It's not a bad thing of course, but I think I am a '' compulsive giver.'' I'd like to get a little insight from others and also see if there is anyone else like this. Let me explain. If there is someone in need, I immediately volunteer to help them in any way I can. I am not a person with a lot of money, but if I hear that someone needs money, I go out of my way to give them as much as I can [ now don't go gettin' any ideas ]If someone needs a ride, I give them one, even though my car is older. If someone needs a listening ear, I listen. If someone needs a babysitter, spur of the moment, I'll babysit their children for FREE. If someone is depressed, I'll visit them, write them a letter, or mail them a card of encouragement. Sometimes I am so preoccupied with helping everyone else, that I forget about my own life and problems. And my life becomes HELPING PEOPLE. I go OUT OF MY WAY to help people and tell them it was no problem. I ENJOY being like that, but sometimes I wonder if I am TOO nice [ I've been told ] OR if everyone else is just too selfish ? Perhaps a little of both. I don't know.

I also want to add this : Deep down, I wonder if I preoccupy myself with helping others partially to avoid feeling the pain of my own problems that I don't know how to deal with ?

quote:

Originally posted by becbeliever:
[qb]It's not a bad thing of course, but I think I am a '' compulsive giver.'' I'd like to get a little insight from others and also see if there is anyone else like this. Let me explain. If there is someone in need, I immediately volunteer to help them in any way I can. I am not a person with a lot of money, but if I hear that someone needs money, I go out of my way to give them as much as I can [ now don't go gettin' any ideas ]If someone needs a ride, I give them one, even though my car is older. If someone needs a listening ear, I listen. If someone needs a babysitter, spur of the moment, I'll babysit their children for FREE. If someone is depressed, I'll visit them, write them a letter, or mail them a card of encouragement. Sometimes I am so preoccupied with helping everyone else, that I forget about my own life and problems. And my life becomes HELPING PEOPLE. I go OUT OF MY WAY to help people and tell them it was no problem. I ENJOY being like that, but sometimes I wonder if I am TOO nice [ I've been told ] OR if everyone else is just too selfish ? Perhaps a little of both. I don't know.[/qb]

GUILTY. I know exactly what you are saying here and I have been a COMPULSIVE GIVER. Thanks for putting a word to the disease. Compulsive is the perfect word too. I remember trying NOT to give so much. It was painful! It was a compulsion! I know it was compulsive because I was doing it even when I didn't want to. I have more boundaries now, thank goodness.

Appreciate your insight, bec
Overbaked

I know what you mean.....I was sort of a compulsive giver...mostly to friends.i was mad at the way part of my family cut me out of their life for a year so i took it out on the rest of my family by not giving and the part of me that needed approval gave to others and did it reluctantly.

Don't we feel exhausted after we do that?....

Yeah so you guys know what I mean ... Plus people like us are always the ones being taken advantage of. I'm always getting myself into something. I feel really sad lately because there really isn't anything exciting going on in my life [ it's been this way for quite a while ] so I put all my energy into other people's lives thus forgetting about my own lack

quote:

It's not a bad thing of course, but I think I am a '' compulsive giver.''

It can be a bad thing: it can make you unhappy and it can allow you to be used, etc.

There has to be a reason why you feel the need to do this. Is it that you don't feel people would like you if you didn't give, give, give? If people only like you because you can be easily talked into giving them something, then that isn't good for either one of you. Remember, friendship is a two way street.

You must be getting something from doing this ( a pay off), or you wouldn't be doing it, right? Some things to think about: do you like the immediate attention you get from doing something for someone, does it make you feel better about yourself, etc. Looking at it from this perspective, can you see it is not about the other people, but it is in fact about you?

If you realize this then you can go about working on what is missing in your life that causes you to seek the attention, etc from doing this type of thing. I think it would make you a whole lot happier and healthier.

I'm not saying it's bad that you like to help people (there are plenty of people who should be nicer to people than they are!), but when it gets to an extreme it can be distructive and it has nothing to do with you just doing a good deed but more about your own pay off from the action.

Hope this makes sense

Learn to say NO!

Wow, that really made me think. In all honesty, I REALLY DO love to help people, but it's quite possible that maybe I AM in fact '' getting something out of it '' as well. I mean, it IS excessive. I also had this thought - I suppose if the motives were TOTALLY pure, one would give anonymously, right ? But often times, I DO give anonymously. One thing I think is definitely the case is that when I preoccupy myself with other's needs, it DOES help me to forget about the lack and the '' wounds '' in my own life. I appreciate your honesty.

quote:

Originally posted by becbeliever:
[qb]It's not a bad thing of course, but I think I am a '' compulsive giver.'' I'd like to get a little insight from others and also see if there is anyone else like this. Let me explain. If there is someone in need, I immediately volunteer to help them in any way I can. I am not a person with a lot of money, but if I hear that someone needs money, I go out of my way to give them as much as I can [ now don't go gettin' any ideas ]If someone needs a ride, I give them one, even though my car is older. If someone needs a listening ear, I listen. If someone needs a babysitter, spur of the moment, I'll babysit their children for FREE. If someone is depressed, I'll visit them, write them a letter, or mail them a card of encouragement. Sometimes I am so preoccupied with helping everyone else, that I forget about my own life and problems. And my life becomes HELPING PEOPLE. I go OUT OF MY WAY to help people and tell them it was no problem. I ENJOY being like that, but sometimes I wonder if I am TOO nice [ I've been told ] OR if everyone else is just too selfish ? Perhaps a little of both. I don't know.[/qb]

Bech,

I only have one sentance for someone like you..

"God bless you!" and again...

"May God RICHLY bless you" !

And to the others who contibuted to Bech in a negative way, I am sorry but I will have to turn the tables on all of you please forgive me

You see...Bech has a very rare gift that can only be given by God. It is the *gift of "giving"! And it is very well defined in the Scriptures!

Bech, please don't stop being this way. I STRONGLY encourage you to keep doing what you have been doing. There is SO LITTLE of this today. Our world needs ALOT more individuals like you.
As a matter of fact one way to help your own depression IMMENSELY is to help others.
In helping others you not only DECREASE much of humanities pain and suffering but you also relieve your own pain. What better therapy??

Bech, God is a God of Mercy and your gifting is very close to God. REALLY close

You are like the Good Samaritan.
This is NO compulsion.

JIMP,

WOW, thanks. That was very touching and insightful. May God richly bless you too.

Believer, you are a godsend and I am so glad I checked out your topic. In overlooking every response and every inquiry of your questions I believe it would be a good idea if you went out and got the book "Positive Peer Culture" which is by Harry Vorath and Larry Brendtro. I was in a program that used this approach to deal with certain problems and it may interest you. Keep up your way of life and your spirits and remember not to take it to far! Also learn to say no as another user had suggested. my email is thomasc1984@yahoo.com if you want to talk. God Bless!
*Josh*

Bech, I think that Josh is giving you some good advice.

There are some very profound individuals in history that really impacted those around them with the type of gifting that you have.
Mother Thereasa being one of them. She left an indelable mark.

I also can only imagine what it must feel like to help so many and then in the end, sometimes, feel used.
Consequently this would be one of the pitfalls of giving so much, but it really must hurt when it happens.
BUT, God also grants Grace for someone like yourself to help you through.
He always does.

Keep up the good work !