Did anyone else have trouble finding out your secondary gains? I'm having a hard time pinpointing what mine are.

Thanks
AnnieG

I surely do. I have never been able to figure out what I could possibly get out of this condition. Sometimes I think maybe my secondary gain is I don't have to hold down a serious job, but I don't have to hold down a serious job anyway if I don't want to because my husband makes decent money, so I don't think that is it. I do know that I am fearful of having people count on me, like I am afraid of letting them down...is that a secondary gain? who knows? Anyway, I am not convinced that it's all that important to figure it out anyway...I think changing your thinking takes care of the problem eventually anyway...At least I hope it does!

K

I am not on that lesson yet( secondary gains). But I have been thinking about it a lot aready. I am afraid of having anyone rely on me, afraid of jobs, commitments, school, and even independance. Still, I always thought that that was because of the anxiety, not for it. I didn't have a great childhood, infact it was in a lot of ways short lived, and I often feel that I missed out. Sometimes I wonder if the anxiety disorder isn't a way to remain a child. Then again, my childhood wouldn't have been all that bad if it wasn't for the anxiety, so who knows.

It has taken me a long time to realize what my secondary gains are. I first bought this program in 1999. I have been through it several times. The secondary gains have become clear to me when I have caught myself thinking certain thoughts. I have had a couple of realizations this spring. One was on a day when I was "helping" my husband by telling him exactly what to do. He was a bit impatient with me, and I caught myself thinking, "He shouldn't talk to me like that because I have anxiety." AHA!

I have had a few of these realizations over the last couple of years. If you listen to what you are saying in your head, you will begin to hear the reasons. I had to be really patient. At first, I did not get how I could be inviting this suffering. It seemed so outrageous that I would do anything to bring such misery on myself.

Good luck and be patient!
Julie