I just started lesson 12 tonight. This is my 2nd time around with 3 years peace in between. This time around my fear of death is overwhelming and sometimes obsessive...I don't know why maybe because I'm getting older...who knows. Anyway, I know the anxiety better this time around than I did the first time so I know that it is holding me back from doing things. Anyone else afraid to get better because they will start accomplishing things they've always wanted and in turn maybe life will be shorter. Does this make any sense at all? There are several things I want to do before I die...I have a fear if I set out and do them...then well...I'll die. I know its rediculous but it seems to be stuck in my head. Am I alone in this?

That doesn't sound strange at all. I don't have that one in particular but it sounds like some logic that could go on in my brain. LOL

I have a thing right now that I should just sell everything and move into a very low income house because then it is my choice and I don't have to worry about failing any more.

Just go ahead and move on into that cardboard box by choice before life does it to me, you know?

It's funny how we torture ourselves.

I bet for you that if you do the things that you always wanted to do you'll live longer though!! Because you'll be less stressed and more fulfilled. Just my two cents.

Thanks Faith I needed to hear that.

Cranberry,

I know loss hurts but the pain of that risk is nothing compared to the pain of keeping yourself in a prison of your own making.

I'm working through not letting myself stay separated from the world. I do it in a different way though. I leave my house physically, but tend to dissociate when I get nervous. We're working on risking being present for even the things that make me nervous. And the firt two or three weeks felt horrible like I was so exposed. But then a funny thing happened this week. The anxiety has turned to excitement at trying something else and every time I risk and make it, I'm more confident and secure to try something else.

I still have anxiety but it's getting less, and I know that I'm trying to work towards living again.

I don't know if I could have done this without my counselor or not, but slowly the shackles are getting smaller.

I know abuse is terrible. I saw my share of people being thrown around the room and my stepfather almost killing my brother, as well as a few incidences of being molested myself, along with being forced to stay in my room alone every night except for dinner for 6 years of my life. I have had experiences with a knife held to my throat and another with a gun held to my head.

I can't compare my pain to yours because we have all had our share of things, but I am here to tell you that even though you had a hard time, healing is possible. I have had several years of counseling myself and I was helped some by it. I have given up numerous times.

However now I'm really ready for change and this counselor is touching on something that I've never experienced before. We have talked about my dissociation because I developed the ability to do that because of things that happened. I live a good part of myself feeling like a third party watching in making sure that everythign is safe and that I dont' say or do the wrong thing. I have had the strange experience this past week of seeing that "child" inside my head standing on the other side of a dark chasm holding out her hand for help. I know this sounds extremely bizarre and it's all inside my head. . .so it is hard to explain. But, with his help, I'm reaching out to her to let her know that it's OK now. I'm in a safe place and we're working together to let me really feal where I'm at and stop trying to protect myself when the danger is really over.

The question is, are you in a safe place now? I don't know your current situation but if you look around at those that you live with and where you live and try to look at it as an outsider looking in. . . are you safe? If so then hopefully you can begin to believe that from your core, and start to trust yourself to become a part of your world again.

I hope this helps and doesn't sound too strange but I have to believe that nobody is beyond help. You never know, just because 10 years with one counselor didn't help doesn't mean that another one using different techniques can't help you.

Take care and keep us posted. We're here for you.

Well I wish I got here sooner so I could have read what you wrote, cranberry, but I totally understand you wanting things to be private. All I can offer you is a big ole (((HUG))) for whatever it is that you said.

Danielle Steel is housebound???? WOW

Hi EVeryone,
I started this in the beginning of Nov, I am on the second disc and the funny thing is that I got to test the 6 steps going through a very anxious time with my family. The steps really did help me work my way through the situation. I am still working in the work book and soon will be beginning Disc three. So far it has been great and very powerful.
However trying to figure out this website has just about drove me crazy, I was not born in the computer age and I find the computer so frustrating. Thanks for listening. I still am not sure if I have it right.

quote:

Anyone else afraid to get better because they will start accomplishing things they've always wanted and in turn maybe life will be shorter. Does this make any sense at all? There are several things I want to do before I die...I have a fear if I set out and do them...then well...I'll die.

I have a chronic illness that can be deadly. I am not saying this to scare anyone, but only to let you know that NO matter what, FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS.

I have kept a positive attitude towards my illness, I have read many books on nutrition, did this program, had CBT and EMDR, see and TRUST my doctors, so I cannot stop living. I am doing everything possible to keep myself as healthy as I can be. I have days I am so tired, others days are pretty good. I cannot let this stop me from living, I cannot sit at home, cowering in fear. This is NO way to live my life. I am still able to walk, talk, think, breathe, hear, see...I AM STILL ABLE and this is key! So as long as I can, I am gonna live, love, learn, experience, see, do and NOT hide. It is your choice, it is all in the way you percieve your situation. My Nana has had cancer 4 times. Her first bout was in her 40's and she now at 83 underwent another cancer surgery, and she is NOT giving up. She is tired, but very determined to get her life back. There are things that will happen that we have NO control over, but we do have the ultimate control over how we react and move forward, you in essence are the key in either living or cowering in fear. Plus, for me, my faith has really brought me through this all. My faith has kept me in a calm and hopeful that I will be just fine,.

Take care! LizB

Danielle Steel is housebound... and Steven King is afraid of small enclosed spaces....so he has his wife lock him in his closet until he freaks out and writes scary novels...or thats what I heard from a neighbor of his. I was thinking we should order them the program but I am sure lots of ppl would hate me for that....

i am still weird lol....but i do not think you will die if you get better and do things you have wanted to do all your life. life is about you and happiness.and feeling good about yourself. go and do things that are there for you...be happy for once in your life .. and if you missed doing something before go back and accomplish it...
and you can out run anxiety if you wear the right kind of attitude.....and you can beat it to the finish line...come in 1st place and get the ribbon and the gold metal...and niki s not the owner of the running shoes....you designed them and they are a perfect fit. hope this makes sense to some. and if it don't then a good laff. lol... have a wonderful week...and remember you might only pass this way once. and if you are lucky to pass this way again.. wave as you go by....GOD BLESS...
don

donp- sure makes sense and poetic too.

For my two cents- dream and follow no matter how many minutes we have left on this particular plane.

I have had the same thought before...but I am older than probably all of you and find that I regret the same thing I regreted when I was 25...my point-Just do it--or you might be 62 and still regreting it. HA! I think I'll retire so I can fit it in.

Be wise youngsters, Carolyn