Something I was reading I thought I would share:

From Scott Peck's book FURTHER ALONG THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED

Mature mental health demands the ability to be flexible. We must be able to continually strike-and restrike-a delicate balance among conflicting needs, goals, duties, and responsibilities. The essence of this discipline of balancing is unlearning and "giving up" something in ourselves in order to consider new information. While it may seem strange to choose stagnation over flexibility in order to avoid the pain of giving up parts of the self, it is understandable given the depth of emotional pain that may be involved in doing so. In its major forms, giving up is the most painful of human experiences. When giving up parts of ourselves entails giving up personality traits, well-established and learned patterns of behavior, ideologies, and even whole lifestyles, the pain can be excruciating. Yet these major forms of giving up are required if one is to travel very far on the journey of life toward ever-increasing maturity and spiritual growth. As with any giving up, the biggest fear is that one will be left totally empty. This is the existential fear of nothingness, of being nothing. But while any change from one way to another represents a death of the old way, it also makes room for the birth of a new one.

I remind myself that we are all trying to grow and mature at a rate we can tolerate. Like Peck states, the pain can be excruciating. Change is hard at any level. One time, because of an incident at my usual grocery store, I decided to switch grocers. I found myself walking thru the isles longing for the familiar and "mindless" shopping I had at my old store. When I realized how effected was I laughed. Surely I had faced bigger transitions in my life than trading wholesalers! But we are only human. It's always a surprise to me what will get my attention. More often, it is the loss of small, everyday comforts/pleasures that I grieve the most.

Be kind to yourself thru change. You will get further more comfortably.

Tammy

Tammy
Very good article, and I find it to be so true.
Sander

Hi Tammy! Interesting excerpt on change. It is amazing sometimes how we can hold on to bad habits, destructive behaviors, negative thoughts just because it feels familiar. I found this "courage to change" concept the most difficult to master since I had been practicing the same negative behaviors for so long. I remember thinking to myself, "If I'm not anxious, what will I be?" An unusual thought for someone who hasn't battled anxiety problems but I think it is a real question we must deal with in order to recover. When we struggle with anxiety problems, we seem to need the world to be somewhat unchanging. We need things to be predictable in order for us to be able to handle the anxiety. To allow for change means we must allow for the unexpected. Spontaneity can be freightening. Yet it can also be so exhilarating!

I too have found myself lamenting the loss of something old even when it really wasn't that big of a deal. Change doesn't have to be bad to cause anxiety and fear. Yet what a great practice opportunity to make a change, however small, feel the anxiety build, analyze why you are anxious, and then laugh at the silliness of it all!

Thanks for sharing, Tammy.
Pam

P.S. Sorry to hear that your Browns didn't make it any further in the playoffs. Of course, my Packers got beat in the cold at Lambeau field! What's up with that??!!!!

Pam
Thanks for your sympathy regarding the Browns. And I was thinking the Packers had a good shot at it. Ya never know. And I should know about getting beat on our own terf. It's like we couldn't win a game at home this season. And to get beat by the Steelers! Help me!! But I was so proud of the way they played. They left it all on the field. They gave it their all. Ya gotta love that!

Better luck next year. My neighbor is a Green Bay fan -- so we'd like to see the Packers vs Browns next year Superbowl. Stranger things have happened!

And back to the thread, I also remember thinking "what do I do if I don't have anxiety?" Yes I wanted desperately to get rid of it, but what to replace it with???? Like breaking up with a boyfriend, I wanted to know if I had another guy lined up to fill the void. If not, I guess a bad relationship was better than none. The healthy replacements are out there if we look. It's just that the "bad" is so available and handy. Why wait?

Thanks for your reply
Tammy

Great post, Tammy.

I recently read that the pain we feel is not from the change itself but from the resistance to that change. It's amazing if we let go of the resistance how much more free we feel. Allowing resistance helps us to let go of it. It'll pass through like any other emotion.

Thank you so much.
Bon

Tammy, I like your boyfriend analogy. It made me think, too, of the number of times I have gotten frustrated with myself because I have thrown out one "boyfriend" and immediately started looking for another that was very similar. The healthy replacements are out there but we also have to remember to be aware of the patterns. This is really on my mind this morning since I caught myself going back to an old familiar habit of trying to plan out a meeting with an old friend way before it ever happens. How will I act? What will I say? As soon as I started thinking this way I felt my chest start to tighten up and my breathing became really shallow.

As I read Bon's posting, I thought about what I was doing and made myself stop that line of thinking. Its almost as if the resistance to change can be conscious as well as subconscious and it takes lots of practice to identify the patterns and then release the old. And then when the old is released, instead of fearing what will come, we have to embrace the possibilities. My friend is coming to visit. We haven't see each other in almost two years. Embrace what comes naturally and don't long for a scripted meeting. Being in the present moment doesn't allow us to long for the old, familiar, and often negative. That's what its really all about, isn't it? Being present! Living in the moment!

And Bon, your posting for some reason reminded me of a quote from a favorite book, Illusions, by Richard Bach. The quote is, "In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice." Just think of the number of words we could substitute for "boredom." Anxiety, perfection, control, etc. Thanks for this posting, guys. Have a great day!

Bon and Mountaingirl
Good insights. Bon you said "allow the resistence"... and that is true. We can resist the resistence. Change in the past usually brought me disappointment. So I resisted change in order to avoid the pain of disappointment. Now I can see that my rigig expectations of the situations were the cause of disappointment. I could not budge on my ideals. I resisted. Which was painful, too. Now I know I am resisting, but I allow myself to resist a bit and it doesn't last as long.
Mtngrl, sacrifice boredom! What a concept! It is all rather complicated at times, but I can substitute "control" in that sentence as well. It is so much a part of me it's like cutting off an arm or leg! Well, better to pluck out the sinful eye than to live with anxiety. Where's my scalpel?
Tammy

Tammi,

I was just curious where Rawson, OH was.

I'm from Granville, OH and live next door in Newark, OH right now. 30 miles east of Columbus. I went to Ohio University in Athens for undergrad, and a school in Dayton for Grad school.

I thought the Browns had a good season. I felt bad for Tim Couch with the concussion and all. I thought The fans were too hard on him. i think Butch Davis has them headed in the right direction. William Green came on strong, and I like the receiver Northcutt. They'll be better next year.

Nick

Nick
Rawson is near Findlay, OH and also close to Lima. I grew up in the Akron area.

Speaking of the Browns, I get a little frustrated with the fans. They can be pretty fickle. I like Tim Couch. He made a significant contribution this year. I think they are playing better as a team and that's good to see. Butch has a lot on the ball. I like him the best since Marty Shottenhiemer. (and I still miss Bernie!) William Green is fun to watch. And Dennis Northcut is always surprising me. I was shocked that the defense couldn't pull it off against the Steelers. It's ususally the offense lacking. But, yes, they will be better next year. I'm just so glad to have them back in Cleveland! There were some pretty quiet Sundays around here for a few years.

GO BROWNS!

And some of us who aren't even Browns fans are glad to have the team back in Cleveland after the whole Modell/Baltimore fiasco. Football just wasn't the same without the Browns!

Pam
P.S. Now if the Packers ever left Green Bay -- that would be a tragedy! Since they are owned by the city though, the chances of that happening are slim and none! Super Bowl 2004 -- Packers vs. Browns. I like that scenario.

I felt the repercussions of the Modell thing all the way in Columbus Ohio. LOL. I like the Browns better than the Bengals. I used to like the Bengals when I was a kid when they had Ken Anderson and Collinsworth. The bengals are horrendous. I'm rooting for the Browns from now on. My loyalties will not be divided between whichever is having a better season. I like there defense. They seem tougher. I'm more of a college fan though. Buckeyes. I liked reggie White when he was with the Packers and Favre is one of the toughest QB's ever. His winning percentage below 32 degrees is impeccable.

Brown's fans can be very hard core and critical. I think Couch is a stand up guy. The guy did the best he could.

Ohio State fans are worse and even more fickle and critical. They even criticize the coaches conservative play calling even after going 14-0. LOL

Ohio State fans are worse and even more fickle and critical. They even criticize the coaches conservative play calling even after going 14-0. LOL[/QB][/QUOTE]

How was the celebrating after the Fiesta Bowl game? Any overturned cars or fires? I was so focused on the upcoming Browns/Steelers game that I didn't notice. Awesome game, though. What a victory! How can you criticize that? I have a lot of respect for OSU's head coach (Tessle? can't remember his name) The fans these days are ruining the fun of the game with all their whinning. They are never satisfied. Guess it's not cool to be. Can't be much fun being a player or coach when that's happening.

Tammi,

There were a few small fires. No overturned cars. The last riots were mostly students and some people from out of town. The team won this year with class. I was very disappointed with the few fans that did not celebrate with class.

Jim Tressel is the coach. He has restored integrity, unselfishness, humility, and a family atmosphere on the team. Everyone genuinely loves each other. He has something called the Block O of life which includes family, football, spirituality etc. The man has a sense of calm and serenity that only comes from One Place.

Noone really criticized him after the game,I was embellishing but I'm sure there were some. But when they were about 11-0 to 12-0 people were complaining about the play calling even after they won the games.

There is a celebration in Ohio Stadium this saturday and Governor Taft and the coach and team and everyone will be there. They are going to run out of the tunnel. My Dad and I are going . It will be free admission. It's also suppose to be about 10 degrees. brrr.

Maybe we need a sports forum for anxiety. LOL

Nick

Nick
A sport's forum for anxiety! I love it!! I know it provides a nice distraction for me. Along with some life lessons.

Hey - sounds like fun at the Ohio Stadium. Congrats on being part of a little history. What a cool thing for father and son to share. I'm touched.

Dress warm and take some hot chocolate.

Tammy