good luck with the job interview - sounds like it's time for a change.

I'm ready to put out mums too, but it's too hot in Hot "Lanta - has your Texas weather cooled off?

Take it easy and keep us posted on the new job opportunity.

Hi Farmers! Thanks for your kind words -- your reply made me smile!

I plan to adopt your work strategy. I've been doing too much and having to bring some of it home. I had promised myself I wouldn't do that so I need to keep that promise. Today begins a new week and a new work strategy that takes care of me!

Yes, the weather has cooled a little here in Texas. So your from Atlanta? I used to watch the Lynette Jennings show on Discovery and she often had a woman on her show that worked at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. She always had the most beautiful plants and I often thought that Atlanta must be covered with beautiful flowers. I haven't been to Atlanta in years but I seem to remember that it could get pretty hot and sticky in the summer time.

Take care and have a great day!



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Mountaingirl
come forth into the light of things ~ let nature be your teacher. William Wordsworth