I used to find this lesson hard as I'm sure most of us did that is why this post is here. Some of it took me getting totally better to actually realize the gains I was getting by staying anxious. Here are some of the ones I could think of.

Not making decisions ~ pay off here was not feeling disappointed when no one wanted to do my idea (negative thought right there never even gave them the chance and they might have said yes). It was also payment in case it didn't go well, then it wasn't my idea and therefore not my fault. The bad part about that is I never got to do what I really wanted to do because I never spoke up.

Staying anxious in general ~ pay off for this was, like most people said, staying in my "safe place" I hated the feeling but at least I could be home feeling that way. The payment on that was I didn't get to experience all the things other people were experiencing. Now I feel the fear and do it anyway...I'm never disappointed when I do that...where as before if I stayed home I was and jealous over the people who went. See a disappointed pattern here? haha

Health obsessions ~ pay off here was keeping my mind off anything that was bothering me. I was so focused on aches, pains, whatever to bother. Payment for that was me not living life...and worrying so much I was making these pains happen.

I spent a lot of my anxious years using that as an excuse not to be able to do things with the payoff of people doing things for me. I was driven places...I made people come with me to places or call other people for me. What it did was limit my life. If no one could go with me, I simply wouldn't go...all the things I missed out on...its sad. I try not to think about those times anymore. Earlier this year I had a breakthrough that I posted about. I saw a meditation class I really wanted to go to and because anxiety is such a habit and going to this class made me nervous I started to think on who I could con to go with me. I knew better than to do that now since I graduated the program years ago. I signed up all by myself and didn't even ask one person to go with me. I went to all 8 classes (8 weeks) all by myself and I was never so proud of myself in my entire life. Staying anxious may seem like it has some rewards, but it truly doesn't. I wish everyone the best.

This is going to sound hilarious but its true,
ONe of my payoffs i still use,, I can get anyone, including my husband around this town of 130,000 people in a car with every hitting a stop light!!! lol
It was one of things i memorized when i began driving again. Trust me, there are times when even HE doesnt like hitting stop lights on every corner if he is in a hurry!!! lol

WoW! You all have such excellent points to share...wonderful work people! I hope every single person going through the program reads this thread-thanks all you wise teachers.

For me the bottom line lesson is: Pay now OR pay later with interest. A bit of anxiety/body symptoms now is more manageable than the anxiety after weeks of putting off dealing with our "stuff."

Love to all, Carolyn

Health: The Ultimate Payoff

Few people want to be thrown into the category of unmerciful or uncaring. We subconsciously know this and our symptoms rise, while our doctors search for the rarest of pestilence.

Health complaints build an invisible wall that many, even close friends, will not challenge. We find safe harbor from our hated enemy, action, never knowing that with each movement we drift further from the truth.

As Sherlock Holmes would say, “Eliminate all other factors, and the one which remains must be the truth.” Once we have the results, accept it, remember the symptoms, label it for what it is and move on.

This payoff steals from our ability the enjoy life, as our symptoms are real but the tests prove otherwise.

Right !!!

I re-went through lesson 12 tonight .It all makes sense to me.

This lesson was huge for me...I remember the first time I listened to it I was in my car...low and behold, guess who had a panic attack? Me!!!!! I didnt want to look at what I was "gaining" my secondary gain so to speak from being anxious and agoraphobic..I now know I was using it to avoid most everything I felt I had failed at. I really understand the name of the chapter now, The Courage To Change, because this is whats this is all about, CHANGE I will share when and how I knew I was still holding onto anxiety..Just recently I was driving to a job interview, and for anyone who has talked to me knows driving has been something I work on daily...I am still doing well...well to be honest and I wasnt I didnt want to take this job, I knew I wasnt going to like it...I didnt want to dissapoint my husband, so I went along with it...guess what? I had awful panic while I was driving..I thought ...Im going to be honest I dont want this job..all the panic left me right away. What I took from the whole experience? I use panic when I want to avoid things, and rather than being honest I was still people pleasing.I know this lesson ranks at one of the top hardest and really for good reason, I am still working on looking at my gains from anxiety, If I can give one bit of advice..Never Give Up!!!

Wow, ok CAROLYN, lol - here it goes:

My PAYOFF - 1st time I listened to it I thought "I don't get any" well, of course you guys at MWC are right. I listened to it again, & again, & again. lol. My big thing, were the experiences fr my past/childhood & forgiving / letting go. Prior to therapy when anxiety triggered, I was verrrrry angry, resentful, & in such emotional pain. I went thru 20 mths of intensive therapy B/4 DOING THE PROGRAM. THEN IT HIT ME.

Yes, I had to resolve all those events in therapy. Yes, what happened was tragic & cumulative. However, @ what point do you stop blaming THEM & look at yourself? The life I have-NOW, is the 1 I MAKE- the 1 I create for myself. I continued to point the finger at them, cause I wanted someone to blame for where I was at now. Not that where I am at now is bad, its not. But, by blaming my biological family, I didn't have to face myself - I was not responsible. By me facing myself now, & not pointing the finger at them, I AM NOW RESPONSIBLE FOR ME. Make sense????

That was 1 of my biggest A HA MOMENTS on my journey - big time.

LENORE