anyone, i need some help here. i'm listening to tape 12 about secondary gains
and it is all about me. i know i'm afraid of change, i have always said that. people will expect too much of me and i won't be able to deliver. i really think now after listening to this tape so long that i am a
fraidy cat. i am afraid of conflict, faillure, change, and this is so confusing.
I have gone from having a few panic attacks
a week to having them daily, and more than once a day. And it is at places where i have always felt comfortable. i can't believe i am gainingsomething from these attacks. I have gone my whole life handling
great stress and bad expereinces and all of a sudden i am the anxiety queen. And the past year have been some of the greatest times of my life. I have met a wonderful
man a year ago and we are just perfect together. we comment about that all the time.
my kids are in college and doing great.
i have been promoted at work and ok that is a real source of stress and anxiety but i have always been able to deal with it before without the attacks. now i seem to have them wherever i go , whatever i do. what the heck is going on. today at work my heart was pounding so hard for about two hours i couldn't get it to stop. the breathing wasn't working. I have been trying somany new things with my guy and i love all of them. but now that i am gettin so many attacks, thats all that seems to be on my mind. as soon as i have something to do or somewhere to go it immediately pops into my head "oh god am i going to have a panic attack on the way there orwhen i get there" . How do i get this to stop. i know i want to control my thoughts but they seem to be controlling me. help. flowergirl.

Check your attitude. Do you want it to be: Oh god, am I going to have a panic attack on the way there or when I get there? Or do you want it to be: I'm feeling a bit nervous, but that's okay. I like myself and support myself and if I have to I will leave because I am just as important as my boyfriend, or anyone else. I will meet my needs wherever, whenever, with whoever, and however. Not that I am selfish or pompous, but because I respect myself and my life and happiness and comfort are important. Period.

This one throws many of us for a loop. Shrinks love the "Secondary Gain" theory. I think it is BS because I think hear so many shrinks insinuate that we have panic attacks to get out of doing stuff. If that were true why do we want to get better.

Soooo, I settled for the secondary gain being that I wasn't listening to my body sending me signals to slow down so it slowed me down with panic attacks.

The problem with that theory is that we do slow down to doing practically nothing and get stuck in the totally opposite extreme.

Remember, if you don't get something...don't get stuck and not move forward. I'm sure there were other ideas on the program that you didn't get right away.

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Don't take anything personally.
Always be impecable with your word.
Don't assume anything.
Always do your best!

thank you all for your insight and thoughts. i need to practice, practice, my skills.
i also need to ask God for a little more help here. i also need to learn baby steps.
thats a hard one for me. but i am going to be in control no matter how long it takes.
thanks again. flowergirl

I agree with grateful.

quote:

I believe it's "What are we getting out of holding onto our anxiety?" that keeps us from moving forward.

I mean think about it....if you actually heal from this anxiety, then what would be have to expect from ourselves?

For me, I know that having anxiety attacks allows me to back out of anything I feel is too threatening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And have a legitamate excuse???? Not really....not anymore anyways!! LOL

I realize now that I must do things in life, like face my fears even when I don't feel like it. Avoidance only feeds the fear, so why not battle it by facing up to life as it is. Risking failure and accepting the fact that IT'S OK to fail at something!! To risk change and be open to new experiences NO MATTER how they make us feel.

I can totally relate to this one.