Hi guys, maybe some of you can relate..

So my brother has a cat (that used to be mine) The cat has multiple medical problems. For awhile I was going over to his house and spending several hours alone with the cat, treating him for these problems. I got mad. So I told my brother to take the cat to a vet that happens to be two blocks away if I couldn't get there quite so often. Plus, it really is hard on me to treat my own cat. He hates me.
My brother got angry. Said that he wouldn't take the cat to a vet. If the cat got terribly sick, he would shoot it. And I could just see him at holidays and it wasn't my problem. (guilt trip)
Now I go visit once a week, and get dinner out of it, but its always followed by treating the cat. Which takes a few hours. I hate it. I'm counting the days to when the cat dies (I know, pretty low) so I can be free of the obligation. I'm burning with resentment.

Situation #2. I go to church regularly. Sometimes I communicate by email with the pastor. He's said I could write as much as I'd like, just that when things get busy, he may not be able to respond to every email. Ok, thats fine. He must have been stressed last week. No response, and then I get this short note that says "Keep writing, just really busy, the living journal and all that rot, you know." How am I supposed to take that? (He calls my writing a living journal.) It sounds like he really is sick of it, but sort of veiled.

For the last three months, the church services have been all about what heaven must be like. I'm actually tired of it. Last week I felt shamed by it. As though I 'should' be more hopeful about the afterlife. This week was the same. I found myself angry. I feel kind of like a failure, because I leave right after the service and I don't know many people. Know why? Anxiety yes, but also severe sweating. Ever try to have a relaxed conversation when your underarms are drenched? I feel like telling the pastor to spray water under his arms and then circulate around the lobby talking, and see how 'hopeful' he is. Walk a mile in my shoes pal. I think I should go to the doctor and see if there's a medical cause. I hope so. It would be so nice to be able to say that. Anxiety is just not accepted easily. I feel like a leper at church. Also that some christians seem to hover around the drain. Why is it that there is so much emphasis on suffering? I'm so spiritually confused when it comes to people. The more I hear, the less I understand.

Thanks,

Deb

Hi Deb! I agree with you that anxiety is not easily accepted, which is a real shame. I have had plenty of experiences where people have treated me like I was freak because I have anxiety and my hands sweat sometimes profusely. I have felt really bad about myself and embarrassed about peoples' responses to me when those moments have occurred. I don't understand how some things in society are seen as acceptable and normal even if those things are wrong, while anxiety is viewed as craziness or worst. I've even had bad experiences with so called doctors when I've told them about having anxiety. Some doctors have treated me as if they never heard of anyone having anxiety disorder, so it seemed weird to them that I had anxiety disorder. There's just so much ignorance out there that makes me some people react like fools instead of being more understanding and remembering that they are far from being perfect themselves.