One thing I"ve learned in my 41 short years on this planet is that fun in life is a must. The reason I know this is because I don't have enough of it. I was raised to be totally responsible. That work always comes before play. The house had to be clean before we went shopping. The dishes had to be done before we went to bed. The yard had to be clean so the neighbors wouldn't think we were slobs. While these things are good, sometimes it's ok to just let stuff go and enjoy yourself. This time of the year is wonderful. It's getting warmer, and more people are coming out of their dungeons. But I always feel a certain sense of melancoly. Why? Because I don't know what to do to have fun. I always feel pressured to get work done when I'm not at my job. Can anyone else relate to what I'm saying? Oh I go to church on Sundays, and Wednesdays when I can. And I truly enjoy it and the people. But I can't remember when I just had fun just to have fun. I don't have any close friends and I never even visit with what family I have. They have stuff to do too. I always feel like I'm intruding. My best friend from childhood lives about 3 blocks from me. I used to go to her house, but she has a drinking problem, and I haven't seen her sober in years. I love her, but I can't stand to have a one way conversation with her. She doesn't hear anything I say because her life is so dramatic. You know how drunk people are. I am so glad I can come here and talk sometimes. It helps to just get it off my chest. Bye for now.

Hi Annette,

Were you from a military family??? I was just wondering, sounds a little like my childhood, work first, work first, maybe if there is time, play later!!! I can really relate to this. Even if you were not from a military family, this can be so stifleing, I too was raised to be a stickler when it comes to "house, yard, car, etc., has to be clean", etc. I have had to learn "how" to have fun,and if everything's not in complete "order" to let it go and have fun anyway - believe me, it has been a struggle, and I have been at this for 46 years now - (p.s., it has gotten easier this last five years along w/the program to help me along).

I guess what I'm trying to tell you here is that you have to really want to change things in your life to make them better, I started sticking my neck out a little more, and the more I did, the more I found fun in my life, sure there were some dissappointments along the way, but the accomplishments have more than made up for it. Annette, you just have to make the effort, try to have "little" expectations, keep practicing, and maybe, whallah - it could become fun for you - not only in the outcome, but in the journey.

Wishing you the best!!!

No I didn't come from a military family, but my mom and dad both came from farm work. They each worked as children. My dad was very strict and hard working, but he was fanatic about everything. He felt like everything we did was a reflection on him. He never could just accept that me and my brother were just not going to be exactly like him. I love him very much, but I could see as a young child that my life had to break the cycle of so much negativity. But you are right, we each are responsible for our own lives. I just need to find which path to take to make my destiny a little more interesting. I dont' want my tombstone to say, "Boy, she sure was responsible. What did she do for fun?" Anyway, thanks for the reply. Annette

Annette,

I grew up in a very large household and I was the first out of 6 siblings. Our house was on the small side and our house became cluttered very quickly and I was embarrassed at the way our house looked especially during my teen years and the years when I brought friends over.
Because of this, I have worked especially hard to be the opposite and I am very much a "neat freak". My house is pretty much always clean and sometimes I leave a few things for later; but I have (over the years) found it more helpful to clean my house later at night when my children go to bed. I wake up to a clean house and I have the entire day to do whatever I want.
It's so much less stressful that way and it's something I adopted during the years my husband was in the military.

I have managed to make time for "fun" but I have to try and find things that are fun.
It's almost like I have forgotton how.

Maybe this would be a good place to ask for suggestions on having fun!!

Hi Annette,
I know exactly how you're feeling. I was brought up the same way, but it was my mom who couldn't do anything until her house was clean, dinner was made, bills paid, etc. She's still like that, I'm sure she has anxiety. She can't sit still. Even when my kids want her to sit with them or play it is hard. I remember her not really playing with us or reading to us and I told myself when I had children I would not be like that. Good thing I met my husband, because he has taught me how to enjoy life and not take things too seriously. I've just had to take a different approach to things, like does it really matter if the dishes aren't done before bed, and does it really matter what people think of you because of how your house or yard looks, like Lucinda says, if you have to work that hard to make someone like you it's not worth it. Once I had my children ages (9,5,&4) I am like a kid again myself and sometimes when I think I should do some laundry or cleaning first, I think to myself, my kids are not going to remember how clean the house was or if there was laundry waiting to be done, they will remember that I played with them and spent alot of time with them. Does your community have different things to try, like taking a class for a hobby you like...you could also meet new people at something like that. Try making a list of all the things that you like or that bring you joy and then think of different ways to implement them into your life in a fun way. If I feel like I need to let go, I'll turn on some really good dance music and just let loose. I also like to learn new dances, it's fun and exhilarating!! Try to remember work does not have to come before play, that was just something your family did, it doesn't mean that that is the way life is suppose to be, so let loose and go have some fun!! Life is too short to just work, work, work, all the time. Enjoy yourself!! Journaling usually works when trying to find answers and maybe it could help you discover what things would be fun for you. Take care and God Bless!
Dana