i quit my job, and do nothing but sit at home watching tv. i look forward to taking my son to school and going for my doctor visits, because it gets me out of the house. i also stopped attending school for my MBA for fear of having a panic attack, was this the best thing to do.

Dear unhappy

Why are you so unhappy with your decision? I dont see anything wrong with it. Sometimes we need a little time away from the hustle and bustle of the outside world.

Even people without the disorder like us have gone for heart bypass operations as they failed to take care of themselves in this crazy fast paced world. The upper management of my company owns million dollar homes, are experienced high flyers with impressive education like MBA's from Harvard/Oxford/Cambridge etc are sick as well. Most of them have gone through a bypass and were told by their doctors to slow down. Most of them have mellowed, change their diets dramatically and no longer shout till kingdom come when dealing with everyday work. They changed!

We are only humans and GOD made us so complex. We have a recorded memory of everything that has happened to us since day 1. So you will sometimes wonder why is it you feel a certain way about certain things in life. It must have been something you decided about life early on. But we do not have to live like that anymore. All we do is to change our opinions about ourself and our lives. It is probably hard for you to understand that all you need to do is to change the way you feel about yourself. But you have to go through it yourself to find out. I have been there before. I am glad it happened.

5 years ago, I was sitting at home for 6 months. I chose to do it as I could not cope with the outside pressures anymore. Even taking the bus/train to work was a nightmare.

When I looked back at what I did, I chose to consider it the best years of my life (Of course at that time it was another nightmare). Yeah quitting my stressful job was the best thing at that time, 5 years ago.

That time was spent forcing myself to go through the program every day, I talked and talked to myself until I felt asleep exhausted. Yup I was trying really hard to get to the bottom of this. Maybe too hard when I looked back now. Sorry...but I WAS a perfectionistic person.

After 5 years, my advice is to use that time you have at home preciously. Get to know yourself. You are an important person too. Life is an everyday thing. If you watch what u say to yourself everyday, you will be amazed at the direction your thoughts have taken. If you dont believe me just take half and hour or even 10 minutes and just write down anything that comes to your mind. Then go back and read what you just wrote. It is an eye opener. I used to write so much, it was like bringing everything out on paper.

Choose to do something about it TODAY. If you do that everyday TILL THE DAY YOU DIE, you would have accumulated a personality that will walk out of that door and live her dreams, your dreams. Every minute counts. If you let today go, then it accumulates to months, years and no wonder one feels unfulfilled and stagnant.

We are not what we have and we are not what we do. So the MBA can wait. Maybe this is not the right time to do it. Do it when you have written out your goals in life. IF MBA is part of your life's goals, you will find a way to keep on track even though you are in the toilet everyday.

Goals work. It helps you keep a perspective on your daily life so you won't give up on yourself easily.

To me this whole episode can be summed up as learning about yourself so that happiness will slowly start to creep in when it realises you want to make this thing work. Everyday I give myself a dose of encouragement. I travel daily so I use that time to talk about the wonderful things about me daily (yes I made a conscious decision to do it daily). It is hard to believe what I say to myself is true but what the heck I am not waiting for others to say nice things about me. I will do it myself. I had to.... as I was always in crowded trains, buses, meetings, malls, restaurants (I need to eat too!!) lunch meetings with the bosses!!! GOD what a TORTURE it was. I NEVER thought that I would get through it. NEVER...at least that was what I thought at that time.

Slowly and very slowly my actions started to change. I was more relaxed, I took more risks, I went out more, it just came naturally. It was then I realised, if I change the way I perceived myself and STOP BEATING THE HELL OUT OF MYSELF FOR EVERY TINY THING I SAID, DID OR THINK, i come out naturally. After all we are what we think all day long.

Try to take small steps. Then when you start to see positive changes in yourself, motivation will start to creep in. In other words don't force your actions. Let it come naturally. AND FOR HEAVENS SAKE GET RID OF EVERY SINGLE EXPECTATION YOU HAVE. I deal with life successfully when I do it WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS. That is what I tell myself till today, I will do it without any expectations whatsoever. Yup till today.

DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP. YOUR LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS. Nobody can take that away from you unless you give it away. How you live your life is entirely up to you.

Take good care of your mind as it is the Central Processing Unit (CPU) that is driving your life. So do not be surprised at your decisions you have made all throughout your life. People like us are always running away. We never run towards something, instead we are so busy looking for an exit everywhere we go, we lose the meaning of life. Isn't it a wonder we are UNHAPPY?

Think about it.


[This message has been edited by samantha (edited 02-16-2001).]

Samantha,

You are wonderful! I read what you wrote and feel so much positive energy. Thanks, I love reading your posts, you make so much sense. I wish I could carry you around in my back pocket! lol Oh well, I guess I will have to do! ha ha I hope you keep sharing, it's a real blessing.

Chantal

hI unhappy:

I am sitting here wondering if maybe there is something nice you can do for yourself that would get you out of the house...something you would enjoy. Maybe even just a short trip to the public library or a cafe. I don't know what your comfort level is regarding getting out. Keep us posted. I am interested in your journey. As another poster said, I'll be glad when you feel better and you are ready to change your bulletin board name. Warm Regards, Putas

dear putas, i wasn't able to change my username from unhappy, so i logged on under my real name. i will start using it as a plus in helping be more positive. next i haven't received my program yet, but i am still praying and hopefully i will get through this soon. thanks.