This afternoon I'm heading out to drive out of state to a conference, where I'll be staying at a hotel, with a roommate, for a couple of days to present some research findings to a rather large group of people.

Talk about a batch of practice opportunities at once! Whew

I should have internet access while I'm there - courtesy of a laptop. I've packed enough stuff to last me a two-month ocean voyage (relaxation tape, reading material, logic puzzles, tylenol, antacids, chamomile tea, even my yoga mat so's I can destress properly in the evenings), but hey - whatever it takes to take care of myself and feel good about the trip! I can always pare down next time.

Wish me luck... and I'll keep you all posted!

WayStone

Waystone - Sending you a BIG HIGH-FIVE!!!

You don't need any luck either - you have what it takes inside of yourself to make this a trip a huge success!!!

Can't wait to hear a not good, but GREAT report.

Take care,
Calico

Wow! How far you have come! Be proud. I wish you the best of luck but I do not think that you will need it. Let us know how things go. God Bless.
Lora

Way to go, Waystone!!! I hope the weather is nice enough on your trip that you can roll down the windows and let the breeze whip through your hair! Hope you have a great trip and I know we'll all be looking forward to hearing about your successes when you return home.

Take care!

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Mountaingirl
come forth into the light of things ~ let nature be your teacher. William Wordsworth

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...........WAYSTONE!!!!!!!!!
Sounds like you are well equipped!
You're in my thoughts-
Diane

quote:

Originally posted by WayStone:
This afternoon I'm heading out to drive out of state to a conference, where I'll be staying at a hotel, with a roommate, for a couple of days to present some research findings to a rather large group of people.

Talk about a batch of practice opportunities at once! Whew

I should have internet access while I'm there - courtesy of a laptop. I've packed enough stuff to last me a two-month ocean voyage (relaxation tape, reading material, logic puzzles, tylenol, antacids, chamomile tea, even my yoga mat so's I can destress properly in the evenings), but hey - whatever it takes to take care of myself and feel good about the trip! I can always pare down next time.

Wish me luck... and I'll keep you all posted!

WayStone

Hi Waystone:

I wish you the best of luck on your journey -I recently went out of town for training for a week and did just fine - I know you will too! Brought all my MWC stuff with me too - didn't have time to use any of it except for the relaxation tape - it worked wonders for me! Have a great time!!!

Waystone! You sound like you got it goin'on! You are sooo prepared! That's great! I wish you much success. I am proud of your courage. Tammy

Hey all!

Thanks so much for the wonderful, encouraging repiles. It was so nice to log in and read it all, and just at a time when I needed a bit of a boost, too. And now, an update from the front:

Yesterday and last night were marvelous; I arrived, checked in, did the conference route, was cheerfully assertive with hotel staff when the guest dryer broke down with my nightgown still wet (went to the front desk, and two clerks and a knock on my door later I was handed my now-dry and neatly folded nightgown, compliments of housekeeping, where only a couple of months ago I probably would have just said nothing and watched the thing drip dry half the night.. ), and didn't even need the relaxation tape to chill for bed and sleep.

What an awesome feeling

Tonight, though, is a different story. I made a few less-than-optimal choices today; had sugary soda with caffeine in it at lunch, allowed other nervous presenters to worry aloud to me a bit too much, sympathized a bit too much with the conference organizers as a comedy of errors unfolded (projectors breaking down, keynote speaker late and then not doing the topic she'd been asked to, stuff like that), sat near someone who'd brought along children far too young for such an event, and who then proceeded to snap at them while they whined and pestered. The result? Tonight I feel worse than I have in rather a long time - queasy and trembly, and with thirty thousand scary/obsessive thoughts just waiting to pounce.

I've been doing well with it - just finished doing both some Yoga and the relaxation tape, actually /told/ my companions why I wasn't having supper rather than covering it up (gosh, that felt good), have been writing positive thoughts replacement as quick as the pen can crank 'em out. I'm here because I want to be, after all, not because I have to be. And reminding myself I could leave and go home any time, but I choose to stay, that that's a cool and incredible thing.

Does anyone have any thoughts, on what the secondary gain may be for having a soda just when it's the worst timing - middle of an already stressful day when I'm away from home - when usually I don't even touch the stuff? Because I do still do that - small little sabotauges that I have the skills to deal more effectively with when they do happen, but still...

Welp, time for bed. And, to find some sort of moral to make having read all this, worth your time

Hmmm.. I know. See, everyone who's at the point where it's time to stretch those comfort limits and is avoiding doing so? It can be done. And you don't have to be perfect about it, either. Just, give it a try. You won't be sorry. And this, is coming from someone who's in the midst of a rather impressive anxious episode even whilst I type. So I know what I'm talking about. So there.

And now, to bed. Tomorrow's another day!

WayStone

Hi Waystone! Congratulations on all of the positives. Sounds like you are doing well. Doesn't it feel good?

As for the sugary soda thing -- I, too wish I understood that one. I did something similar about a month or so ago and wondered the same thing. I had coffee (decaf) and a sweet roll in the morning before having to faciliate an all-day meeting. Man did I feel lousy! I couldn't figure out a "secondary gain" for that silly move. For me it seemed like I just wanted to be like everyone else. All of my committee members were having sweet, sticky pastries -- why couldn't I have one too? It seemed like a combination of "I just want to be like everyone else" and "I just want to be like I used to be." I paid the price and realized that I'm not like everyone else and maybe I really don't want to be like I used to be. It was a wake up call. Maybe you were having the same experience? Its almost like we are feeling so good that we want to "test" ourselves. I don't know -- just some thoughts.

Hang in there and stay positive. You are going to feel so good about yourself as you are driving home. I hope you have lots of smiles and giggles. This will be a biggie. You made the trip, you did well, you survived an anxious moment, and you will realize that you can tackle anything. Way to go!!!! Congratulations.


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Mountaingirl
come forth into the light of things ~ let nature be your teacher. William Wordsworth

Way, I can totally relate to your post. I think I have a strong rebelous nature and I do the opposite of what I know I should too sometimes, but maybe there is something more deep behind it. I will start to feel some old familiar fears and there are times that I do something stupid..like get a big greasy burger and a caffeinated soda...maybe subconcously I am having the bad time, but run for something I can blame it on..kinda takes the responsibility off me.

Also, this very topic..the courage to change, is a big issue. I have done something so comfortably, like walk into a large stadium and sit through the entire game with no episodes..that that can cause me a panic attack as I realize it. I am so used to living in such a high protection state, always sparing myself fear and walking on egg shells..then you put yoorself out there and take a risk...it feels like letting go and this can take on a false feeling of putting yourself in harm's way..because everything used to feel like you where in harm's way!

I never got this lesson, until I progressed further in the program. I would think, "NO ONE WANTS TO BE THIS WAY!". This lesson is about walking outside your comfort zone, taking risks and putting yourself through things that will be anxiety producing and sometimes downright scary. You go to a hotel and you lose some of the control you have in your own home and it is unfamiliar and that will cause some fears to rise.

Sometimes my mind goes back to a time when things were just there and you did them and that feels great, but other times it goes to that place where things are more challenging and avoiding was a way of life....it is like a set of scales in my head that I constantly have to rebalance. This is exhausting and yet so necessary to get where I want to be....kind of a double edged sword. Stay the same and have the anxiety of not fully living, make a change and take risks and have the anxiety of changing. You have to do the second choice, but it feels scary to put yourself out there and even scarier when it makes you feel even more anxious at times.

You are doing so great and making such wonderful progress. So what..you had a few minor fears come up and you had a few body symptoms, but you are okay. People without any problems with anxiety, still get anxious and get overwhelmed..it is a part of normal living. My daughter at home was in highly hyper mode one weekend recently and she was whining and getting into everything. She was tormenting her brothers and just simply causing chaos for hour upon hour. I became very impatient and anxious. I thought that the program wasn't helping as it should and I was not succssful at using my skills, until I told my therapist and he said to me that that would get on ANYONE"S nerves, panic disorder or not. I have to often remind myself that anxiety and feeling down are part of anyone's life to a certain degree.

Hi Waystone:

I'm so glad for you - doesn't it feel great to be meeting those challenges head on !!!

With regard to the soda episode, don't beat yourself up over that - When I am feeling anxious, I sometimes indulge in coffee or sweets (knowing the consequences), I think I do it because it comforts me at the present moment, and that I feel some degree of comfort in something familiar that I have been denying myself. You'll get back on track with this, don't worry.

Be proud of yourself Waystone, you are to be congratulated for getting out there and participating in life, for bravely facing your anxieties - you are a winner!!!

Waystone,
You sound great!!! Even with the bad night, you still were able to see it, see the choices, see what triggered it, etc.etc. Man you really did fantastic. Doing that over and over and over again consistently is exactly what makes it starve, shrivel and disappear. You were even able to stop and ask yourself the toughest question of the entire program!!!! The Secondary Gain Question!!!!! I can't get over how well you did with this trip. One of my secondary gains for "sugary stuff" (which only I paid the price for) was to know that I could blame the sugar if I wasn't feeling well later. It was a little cop out on days I didn't feel like being responsible for my own mood. Soda is a no no for me. Some people might think "Oh my God, you mean I can't drink SODA?" No, I said "I" can't drink soda. Well, I can if I want to feel miserable or I can reach for the 7 other million beverage choices in America and feel wonderful. It's a choice. Now listen, when you get home, you are going to feel a drain on your body. Be real nice to yourself the first couple of days. Pamper yourself and just tell yourself what a GREAT job you did. And you REALLY did.

Way - I love your attitude! I can relate to all that and a bag of chips! Yeah, that is so crazy that just when you know the last thing you need at that moment is a little zip from sugar or caffiene... what do we do? Like it's not gonna have the usual effect just this once. HA! Ya gotta laugh at how funny we are sometimes. Good thing it's just anxiety and nervousness that will eventually go away... and leave us with another opportunity to GET IT RIGHT. Ha ha
So proud of you and inspired by your post. Tammy

Waystone,

What an amazing role model and inspiration you are to me - all of us! Your spunk and spirit have given me hope in what has been an awful two weeks of growth spurts. As for the soda - I would agree that I too get frustrated when I can't have what everyone else is having and then I pay for it later! Okay - so a little slip up - you are still my hero!

Take good care,

Wendy

Dear Waystone,
This has really been an inspiring thread!
I have to say that what you did that struck me the most was you honesty re: not going out for supper w/your companions. That must have felt sooo good. Very courageous!
Everything you did was great and you handled ALL of it!
I don't even think the soda was a big deal- Lucinda even has said we can still have things in moderation.
I see an admirable balancing act!
Congrats!
Diane

quote:

Originally posted by WayStone:
This afternoon I'm heading out to drive out of state to a conference, where I'll be staying at a hotel, with a roommate, for a couple of days to present some research findings to a rather large group of people.

Talk about a batch of practice opportunities at once! Whew

I should have internet access while I'm there - courtesy of a laptop. I've packed enough stuff to last me a two-month ocean voyage (relaxation tape, reading material, logic puzzles, tylenol, antacids, chamomile tea, even my yoga mat so's I can destress properly in the evenings), but hey - whatever it takes to take care of myself and feel good about the trip! I can always pare down next time.

Wish me luck... and I'll keep you all posted!

WayStone