Last night my husband and I had a very indepth conversation about our lives. We have been together for 16 years (I am 32) and I always describe us as "soul mates" if you will. We are happy...we rush home to be with each other...we enjoy staying home, being together, doing things around the yard, etc. We spoke about how at this time we seem to be stagnant, bored, ho hum. We ride in a motorcycle club so in the summer months we are very active but for the other times of the year, I go to work and I come home. If I am on the Klonopin (which I currently am) I am drowsy around 8:30. That cannot be very much fun for him to have me fall asleep on the couch shortly after I arrive home.

So I read my "Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" and figured out that my anxiety is described as "compiled anxiety" - years of everything backed up inside of me. Perhaps some repressed anger even. We hardly even argue because we have decided that it usually isn't worth it. We can disagree on things but it rarely goes any further than that.

So I told him that according to the book and the Attacking Anxiety program I have to make some changes. I need to get in more deep breathing and more exercise. I am seriously thinking about trying to somehow fit meditation into my day. So often I arrive home to three excited dogs, dinner on the table, and the TV blaring. I am pleased that he worked so hard to create that wonderful meal for me (along with having the kitchen cleaned up) yet all I would really like to have is a moment of peace and quiet. I am not yet sure how to achieve this for myself. I asked him what he would think if I were to come home from work, eat dinner and then leave for an hour bike ride. He said he wouldn't mind if I did that. I feel sort of neglectful if I were to do it though. The dogs and he have waited for me to arrive for ten hours only to have me leave again so I can get in some exercise or some quiet time or whatever you would like to call it.

He even shared that he too feels that way sometimes. He says whenever he is away, I am on his mind constantly and he always feels that he is in a rush to get home. We asked each other what are we rushing home to and all we could answer was "to sit on the couch together." Quality time? I don't know. I told him I guess I am going to have to come home, put the pitbull on the leash and take her for a walk, return for the male rottweiler and take him out and throw the tennis ball (he came from a rottweiler rescue and is frightened of the road), return one more time and load my 12 year old rottweiler into my truck and drive her up and down the road for a moment. These are things that would please me and are very do-able. Do I have the courage to change?

Shawn. It was a much needed discussion - apparently I needed to get all of this out.

Shawn

I am so jealous of your relationship w/Mr. Perfect!!! And yes, you can do it. Remember that if we are to give love to others (including dogs, I have 2) that we must take care of ourselves first or anything we do will end up making us feel resentful in some way. Can you go out for a walk alone in the morning before work? There always is a way if there is a will and you got it!

Take care -Silvana

How wonderful that you were able to share these thoughts with your husband. I too am very fortunate that my hubby & I share a very close relationship. He has been a God-send for me during some very trying times. Doing for yourself is the greatest gift you can give both to yourself and your husband. Good luck! And happy running. Judy
p.s. I have 3 great dogs too.

Hi Briggslady,
Wow! It sounds like you and your husband have a wonderful and loving relationship. I envy you. It must be so comforting to have someone love you and care about you so much Treasure him as I know you will. I think that whatever you can do to better yourself you will be only be making your relationship with your husband stronger.
Blessings
Kimberlee