We made the decision to help my 12 year old rottweiler Gretchen cross to the bridge Thursday morning. It truly was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am not sure how I really feel about all of this - just empty. I have lost other pets but for some reason letting my girl go was different. With the others I had some feelings of regret such as when I lost Axl all I could really think about was that I hadn't taken him for a walk recently. I felt bad for the things that I didn't do with him. This time all I am left with is a feeling of how much I am going to miss her. I told my husband that we have become who we are due to raising her and now without her I don't really know how to be me, if that makes sense.

I guess the way we had to look at it was three weeks ago she had stopped eating on her own. Of course we were able to give her a steroid which made her want to eat but that only allowed us a moment to see her seemingly have a zest for life. However it was only due to the medication. Her body was giving out on her and we had to let her go.

I can only hope that my sweet Honey Girl is healthy and happy now with her big brother Axl.

I really worried about letting this situation cause anxiety and panic for me. I tend to have a habit of allowing something happening to me right now build up to become panic two months from now. I am trying to focus on recognizing the stress and dealing with it rather than stuffing it into my already full cup.

This was a huge mud pie of life.

Shawn.



[This message has been edited by briggslady (edited 08-13-2002).]

Shawn

I am so sorry about Gretchen((((HUG))))! Being an animal lover too I know the feelings that you are experiencing. There is no magic word to take the pain away. You will always have the memories and I know that you are comforted in knowing Gretchen isn't in pain anymore and with Axl. How about looking down the road and seeing yourself with a Gretle or Grace(only one Gretchen!). When you are ready you will be able to give that "good momma dog love" I know you have to another and your heart will be full again. Just take care of yourself and allow yourself to feel the loss.

Take care-Silvana

Hi,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know there is no magic cure what you are going through, it is going to take time for the emptiness to subside.

I will always miss my half golden retreiver and half black Lab named Shawna. She was my best friend. We had been through alot together, she was such a loyal, devoted dog and companion.
I never had a dog like her. She lived to be 15 yrs old,and died a month before her birthday. I will always remember the morning I found her after my husband had let her out to do her morning duties. I feel bad that I didn't get to see her one last time before she passed away.

It is normal to think about things we wish we would have done, or maybe spent more time with them. I have those regrets too.

She was your little girl for a very long time and you had many years to enjoy her, I can relate to what you are feeling right now. They were so much a part of your life and now they are gone. This is going to take time for the wounds to heal, but you have to realize you gave her the greatest gift of all your love.

I know this is to early to think about right now, but in time you may want to get another dog. I knew in my heart because I loved her so much and enjoyed her companionship, that I wanted another dog. Not right away though because I wasn't ready, I also knew in my heart that this dog was not going to replace her, being they all have different Personalities. "My Shawna was special".

A year later I got a Golden Retreiver named Nakia, and what a hand full she was. She is now three years old and I am having so much fun. Yea, she has her own personality and full of spunk, but nothing wrong with that, she keeps life interesting. I wouldn't trade her in for the world.

An animal lover myself at heart.

Laurie

If you would like to see Nakia, or Shawna here is my website.

http://nakia.home.westpa.net



[This message has been edited by Larrie (edited 08-13-2002).]

Shawn,

Awww hon, im sorry to hear that you had to put your doggie to sleep . Gosh its hard to have to do that. Just remember that it was for the best. Allow yourself those feelings of saddness, eventually you will get to where you will miss her, but have the good memories to make you smile . I wish there was more i could say. Just be good to yourself and know that your pup is in a better place. ((((hugs))))) Take care!

Doyle

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"Could God microwave a burito so hot, that even he himself could not eat it?" ~Homer J. Simpson~

I am so sorry. I don't know how I missed your post. I hope you are doing ok. I think you just being aware of the stress and emotions going on within yourself will be a big change from stuffing it. It will hurt for awhile, but I doubt you will have much panic from it. I am sorry for your loss. I know how much my critters are a part of my life and will always be, even when they have to leave. Take care of yourself and cry whenever you feel like it.
Hugs, Reena

Hi, i missed your post becasue i could not post again until this week.

I am so sorry. i put my dog to sleep 2 years ago and he was the best friend in the world. Pets are truly an inspiration. I have a book about the rainbow bridge and would love to send it to you. I get them off a fundraiser sight Golden retrievers in Cyber space.

I still think about my friend two years later but i knew in his eyes that he wanted to move on.

i love him and will always. i have a new Golden Retriever now and he is a goof ball. Always has to be where I am. i always tell him that my other dog sent him to me from heaven.

we should all view life the way are pets do. Enjoy every day. thats all we really have.

All my love to you and I know your doggie is across rainbow bridge with mine having a blast and healthy again.

jt

Shawn,

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is like losing a family member because they are like your kids! Cry when you feel like it...and don't forget to remember who they were before they were sick.

I, also, just want to say that I am a vet tech with the hopes of someday becoming a veterinarian. I am sure your Gretchen has a much better life now (I'm not going to get into too much religion, but personally, I believe animals go to heaven) and is probably playing with my old dogs. Remember that you gave her the best life you could, and she gave you her unconditional love. You loved her so much that you didn't let her die in agony. Too many times, people wait until it's too late...and their pets suffer. This is very sad to me because I do not like to see animals suffer. So, I just want to say that you did what was best for Gretchen. She's probably playing in the heavens right now!

Just take each day one by one and cry when you need too.

My sympathy,
Cindy

Hello Shawn,

Very sorry about your loss.

It is only normal a loss like this would cause anxiety. I learned so much from your postings. Therefore I know you not only understand but live the ADD lessons. You have the knowledge to deal with any anxiety that might come. Your safe person is still you.

I had tear in my eyes when I read your post. I have one dogs and three cats, so I understand perfectly what you meant by you are who you are because of Gretchen. But I tried to picture Gretchen waking up on the other side and says, "Hey, all the ache and pain are gone. Hey, the lightheadedness from not eating is gone, too. As a matter of fact, I am not even hungry! Hey, that is Axl over there. How are you doing buddy..."

There will be grief and probably anxiety. Let them come and let them go.

Take care,

Thank you guys so much guys for your continued support. Today it has been two weeks since her passing. An online friend wrote me such an awesome email that I would like to share a portion of that with you guys. Not to just make you cry or anything...it is just powerful. She lost her great dane Barlee to cancer. Unfortunately she felt that she had not watched the outward signs of the disease but thought that she would be able to tell by Barlee's eyes.

My heart is breaking for you right now. I read your email with a huge lump in my chest and burning eyes. You see I know too. Gretchen's pain is gone, you have set her free. I realized very late with my Barlee, that the only way I could take her pain was to take it myself. To banish forever the face that I wanted to see always. What love we feel for them. The only way we can take their pain away, is to take it on ourselves. I have told people that Barlee made me a mother (I don't have kids). This must be the kind of "mother's love" people talk about.

This is the hardest part you're going through, I found after 2 weeks I hit a real roadblock...I felt like, OK - I have done this. I have made it 2 weeks without my girl. Are you happy now? Have I not passed this cruel test? I did it and I didn't complain, now I WANT HER BACK. I want things back to normal. I think it was then that it hit me that she was gone, forever, I would never look in her beautiful eyes again, never pet her, never throw her sticky or kong, she was gone. This is when it really hurt. Actually, I sunk into a deep depression that got worse over a few months and ended up with me nearly admitting myself to a hospital two months later. I
just missed her so much it hurt my heart, and I wanted her back. I am crying now as I write this.

But overall (other than times like this that bring back the intense pain), I did survive, and I felt like it would be disrespectful to Barlee to stop enjoying my life. Barlee was like Gretchen - she didn't want to go. I know that she didn't think she was that seriously ill, despite having lost one leg and overnight, losing much use of a second leg. She was ready to learn how to do things on two legs. With such a strong and beautiful example of a brave, wonderful, happy, awesome being in my life, how could I be blessed with something she cherished - life - and be sour? It was sort of like my tribute to her, to try to enjoy life for her. I don't know if this
makes sense. You'd have to have know Barlee. She seized the day, every day, she loved going anywhere, doing anything, being with anyone (but especially me). I do still miss her a lot and think of her every day. It's like a dream now, like a dream that I used to have this awesome beautiful big brown dog...

Please try to remember that you gave her a good long life, filled with your love, which was a religion to her - it was what she lived for, every day you made her the happiest dog in the world. That's all she could ever have wanted and more than what the average dog will ever get. She would approve of your decision to let her go, I'm sure of this - she would not have wanted to lose her dignitydespite that she probably would have, just to be with you longer. But you didn't make her do this, and you didn't make her suffer and linger because of your own emotions. Your love was true, I don't think there is a truer love than between a dog and his master.

Stay well. Gretchen is cancer-free now and probably running with my Barlee in spirit. As long as Gretchen isn't too alpha, they will get along just fine. I do believe that they don't die and just stop, their energy becomes something different, and that one day when we face the same journey we will somehow be reunited with them. Gretchen's pain is gone, now you have to take care of yourselves. You know that Gretchen would be devastated if you didn't.

Remember that what you did is a testament to your love for her, and that she will be alive again every time you close your eyes and see her running. Let her comfort you. I hope she visits you in your dreams.

Briggs, I did not see your original post for some reason. I am real sorry to hear about the passing of your Rottie, Gretchen. Last year, my mom and dad's poodle, that they had had since I was in high school, had to be put down.

I wanted to let you know you are not alone in how you felt about Gretchen. Folks that have not ever had a pet do not understand how very important they become and how they really are a member of your family.

I've got a German Shepherd that will always be my special girl and a German Shepherd/Lab mix that I rescued; he is such a good boy. Many days, those two have helped me make it through the day.

Allow yourself to grieve and to remember fond times. Again, I am sorry for your loss.